Chapter 2
Twenty-three minutes later, Maya let herself in with the spare key.
She dropped her work tote by the door and went straight to the kitchen.
Her eyes moved from the cloudy basin of pump parts to me shivering on the couch.
"When did you last eat a real meal?"
"Crackers. Yesterday."
Maya did not lecture me.
She pulled overnight pads and newborn diapers from a grocery bag, warmed Sarah's casserole, and washed the pump parts in hot water.
Then she put a plate in my hands.
"I took the morning off. Give me the pharmacy address."
"You already left work for me. At least let me pay you back."
"You can. Later. Eat now."
When the door closed behind her, Lucy began to fuss.
I set down the plate, braced a hand against the sofa, and lifted my daughter.
Pain pulled sharply between my legs as she rooted against my shirt.
Ethan had been gone less than a day, and every basic need had become a choice: feed myself or feed her, wash the pump parts or close my eyes, shower or wait until someone could hold the baby.
My phone buzzed on the coffee table.
It was not Ethan asking if I was okay.
It was another post from Miami.
Noah stood in a batting cage holding a new black bat.
Ethan had one arm around his shoulders, both of them grinning.
Lena's caption read: New bat for our little slugger. Thank you, E. You made his whole week.
Last month, Ethan had argued with me over thirty-two dollars for a second set of pump parts.
"You can wash the first set between feedings," he had said.
Apparently, convenience was wasteful when it belonged to me.
The front door opened before I could look up the price of the bat.
Maya placed a small white pharmacy bag beside Ethan's gift card, poured water, and handed me the bottle.
"They had it ready. Eighteen dollars."
"I'll pay you Friday."
"Fine. Take one now."
I swallowed the pill and looked at the counter.
Ethan had left fifty dollars for twenty days of food.
Maya had paid for the medicine he promised to collect.
My phone lit again.
[Ethan: Did you get the prescription? Noah's game starts in ten. Call Maya if you still need help.]
He had not forgotten I needed help.
He had assigned the job to someone else.
"He knows you're here," I said.
Maya took the phone, read the message, and handed it back without comment.
The set of her mouth said enough.
I opened Sarah's unread text.
For years, I had softened Ethan's rough edges for other people.
I called him busy when he was careless and stressed when he was selfish.
I knew why I did it.
If everyone believed I had a thoughtful husband, I could keep believing it too.
Admitting the truth to Sarah meant admitting it to myself.
Sarah had asked a simple question.
This time, I gave her a simple answer.
[Chloe: No. He isn't coaching.]
I looked down at Lucy, asleep against my chest, then typed the rest.
[Chloe: Ethan is using his parental leave to travel with Lena and Noah. The baby and I are home alone.]
I hit send.
Sarah replied almost at once.
[Sarah: He told everyone you agreed to this.]
Another bubble appeared.
[Sarah: I'm calling him.]
My stomach tightened, but I did not ask her to stop.
Through the wall, I heard Sarah's apartment door shut.
A moment later her footsteps crossed the hallway, then stopped outside mine.
She did not knock.
She knew Lucy had finally fallen asleep.
Instead, a message appeared.
[Sarah: You don't need to explain anything. I'll bring dinner tonight.]
The kindness made my eyes burn, but it also gave me something I had not had since Ethan left: a witness.
He could tell Florida I agreed.
He could tell Lena I was fine.
He could not make both stories true once I stopped repeating them.
Less than a minute later, Ethan's name filled my screen.
Lucy stirred against me.
I rested one hand on her back while the phone rang.
Every other time, I would have answered.
I would have listened to him explain why my pain had embarrassed him, then apologized to end the argument.
This time, I watched his name disappear.
I did not call him back.
The first consequence of Ethan's trip reached him in Miami, and for once, I did not rush to take it away.
It was not a victory.
My medicine still sat beside a gift card, Maya still had to return to work, and Ethan was still three states away while I counted the minutes between feedings.
But one person now knew the truth, and I had survived saying it.
[Ethan: What did you tell Sarah?]