Chapter 4

Cassian picked up his shirt, covering the scar. His eyes stayed on mine.

"That man is dead."

I stepped closer and stopped against the corner of the desk.

"What was his name?"

"Surely you remember the name of the man who stabbed you."

Cassian put his arms into his sleeves and fastened his collar.

"I remember."

"But you won't get that name tonight."

I stood there, the hand that had cleaned his wound hanging stiffly at my side. He could have claimed he didn't know. He hadn't even bothered to lie.

I watched my father's badge disappear beneath his shirt.

"And my father?"

"Did he really die in a fire?"

Cassian paused over a button. The changing guards passed outside. He waited for their footsteps to fade.

"Don't ask that in front of anyone else."

Suddenly I couldn't bear to stay. I'd cleaned his wound. My father's name lay against his chest. Yet I had to wait for him to feel generous enough to tell me one truth.

I pulled my shawl straight and stepped away.

"I understand."

"As long as I don't know, I have to stay here and wait for you to talk."

Cassian reached for something on the desk, but I'd already opened the door. He called my name. This time I didn't look back.

Mira was still awake when I returned to the west courtyard, sitting on the bed, mending my shoe. I took it from her and put the needle away.

I sat beside her, feeling the repaired sole.

"We're leaving tonight."

"Take the money, the medicine, and one change of clothes."

Mira glanced at the door and leaned toward me, already reaching beneath her pillow for the purse.

"What about the men outside?"

I divided the coins and slipped the smaller share into her pocket.

"I'll take you through the laundry."

"If we get separated, go to the North Gate carriage office, the one we've asked about fares at before."

For two days, the guards had followed us even to the laundry, but they waited outside. The nuns' underclothes hung inside. After the old woman in charge first scolded them out, they'd learned to keep their distance.

A small coal delivery door opened behind the laundry. It was barred during the day and opened for deliveries at night. Yesterday, while washing my skirt, I'd seen a coal carrier leave that way. Beyond it lay the narrow lane leading to the stables.

I didn't know how many gates lay beyond, or whether the North Gate might close early. But if I waited another night, a new deputy and new guards might leave me unable to use even the few paths I knew.

I spilled old tea onto a bedsheet, rolled it with the dirty clothes, and gave Mira a clean pillowcase to carry. The guards followed us to the laundry as expected. One stepped back to a column, complaining about the damp heat.

The old woman was counting linen in the front room. The back was empty, with a little fire still glowing in the furnace. I put the sheet in a tub and took Mira between the racks of wet cloth.

The bar on the rear door was heavier than I'd expected. It scraped in its wooden bracket. I stopped. The abacus still clicked in the front room. Slowly, I slid the bar free.

Heavy rain struck my face, and I almost sighed with relief. At least no one could hear our footsteps out here.

We followed the back wall of the stables. When a cart carrying dirty straw left, we slipped through the outer yard behind it. The gatekeeper was holding a lamp for the driver. By the time its light swung toward us, I had pulled Mira into the lane.

She was struggling for breath, so I slowed and pulled her hood into place. Only beyond the order's wall did I realize I'd been clenching my jaw until it ached.

North Gate Street was nearly empty. Shopkeepers were putting up shutters. At the carriage office, the driver had already brought out the last horse. He shook his head at the sight of two soaked women.

"Last run, and only to the mill outside the city, not the border."

He slipped a harness over the horse's neck.

"Anything farther leaves tomorrow."

I took out the coins, pressing them down to hide my shaking hand.

"The mill is fine."

"Two passengers."

"We only need somewhere to sit."

He took the money and lifted the rear oilcloth for Mira. Her foot had just reached the step when hooves sounded at the end of the street. The driver swung his lamp that way, and his expression changed.

I didn't look back. I pushed Mira gently inside and pressed her hand.

"Sit down."

"Stay in there."

Cassian's voice cut through the rain behind me.

"Elara."

"Step away from the carriage."

I turned. He had dismounted, the shoulders of his black cloak soaked through. He wore no armor and had brought no troop. Rain dripped from the leather glove holding his reins.

I stood in front of the step.

"I've paid our fare."

"Whose papers do you want to inspect?"

He ignored that and addressed the driver.

"When did the gates close tonight?"

His voice was calm. The driver lifted his lamp higher and lowered his head.

"At the second evening bell, my lord."

"No one's allowed out."

"I was just going to bring them back."

He hadn't mentioned any bell while taking my money. I clenched my purse, wanting to swear, but I was so cold my lips barely worked.

Cassian checked that Mira was inside, then handed the reins to the driver.

"Take her indoors to warm herself."

"Leave the door open."

He turned back to me.

"Will you go in too, or shall we talk here?"

I stayed still. Rain rolled from my lashes, blurring his face. He raised his hand. I instinctively turned my head, and he stopped, lowering it.

"No one will touch your sister again."

His voice softened.

"Get under the eaves first."

Mira leaned out and called me. I nodded to her, watched her follow the driver inside, then moved to a shuttered shop nearby.

The narrow roof kept off the falling rain, but gusts still drove it against my skirt. Cassian stopped in front of me, unfastened his cloak, and tried to put it around my shoulders.

I blocked his arm, feeling his warmth through the wet sleeve.

"I don't want it."

"How long are you planning to keep me locked up?"

He laid the cloak over a wooden railing instead.

"It isn't safe outside the city tonight."

