Chapter 4

"What, am I not allowed to?" I lifted my eyes and met hers, calm.

Ciara blinked, then laughed. "I didn't say you weren't allowed. I just meant, why didn't you tell me you were coming? I would've come down to meet you."

What a natural lie. Was lying just second nature to her? How many lies had she already told me, then? All those vows, all those promises. Had they rolled off her tongue this easily too?

I didn't want to think about it anymore.

But Ciara kept going. "And why would you even think that way? We've known each other for over twenty years. Where can't you go? Even our phones, we've never hidden anything from each other, right?"

As she said it, she picked up my phone and made a move to unlock it.

My hand shot out on instinct. "Wait a second."

But Ciara had already typed in her birthday.

A line flashed on the screen: incorrect passcode.

Ciara's fingers went still. She stared down at the screen like she didn't recognize the words.

"When did you change the passcode?" Ciara asked.

I took the phone from her hand. "Weren't you the one who said we should each have our own space? Why the questions now?"

I was talking about what happened three months ago.

That was when I'd first started suspecting Ciara was cheating. I'd tried to check her phone for the first time.

I hadn't even managed to unlock it before she caught me and went off on me.

"Even if we're married," Ciara said, "we should still have some privacy, shouldn't we?

"You're suffocating me."

Even now, thinking back to Ciara's face in that moment, my eyes still stung.

Ciara went quiet for a moment.

Her fingers unconsciously tightened around her wedding ring.

In the end, she sighed, pulled me into her arms, and coaxed me softly. "I wasn't myself during those few days. I'm sorry.

"Tomorrow after work I'll come pick you up. I booked your favorite restaurant. It's been so long since we've had time alone together."

I stiffened in her arms.

Her heartbeat came through the fabric, steady and strong, one beat after another, the same as always.

But I no longer knew whether that heart was still beating for me.

"Okay," I said.

I hated myself for still holding on.

And I knew that whatever love I had left, she was wearing it away, inch by inch.

The next day, I waited at the restaurant for two hours.

The food went cold. The candle burned out. The table next to mine turned over twice.

I picked up my phone and called Ciara.

It rang for a long time before Neil picked up.

"Sean, did you need something from Ciara?" Neil's voice was grating. "I've been feeling down, so she's keeping me company."

My fingers slowly tightened around the phone. "Ask her if she's still coming to the restaurant."

Neil made a show of asking, then laughed as he answered. "She says she's not coming."

I closed my eyes. "Do you have the guts to hand the phone to Ciara and let her tell me herself?"

The other end went silent.

He didn't dare.

I waited a few seconds. All I heard was Ciara's muffled voice drifting from somewhere in the background. "Who's on the phone?"

I let out a bitter laugh and hung up.

My chest burned. I picked up the glass on the table and downed it in one gulp.

The liquor was sharp. It scorched my throat, burned into my stomach, but couldn't put out the fire in my chest.

I thought back to the first time Ciara stood me up for Neil.

Back then, it had been just like this. The fire in my chest had nearly suffocated me.

For the first time in my life, I walked into a lounge to drink myself under the table. "Give me whatever. Something strong."

The bartender slid over a glass of amber liquor.

Before I could even take a sip, he set an identical glass down beside mine.

I turned my head. A woman was sitting in the next seat, wearing an off-shoulder dress, watching me.

Our eyes met.

Suddenly I heard myself say, "Are you free tonight?"

The words caught even me off guard.

But she wasn't surprised. She just looked me over, and the corner of her mouth curved slowly. "For you? Always."

That night, for the first time, I betrayed Ciara.

My heart was in agony, and yet there was a strange, dark relief. Like a drowning man who'd finally stopped fighting and let himself sink.

I shook off the memory, stood up, and left the restaurant.

I didn't go home. I didn't call Vivian either.

I drove alone, all the way across the city, to the place that had once been Ciara's and mine, the planetarium.

Ever since I'd taken over Shaw Group, the piled-up work had left me constantly exhausted.

So Ciara had taken me to that planetarium.

"Whenever you feel tired," she'd said, "come here and look up."

She'd even bought a star and named it after me.

"And don't ever forget," Ciara had added. "I'll always be right behind you."

That was when she'd loved me the most.

When I reached the planetarium's entrance, I saw Ciara's executive assistant standing outside.

The moment he spotted me, his face changed. "Sir, what are you doing here?"

My heart sank.

I shoved the door open.

Under the dome, the stars gleamed like scattered diamonds. The star I'd chosen myself shone gently at the very center.

Starlight poured down over Ciara and Neil, wrapped in each other's arms, kissing.