Chapter 1
Andrew Shaw and I grew up together, from school days all the way to our wedding.
But one day, I accidentally uncovered a secret—the girl he cherished most had died on the very day of our wedding.
Our marriage carried the shadow of her death, and he never stopped feeling guilty about it.
When life gave us another chance, I helped him make up for that regret.
Yet in the end, he looked worn out and asked, "How did I manage to ruin everything I once had?"
*****
If my laptop hadn't crashed that day, forcing me to borrow Andrew's computer from the study, I never would have stumbled upon his secret account.
That account was buzzing with replies, and I was curious what he had posted.
I clicked in and saw a common kind of thread on a forum: [What's the biggest regret in your life?]
Andrew, who was always short and clear with words, had written more than usual this time.
Andrew: [I didn't have the courage to give up a relationship everyone approved. Because of that, a wonderful girl ended up dying the year she loved me the most.]
As soon as I read that first line, my head buzzed and an overwhelming dizziness crashed over me. For a moment, my mind just went totally blank.
He hadn't named anyone, but I instantly knew exactly which girl he meant.
It was Emily Carter, a classmate from high school. She had loved Andrew for a long time, and on the day Andrew and I got married, she killed herself.
On a day that was supposed to belong to me and Andrew, she chose the most extreme way to make him remember her.
But I'd never imagined Andrew had thoughts like that buried in his heart.
I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to calm the throbbing in my head, then forced myself to keep reading Andrew's words.
Andrew: [My wife and I had been childhood sweethearts. We started dating right after high school. Later, because we went to graduate school in different cities, we were apart for three years. In the end, we returned to our hometown to build our lives.
[Too many people had witnessed and envied our love. The pressure of being watched by everyone left me no room to stray. I followed the path laid out for me—getting married, having kids—because I couldn't face the fact that my heart had already changed.
[The girl who died had been a classmate from high school. Later, she worked in the city where I was doing my graduate studies. In my second year, I nearly had a bad accident, and she got hurt saving me.
[When I was in a long-distance relationship with my wife, I often felt a wave of emptiness sweeping over me. And a lot of times, when I turned around, I'd see that girl standing behind me, her smile so gentle and warm.
[But in the end, I chose the path with the least risk. I proposed to my wife on schedule and married her, and that girl killed herself on my wedding day.
[I never said how I felt about her, not even before she passed.
[For a long time after, I kept thinking our marriage was what drove her to such a desperate end. Deep down, I couldn't help but carry that burden.
[That secret is mine alone. And it is the greatest regret of my life.]
It wasn't until my vision grew blurry, and I noticed my tear soaking the keyboard, that I realized I was crying.
The sound of the door opening in the hallway snapped me back to reality. I hurriedly wiped my face, took a shaky breath, and forced myself to walk out looking calm.
*****
Later that night, Andrew was in the shower while I lay curled up on the bed. The sound of running water filled the apartment. I kept replaying everything Andrew had written in my head, and my heart ached a little more every time.
Andrew, did you really think you were the only one feeling lonely through our long-distance days?
I was also lonely.
I longed for him to be by my side, but the truth was we were over 1,200 miles apart. After every short visit, the pain of separation only grew sharper.
And in those endless days apart, I met plenty of good men who were right in front of me.
But long before I had any clue, he'd already found another way to deal with his loneliness. And I never noticed.
*****
The next morning, Andrew dropped our son off at school before driving me to work, just like he always did.
As we waited at a red light, I turned to him and broke the silence.
I said, "Yesterday, I read a novel about getting a second shot at life. It was pretty interesting.
"Hey, do you think if we could really start over, we'd still make the same choices we did in this life?"
Andrew seemed genuinely interested, smiling as he asked, "What kind of choices are you talking about?"
"Everything," I replied, keeping my tone steady. "School, career, partner."
His smile froze for a split second when I mentioned "partner."
The countdown on the red light was ticking away.
Andrew's smile came back. "Yeah, I'd do everything the same. I'm honestly happy with my life as it is."
He even teased me, "What, you thinking about trading me in for a new husband?"
I just looked down and didn't say a word.
He was such a coward.
The light turned green, and Andrew started driving down our usual route. As we turned the corner, out of nowhere, a car came tearing toward us—so fast, we didn't even have time to react.