"The Inquisition is searching departing carriages."

Water dripped from my chin into my collar.

"Is it safe here?"

"You have my father's things and a book about my life on your desk."

"Whatever I ask, you say you can't tell me."

His lips moved without a sound. I waited, the strength that had carried me this far suddenly almost gone.

I clutched my soaked shawl and looked up.

"What do you want from me?"

"Don't say protection again."

"I've heard enough of that."

"You."

Cassian kept his gaze on mine. Rain ran along his brow, and he didn't even wipe it away.

My grip on the cloth loosened. I understood the word. But he stood there with the holy sword at his waist, and I couldn't believe he had admitted it.

"Do you know what you're saying?"

My voice was quieter now.

"Or do you just hate anyone slipping out of your grasp?"

Cassian stepped forward, then stopped within reach of my outstretched hand.

"I know."

"I knew when I saw you in the square."

The hand I'd meant to push him away with settled against his chest without pressure. His damp shirt lay against his skin. I felt his breathing and the hard edge of metal beneath the cloth.

Father's badge. I knew it immediately. My fingers curled around it. Cassian glanced down but didn't pull it out of my hand this time.

I kept looking at him.

"So you transferred Adrian because he held an umbrella for me."

Cassian was silent for a while.

"I can let him leave in the morning."

That was all he admitted. It left me more at a loss than his excuse about the north needing men.

Wind swept rain under the roof. I stepped back against the cold door. Cassian braced a hand on the wood beside my shoulder, blocking most of the weather but leaving space between us.

His face was much closer now. I could see tiny drops caught in the old scar beneath his brow. His gaze slipped from my eyes to my lips, lingered, and rose again.

I should have told him to move. At least taken my hand from his chest. Instead, when he lowered his head, I lifted my face without thinking.

He saw it. His fingers slowly tightened against the door. Neither of us spoke. Water poured from the roof only inches from his shoulder.

He touched my cheek with the backs of his fingers, then tucked a wet strand of hair behind my ear. He'd removed his glove. His fingertips were lightly callused. When they brushed my ear, my breath faltered, and I gripped his shirt harder.

He stopped there, making no further move.

"Cold?"

His voice was so close I almost felt it through his chest rather than heard it.

"You know I am."

I regretted it at once. Heat climbed into my face. I tried to look down, but he leaned closer, his nose almost brushing mine. I went still, forgetting even how to step away.

He didn't kiss me. His forehead rested gently against mine. I closed my eyes at the unexpected touch. The badge pressed through his shirt into my palm, its cool edge reminding me how much he still hadn't told me.

I pressed more firmly against his chest.

"Cassian."

"You say you want me, but you won't even give me the truth."

His breath caught. His forehead moved a little away from mine. He didn't seize my hand or come closer. He lowered the arm beside my shoulder, as if preparing to leave.

But his hand was trembling. Barely, only visible when his fingers curled. I saw the edge of the holy crest beneath his collar and remembered the knights on church walls, forever bowed and perfectly composed.

I held his shirt, my voice almost lost beneath the rain.

"Grand Commander."

"Your vows are trembling."

Cassian stared at me. At last, the remaining calm left his eyes. He bent his head again, stopping just short of touching me. His breath passed over the corner of my mouth. My fingertips tingled.

I kept my eyes open and held his shirt, waiting for him to close the last small distance. Instead, he turned his head as though he'd heard something far away.

A bell broke through the rain, sharp and urgent. Another followed. Cassian straightened at once. His shirt slipped from my fingers, leaving only my own uneven breathing.

A deputy on night duty reined in at the roadside and nearly stepped into a ditch as he dismounted. He pulled an oilskin envelope from his coat, saw me, and stopped short.

"Grand Commander, an urgent order from the Inquisition."

"Read it."

Cassian took the cloak from the railing and put it over my shoulders. This time I let him, my fingers closing around his sleeve.

The deputy hesitated, then opened the envelope.

"Elara Vale, accused of concealing heretical evidence and conspiring with traitors, attempted flight tonight, confirming her guilt."

His voice grew quieter. He looked up at Cassian.

"To be executed before dawn by the Temple Knights."

I didn't understand at first. Then I heard my name beside the word executed. Every trace of warmth left me. I stared at the paper, the rain suddenly distant.

"How do they know I left tonight?"

I looked at Cassian, still clutching his sleeve.

"You only just found me, and the order's already here."

He didn't answer. He took the page and read from top to bottom. The deputy stood in the rain, afraid to hurry him, the empty envelope still in his hand.

"Only her?"

Cassian's finger rested on the bottom edge. He sounded as calm as he had in the square. My grip loosened.

"Yes, not her sister."

The deputy took a writing board and pen from the envelope's inner pocket.

"You must sign the execution order yourself."

"The inquisitor is waiting in the inner city for the acknowledgment."

I stared at the pen. The first day, Cassian had silenced Adrian with one raised hand. I'd thought that if only he listened to me, there would always be a way.

"You won't sign it."

I didn't know whether I was asking him or telling myself.

"You just said..."

Cassian looked at me once. That look stopped me. He took the pen and pressed the paper against the board. The nib hovered, then touched the blank space for the executing officer's name.

I stood wrapped in his cloak and watched him write Cassian Thorne. As he finished the last stroke, Mira called to me from inside the carriage office.

I couldn't answer her.