Chapter 1

During the Christmas holidays, my mother-in-law, Leila, once again pressured me to have a child, calling me a useless woman who couldn't bear children.

She said, "Been married to you for three years, and you can't even have a single kid. What's the point of marrying you? You couldn't even sell yourself if you tried!"

She said all this right in front of all our friends and family. I felt utterly humiliated.

So, I started giving my sister-in-law, Macy, folic acid with every meal, and I swapped the ovulation-inducing drugs that Leila had bought for me and gave them to her instead.

Since Leila was so eager for children, I decided to let her have as many as she wanted at once.

*****

"Why did we even bring you, this walking disaster, into our family? Three years of marriage and still no kids. You dragged the Schmidt family's name through the mud!" Leila shouted.

On New Year's Day, right in front of everyone who came to pay their respects, Leila jabbed a finger at me and started yelling.

I crunched loudly on potato chips, acting like I didn't care at all. "What's so great about having kids anyway?"

Leila slammed her hand on the table and shot to her feet.

Leila said, "You're just being selfish by refusing to have kids. Kids are the best thing in the world. If you never have any, you'll never know how happy they can make you.

"And when you get sick, who's going to look after you? When you die, who's going to pay their respects at your grave?"

I shot back, taking my sweet time. "You're always blaming Francis and me for all your health issues. Now you're talking about the happiness children bring? You get to have it both ways, don't you?

"You're telling me having a kid'll fix my sickness? What, the baby's some sort of magic trigger to make the illness go away?

"Have a kid, and then someone'll visit my grave to pay tribute. What, am I supposed to come alive again just because someone mourns me?"

Seeing I wasn't falling for it, Leila changed her tune. "Katelyn, do you think having a baby is just too much trouble? Don't worry; once you have one, just leave it all to me. I absolutely love taking care of kids."

Just gave her a deadpan "oh."

"If you're so obsessed with looking after kids, why not become a full-time nanny? You'll have an endless supply of babies to fuss over," I shot back.

Seeing Leila getting shut down, Macy chimed in right away.

Macy said, "What's so difficult about having a baby? Just open your legs and—bam!—baby on the way. Seriously, what kind of wife doesn't give her husband a son as soon as she walks through the door?"

Suddenly, everyone started shouting at me at once, piling on from all sides.

Someone said, "Leila told me you get bad period pains, right? If your period's already such a problem, how could you ever have a baby?

"If you can't have kids, what's the point of getting married? You're just trouble for everyone!"

I rolled my eyes and slammed my cup down on the table.

I snapped, "So, how do you actually make a baby? Beats me. You all keep saying it's just about spreading your legs, right?

"Macy, why don't you get up right here and show us all how it's done? I'm dying to see your magical baby-making move."

Leila was so mad she couldn't even get a word out.

"Fine, you can't have kids, but now you've got the nerve to mock us too?" Macy shouted.

I batted my eyes innocently and asked Leila, "So, which position do you all think is best for getting pregnant? Honestly, I'm stumped here.

"Your son barely lasts ten minutes—by the time I even think about switching things up, he's already out for the count."

As soon as I finished, Laurence, Francis's father, was so mad his lips were shaking. "Shut your mouth!"

Laurence shouted, "What a disgrace to this family. Francis, get over here, now! Take your wife and set her straight."

Francis, who had been keeping his head down, hurried in and dragged me out of there.

Seeing how spineless he was just made me even angrier. I slapped his hand away.

I continued, "It's not that I'm refusing to have a baby for you, but honestly, none of you put up any money, nobody helps out, and you never lift a finger. All you ever do is talk.

"How am I supposed to raise a kid with nothing? If you can hand me 300 thousand dollars right now, I'll spread my legs and pop out a baby for you on the spot."

After Francis dragged me away, he shot me a reproachful look.

"Why do you always have to mouth off to my folks? They went through a lot to bring me up, you know that," he said.

I rolled my eyes so hard I thought they might get stuck.

I said, "Your parents had it rough raising you? Then go ahead, be the dutiful son and take care of them yourself. Why drag me into this? What, you want to outsource your family obligations now?

"Your parents had it rough raising you? You think my parents had it easy with me? So why do I have to be their punching bag?"

After we got home, I just couldn't swallow my anger.

So you wanted a baby this badly? Fine. I would make sure you get your fill.

When I came to Leila's house again, I changed my approach.

No matter how much Leila nagged me about having a baby, I just kept smiling.

No matter how much Macy threw shade, I just nodded and agreed with everything she said.