Chapter 1

I was dating Ryan Pierce, who was six years younger than me.

Every time I kissed him, he'd blush all the way to his neck. Whenever I touched him, he'd start trembling.

I figured he was a shy, inexperienced boy, so I took care of him and spoiled him for a year and a half.

Then one day, I overheard him talking to his childhood sweetheart. "Every time that old woman kisses me, I feel like throwing up."*

That night, his roommate texted me. [Eva, my abs are harder than his, and I'm stronger. Feel like trying something different?]

I sent him my address. [Prove it.]

*****

The June breeze carried the heavy sweetness of flowers through the crack in my car window.

I checked the shopping bag on the passenger seat one more time. Inside was the limited-edition pair of sneakers he'd wanted.

Last week, he'd posted a screenshot of them on his feed and tagged me, adding a sad puppy emoji.

I'd spent forty minutes waiting in line at the store to snag them.

My GPS said I was three minutes from Ryan's campus. I hadn't told him I was coming because I wanted to surprise him.

The last time we'd been there, he'd mentioned that the coffee shop by the south gate was good, so I'd picked up two drinks on the way. They were icy cold.

At twenty-eight, I was dating a twenty-two-year-old college student, and everyone around me thought I had lost my mind.

My mom called me and said, "You're a creative director, and you're dating a college student? What can he give you?"

I shot back, "He makes my heart race."

It was true. Ryan had the kind of face that could get a person into trouble. His features were delicate, and when he smiled, two faint dimples appeared at the corners of his mouth.

The first time I kissed him, his body had gone rigid. The tips of his ears turned bright red, and his voice shook when he said, "I've never done this before."

In that moment, something inside me stirred.

After that, he reacted the same way every time we got close. When I touched his hand, his fingers trembled. When I hugged him, his heart would pound so hard that it seemed ready to burst out of his chest.

I thought he was young and shy, so I never pressured him. I bought him the things he wanted, took him to restaurants he'd never tried, and got him a credit card under my account.

Whenever he looked at me with those bright eyes and said, "You're so good to me, Eva," I felt like everything I'd done was worth it.

I parked my car in the lot outside the south gate of the school. Then I grabbed the bag and headed toward his dorm, squinting against the harsh sunlight.

A few guys were playing basketball shirtless on the court. One of them whistled when I walked past, but I ignored him.

Ryan lived on the sixth floor.

The elevator stopped at the third floor, and two girls got in. They glanced at me and started whispering to each other.

I was dressed in my usual office clothes, complete with high heels, so I looked out of place in a men's dorm.

When I got to the sixth floor, the hallway smelled like a mix of delivery food and sweat.

The door to Room 612 was slightly open.

I raised my hand to knock, but before I touched the door, Ryan's voice came from inside.

He wasn't on the phone. Someone else was in the room.

"So, you're heading out again?" a girl asked. Her voice was soft and sweet, with a playful lilt at the end.

"Yeah, she's taking me for sushi this weekend," Ryan replied, sounding lazy. It was nothing like the shy guy I knew. "It's one of those places that costs around 200 dollars per person. I looked it up."

"Damn, you're a pro." The girl laughed. "Doesn't she suspect anything?"

"Suspect what?" Ryan snorted. "Every time she tries to kiss me, I act shy. I look down, blush, start trembling, and put on the whole act. By the end of it, she's completely convinced.

"Last time, she tried to hold my hand, but I pulled away. Guess what she said?"

"What did she say?"

"She said, 'It's okay, I'll wait until you're ready.'" Ryan laughed, but there wasn't a trace of warmth in it. "Ready for what? Every time that old woman kisses me, I feel like throwing up."

Someone walked past in the hallway, their footsteps echoing against the floor.

My hand was still raised. I clenched my fists.

"Then why haven't you broken up with her?" the girl asked again.

Ryan said, "Why would I? She gave me a card with a 6-thousand limit. Last month I spent 4 thousand, and she didn't even blink. I'll wait until I graduate and get a job."

"You're such a jerk," the girl said, her tone playful, not a hint of blame.

"Me? A jerk?" Ryan's voice dripped with disdain. "She's the one throwing herself at me. She's twenty-eight and still chasing after a twenty-two-year-old boy. Doesn't she find that embarrassing?

"Her coworkers are laughing about her behind her back."

"You didn't sound this nasty when you were sweet-talking her into buying you things in bed."

"Hey, it's part of the job."

They both burst out laughing.

Cold condensation from my coffee ran down my fingers, and suddenly, the sweet smell of flowers seemed unbearable.

I stood outside Room 612 for half a minute.

I didn't kick the door down. I didn't storm in and flip the table. I didn't confront him and demand to know why he did this to me.

I slowly lowered my hand and took a step back.

I threw the sneakers into the trash can at the end of the hallway. The two cups of coffee went in with it.

As the elevator descended, I stared at my reflection in the mirrored wall. My makeup was flawless, my shirt was perfectly pressed, and I was wearing the earrings I'd bought because he told me they looked good on me.

My stomach twisted, and acid rose into my throat. I forced myself to swallow it back down.

Eva, were you stupid?

My phone buzzed.

Ryan sent a message. [Eva, are you busy? I miss you.]

I stared at the sad emoji for several seconds, my finger hovering over the screen.

Then I typed: [Good boy, I miss you, too. How about I take you for sushi this weekend?]

[Sure. I love you the most, Eva.]

I set my phone face down on my thigh and leaned my head back against the elevator wall.

The fluorescent lights overhead flickered faintly, filling the elevator with a low hum.

No rush. I had plenty of time for this.