Chapter 2
When I was fifteen, I was in ninth grade. I wasn't top of the class, but I ranked in the top fifteen in my class and top hundred in the grade.
My homeroom teacher, Ms. Williams, had once told me, "Emily Lane, getting into a regular high school won't be a problem for you. Push a little harder, and you've even got a shot at a top one."
I believed her.
That March, I studied until eleven every night. I filled three notebooks with English vocabulary and two thick ones with corrected math mistakes.
I wanted to go to high school. I wanted to go to college. I wanted to get out of that tiny rental apartment and see what the world looked like outside.
One night in May, I was in my room working through practice tests. Mom pushed the door open and walked in.
"Em, come out for a second."
There was a bowl of noodles on the table. Mom sat across from me, twisting a towel in her hands.
"Your sister is taking the grad school exam this year."
"Okay."
"Tuition, housing, living expenses... it'll be at least 7,000 dollars a year."
"Okay."
"Our family... can't afford to put two kids through school anymore."
At first, I didn't even understand what she meant.
"And your grades aren't that great anyway..."
"I'm top fifteen in my class."
"That's still not that good. Your sister was top three in the whole grade back then."
"That's not the same thing."
"How is it not?" Mom's voice rose. "Your sister gets good grades, got into the Ivy League, and she'll have an easier time finding work later. What about you? Even if you go to high school, then what? You get into some average college and still end up working for someone else."
I held my chopsticks without moving.
"Honestly, it might be better if you start earning money sooner. Look at Mrs. Williams' daughter next door. She went to an electronics factory after middle school and still makes over 700 dollars a month."
"Mom, I want to stay in school."
"Stay in school? Look at your dad's paycheck, then look at your sister's tuition. Do you really think this family can squeeze out money for you too?"
"I could take out a loan..."
"A loan for what?" Mom slapped the table. "And who would pay it back? Your dad makes 1,000 dollars a month. After rent and utilities, how much do you think is left? Your sister's tuition came from me and your dad pinching pennies for years. And you're talking about loans?"
I stopped talking.
"Em, it's not that I don't want you to study. We just really don't have a choice. And don't blame your sister. She doesn't know anything about this."
I lowered my head and stared at the bowl of noodles. They had already gone soggy.
"You tell your teacher yourself. Just say you don't want to keep studying."
"Didn't want to study anymore."
Those were the lines Mom handed me. Later, they became the family's official story.
Whenever relatives asked, Mom always said the same thing. "The younger one didn't want to study. She couldn't sit still, so what could we do?"
After hearing it enough times, even I almost believed it.
Two weeks before the entrance exam, I stopped going to school. Ms. Williams called our house three times.
The first time, Mom said, "She's sick."
The second time, Mom said, "She doesn't want to take the exam anymore."
The third time, Mom didn't answer at all.
Ms. Williams came to our home once.
Mom stood at the door with a smile and said, "Ms. Williams, I'm really sorry. This kid just doesn't try. She can't sit still."
Ms. Williams looked at me.
I stood behind Mom with my head lowered. I didn't say a word. Because I had no idea what I was supposed to say.
What could a fifteen-year-old kid even say?
"My mom won't let me stay in school because she wants to spend the money on my sister?"
I couldn't get those words out.
That night, I sat on my bed alone and flipped through those two notebooks of mistakes one last time. Then I shoved them under the bed. I never took them out again.
Three months later, I started working at an electronics factory in Riverside City. I was fifteen years and two months old.
My ID said I was eighteen. Mom had someone get it changed.