Chapter 2

My dad told me to let him go.

I had heard those words countless times over the past five years.

When I lost my child, they told me to let it go.

When I spent night after night clutching an empty baby blanket, unable to sleep, they told me to let it go.

The antidepressants made my hands tremble. Every time I saw someone else's child, I broke down. They told me to let it go.

But now they were telling me my child had been alive all along.

He had been right here in this house.

He could walk. He could talk. He could call someone "Mommy." But that someone wasn't me.

I looked at them, and my heart turned cold and numb.

My mom stood protectively in front of Emily. My dad thought I was the one being unreasonable. David stood there silently, as if staying quiet would make everything blow over.

I looked at David, and my voice slowly grew hoarse. "So in your eyes, my pain means nothing.

"If Emily wants to be a mother, then I should give her my child because I can have another one. Is that what you all think?"

David's eyes flickered. "Sarah, that's not what this is."

My mom cut him off before he could say anything else. "Do this for your sister. She can never have children. You're her older sister. Why can't you let this go?"

I grabbed the edge of the coffee table to steady myself. My stomach twisted, and a dull ache spread through my lower abdomen.

The DNA test results were crumpled tightly in my hand.

I opened my mouth. There was one more thing I wanted to ask. "Am I not your daughter too?"

But before I could say it, my vision went dark.

The last thing I saw before I collapsed was David moving toward me.

But his eyes went to Lucas first, not me.

*****

When I woke up, I was in a hospital room.

An IV was taped to the back of my hand. The room was quiet.

A small figure stood beside my bed. It was Lucas.

He was holding a carton of milk. His little face was tense, and the moment he saw my eyes open, he immediately stepped back.

After a long silence, he whispered, "Aunt Sarah."

Tears came before I could stop them.

The child I risked everything to bring into this world was standing right in front of me, calling me his aunt.

I slowly raised my hand, my voice trembling. "Come here. Let me look at you."

He didn't move. His eyes kept darting toward the door, as if he was afraid he would have to run the moment I lost control.

I slowly lowered my hand. "I won't touch you."

Only then did he take a small step closer.

Now that I could see him clearly, all those strange feelings of familiarity made sense.

When he was first learning to walk, he would wobble toward me and fall into my arms.

Once, he wrapped his little arms around David's leg and called him Daddy in that childish voice. My mom immediately picked him up and said he was babbling.

Back then, I told myself I was only seeing my lost child in every kid I met because I missed my baby so much.

But that wasn't true.

Lucas was supposed to call David Daddy. And he was supposed to call me Mommy.

Lucas squeezed the milk carton in his hands and spoke softly. "Aunt Sarah, can you stop being mad at my mommy?"

I froze.

The mommy he was talking about was Emily.

My throat tightened. "Who told you to come here?"

He lowered his head and didn't answer.

I didn't push him. I looked at him carefully and asked, "If I told you I was your real mommy, would you want to come with me?"

Lucas froze. Then his eyes filled with tears. "No. I like my mommy. I don't want to go with you."

His voice broke as he cried.

It was as if someone had been waiting outside the door. The moment Lucas started crying, the door flew open.

Emily rushed in and pulled Lucas into her arms.

Tears streamed down her face. "Sarah, I'll beg you if that's what you want. You can hit me. You can yell at me. I'll take it all.

"But please don't take him away from me. He's my whole world."

My mom came in behind her. She comforted Lucas while looking at me with disappointment. "See what you've done? You've scared him."

My dad stood in the doorway, his expression cold.

David came in last. He looked at Lucas first, then turned to me. "You're only awake. Don't upset Lucas again."

I let out a laugh, and tears almost filled my eyes. "I'm upsetting him?"

I pushed myself upright. The IV tugged painfully at my hand. "David, he's my son.

"You people took him away from me for five years. Now you're telling me not to upset him?"

Emily held Lucas tightly, sobbing so hard her shoulders shook. "When I found out I could never have children, I didn't want to live anymore.

"Then they told me your baby had died, and I thought you didn't want him anymore."