Chapter 1

It was common knowledge that six years ago, Ryan Hayes lost his manhood while rescuing me from my kidnappers.

We had a sexless marriage for five years, and I stayed quiet the entire time.

Three days before our anniversary, I went to the pilot lounge to bring him a late supper, only to overhear his teammates joking around.

"The five-year bet between Captain Hayes and Dr. Carter is almost over, right? As long as Dr. Carter remains unmarried for five years, he has to stay her friends-with-benefits and keep his hands completely off his wife."

"Man, Nina actually believes he ended up permanently impotent just to save her."

A low chuckle escaped Ryan's lips before he answered with complete indifference, "Three days left. Once the bet is over, I will go back and make it up to her properly."

Outside the door, my grip on the lunchbox froze entirely.

*****

The lunchbox slipped in my hands, and scalding soup splashed across the back of my hand.

The laughter inside continued.

"Captain Hayes, when the five years are up, are you really willing to cut ties with Dr. Carter?"

"One of you is the ace search-and-rescue captain, and the other is the chief attending at the AeroMed Center. You guys work together seamlessly on flight missions. Can you really break that off?"

"Your wife looks so fragile and quiet. There is no way she can handle you."

Obscene laughter mixed with the stench of alcohol and grease spilled out into the hallway.

My stomach clamped tight. I turned around, bracing myself against the trash can at the end of the corridor, and threw up until my whole body was trembling.

Returning to our apartment on base, I swept the nightgown, the scented candles, and the scattered pill bottles off the nightstand onto the floor. Grabbing a pair of scissors, I slashed the fabric to pieces, one cut at a time.

The sound of the door opening echoed behind me.

Ryan took off his black flight jacket, his brows knitting tightly as he took in the mess on the floor.

"Nina Grant, what are you throwing a tantrum about now?" he bellowed.

He snatched the scissors from my hand, his tone laced with heavy impatience.

"I know you harbor resentment, but my injury will not heal overnight. You waited five years, so you can wait three more days," he stated.

Three more days. Again.

I stared at Ryan, the man I once loved so fiercely that I was afraid to even touch him. For the first time, I realized how terrifyingly calm he looked when he lied.

"Ryan, I don't want to wait anymore," I said.

Oblivious to what I truly meant, he bent down to sort through his luggage and picked up the bottle of pills from the foot of the bed.

He yelled, "Don't throw this away."

His eyes darkened slightly as he looked at the label.

"Let us try this on our anniversary. It might actually work," he uttered.

Throughout our five years of marriage, he would occasionally look at me with that exact gaze.

I had harbored countless doubts, yet I never once suspected that the medical report citing permanent erectile dysfunction was a complete fabrication from the very beginning.

That night, for the first time, I didn't draw near to him as I usually did.

In the early hours of the morning, Ryan did something unprecedented. He pulled me into his arms from behind, resting his chin on the top of my head.

"Are you still angry with me, honey?" he murmured.

This embrace I had craved for five years now brought nothing but sheer nausea.

I kept my eyes closed and offered no reply.

A few minutes later, he released me and slipped out of bed without making a sound.

I followed him through the residential sector, all the way to the old equipment warehouse behind the tarmac.

Madeline Carter was already waiting there.

The moment the door clicked shut, she hooked her arms around Ryan's neck. Muffled pants and groans soon leaked through the crack in the door.

Ryan was always so restrained around me, hiding away to change. Now, he was acting like a wild beast finally off its leash.

Madeline let out broken giggles. "Captain Hayes, who satisfies you more, me or your wife?"

"Stop it," Ryan said.

"She waited for you for five years, and you truly never touched her once?" Madeline asked.

Ryan's breathing was erratic, but his voice rang out crystal clear. "Never."

She pressed. "You really have that much self-control, don't you?"

Silence hung in the room for a few seconds.

Then, I heard him speak in a flat tone, "It's not about self-control.

"Every time I look at her, I remember those three days she spent with her kidnappers. She claims nothing happened, but who knows?

"I merely feel she is somewhat tainted."

Those words acted like a rusted blade, slicing open my six-year-old wounds all over again.

There were nine victims in that kidnapping case back then, and I was the only one found alive.

The kidnappers had torn my clothes and pinned me against the damp concrete floor. Right as they were about to proceed, explosions and gunfire rang out outside the basement.

A masked man breached the room, wrapped me in his jacket, and carried me out of that hellhole.

All I remembered was the unwavering steadiness of his embrace and the blood constantly pouring from his left shoulder.

Upon waking up in the hospital room, I saw Ryan covered in dust and asked if he was the one who saved me.

He paused for a fraction of a second before nodding.

Later, he told me that a falling steel beam during the rescue had severely damaged his local nerves. He claimed he might never be able to function as a normal man again.

He was also the one who pursued me despite my traumatic past, pulling me out of my nightmares piece by piece.

On our wedding night, I'd gathered all my courage to tell him that the kidnappers didn't actually violate me.

I still remembered the complicated, evasive look in his eyes at that moment.

It turned out that was not compassion.

It was disgust.

I leaned against the freezing wall and walked away, wandering aimlessly through the base like an empty shell drained of life.

The harsh headlights of a patrol vehicle swept over me. Seeing my deathly pale face, the security personnel brought me into the duty room.

Thirty minutes later, Ryan rushed over.

Madeline followed closely behind him with swollen lips and plain-to-see hickeys across her neck.

Looking at her, I broke into a bitter laugh.

"This is a rescue base. It is two in the morning. Dr. Carter, I wonder why you are showing up with my husband," I asked.