Chapter 4

I rented a tiny studio apartment near campus.

The rent was 500 dollars a month. With the deposit and the first three months' rent upfront, I burned through almost all my savings.

The room didn't have much besides a bed, a wardrobe, and a desk, but after I got everything put away, I felt a kind of peace I had never known before.

It was small, but it was completely mine.

*****

The next day, I started sending out resumes like crazy and going to interviews, but I got rejected over and over again.

I majored in marketing, which wasn't too obscure, but jobs were hard to come by that year.

After a week of running around to more than a dozen companies, not one of them got back to me.

My money was disappearing fast, and I started to feel anxious.

*****

At night, lying in my tiny bed, I would catch myself wondering what would have happened if I hadn't left.

Would I still be with Charles in that big yard, watching the stars and talking about the future?

But that thought would only stick around for a second before I pushed it away.

I couldn't look back. There was no turning back for me anymore.

In the evening, Charles called me. It was the first time he'd reached out since I left.

I stared at his name flashing on my screen and hesitated for a long time before I declined.

He called again right away, and I declined again. We did that several times before he finally gave up.

Then his text message came through. [Emily, where are you? Please come back, okay?

[I got into a huge fight with my mom, and she's not going to say things like that anymore. I'll give you whatever you want. Please don't torture me like this.]

Reading the last line about me torturing him made me laugh out loud, but tears started pouring down my face harder.

Charles didn't get it at all. It was never Helen's words that were torturing me. It was who he was and the world he came from, the one I could never break into.

I blocked his number and cut off all our contact methods, severing all ties completely.

*****

A week later, I finally got an interview invitation. It was from an ad agency called WindRush Advertising.

The company wasn't very big, but people in the industry spoke well of it.

I spent a whole day getting ready and went over every successful project they had ever done.

*****

The next morning, I put on my nicest suit and showed up at the office half an hour early.

The HR director and a department manager interviewed me, and the whole thing went very smoothly.

I knew my stuff inside and out, and I answered every one of their questions without any trouble.

When the interview was over, the HR director gave me a warm smile. "Ms. Shaw, we're very impressed with what you can do. Why don't you head home and wait to hear from us?"

That was the most promising thing that I had ever gotten in my life.

I headed home full of hope and waited two days, yet never heard back from the company.

But when I checked my application status on the job site, I saw an update.

It said: [Not a good fit.]

At that moment, all my hope came crashing down. I had no idea what went wrong.

I refused to accept it, so I worked up the nerve to call the HR person at that company.

She was polite, but everything she said sounded scripted and corporate. "Sorry, Ms. Shaw. We found someone who's a better fit."

I hung up the phone, sank down onto the floor of my tiny apartment, and hugged myself.

For the first time, I felt genuinely scared about what was coming next.

I started to doubt whether leaving had been the right decision at all.

Right when I was feeling completely hopeless, my phone rang.

It was a number I didn't recognize.

I figured it was a telemarketer and picked up anyway.

"Hello, is this Ms. Emily Shaw?" It was a smooth, pleasant male voice speaking.

"Yes, this is Emily Shaw. Who's calling?" I asked.

"This is James Landon from WindRush Advertising. I'm the Head of Planning Department. I was one of your interviewers last time."

I was caught off guard. Then I slowly processed what he'd said.

I tried to picture the interview. Then I recalled the man sitting next to the HR director, wearing gold-rimmed glasses and looking very distinguished.

I was confused. "Hello, Mr. Landon, but I saw the status on the job site..."

He let out a soft laugh on the other end. "That status online doesn't mean anything. What matters is that I think you're perfect for the job.

"Ms. Shaw, would you like to join my department as an intern? It's a three-month internship, and if you pass, you'll get a permanent position."

The news was so exciting that I felt a little lightheaded, and I gushed my acceptance without thinking straight. "Yes, I would love that. Thank you so much, Mr. Landon."

James seemed pretty happy with how I reacted.

"You're welcome," he replied. "Show up at the Planning Department at nine tomorrow morning. By the way, I looked over your resume. It's impressive. I'm looking forward to seeing what you can do."