Chapter 4
The next morning, when I came downstairs, Lily was showing Evan her birthday invitation.
Her eighth birthday was two weeks away, and the card was covered in the little stars she'd been obsessed with lately.
She told Evan there would be lights in the backyard, asked whether he liked chocolate cake or vanilla, and then said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"You have to come. You're my brother."
Evan smiled.
Nathan stood on the other side of the kitchen and said nothing.
But I still saw the happiness on his face.
The children were getting along better than he'd expected, and suddenly, the future he'd been quietly imagining for the past six months seemed a little more possible.
After breakfast, I waited until the children were gone before telling him that Lily liking Evan and Evan living here were two completely different things.
Nathan didn't argue.
He set down his coffee and was quiet for a long moment before speaking.
"I know the way I handled this was wrong. And I know there's no reason for you to accept any of the decisions I made without you. But Evan has known about you and Lily for a long time. He's always wanted to meet his sister, and now that they finally have, I'm at least grateful this part hasn't hurt them."
As I listened, the small part of me that had finally begun to settle tightened again.
Because he was still talking about this part.
As if the children liking each other meant everything else could somehow be worked out more easily.
As if what he'd done to me mattered less because they were happy.
"I won't ask Lily to hate Evan just because I hate what you did,"
I said, looking at him.
"But don't look at the way she loves having a brother and convince yourself that means I should have an easier time accepting any of this."
Nathan didn't try to explain again.
For once, I was relieved.
I didn't have the strength to listen to him wrap the same mistake in another explanation.
Evan stayed with us for the next two days.
Nathan and I spoke only when we had to. He handled Evan's day-to-day needs himself, and I didn't stop the children from spending time together.
Lily accepted having a brother with astonishing ease.
She showed Evan her favorite cartoons, went looking for him as soon as she came home from school, and had already gotten used to calling his name from the stairs.
To her, the world was still simple.
Dad said Evan was her brother. Her brother played with her, reached things on high shelves for her, and listened patiently while she told him every tiny thing that had happened at school.
She couldn't understand what had happened nine years ago.
And I didn't want her to.
Evan was different.
He was careful about everything.
He asked before opening the refrigerator. He wiped down the bathroom after taking a shower. He kept almost everything he owned close to his suitcase, and even when he sat in the living room, his backpack stayed by his feet as though he needed to be ready to leave at any moment.
Once, Lily told him he could put his game console in the cabinet upstairs.
Evan hesitated before saying.
"I'll keep it in my bag."
That was the first time I truly saw what Nathan's secret had done to this child.
Evan knew this was his father's home.
He just didn't know whether it was his.
And Nathan had already given him reason to hope it would be.
On the third night, I passed the guest room after putting Lily to bed and saw that the light was still on.
Evan was sitting on the carpet with his suitcase open in front of him.
He'd been here for days, but he'd barely unpacked. Only his pajamas and a few changes of clothes were lying beside the bed. The half of the closet Nathan had cleared for him was still empty.
I stood in the doorway for a moment.
"Don't you like the closet?"
Evan looked up.
"No. I mean, I do. I just... don't know when I'm supposed to unpack."
"Why?"
He looked down and played with the zipper on his suitcase.
After a moment, he said.
"Dad said we'd talk to you after Lily's birthday."
Something inside me tightened.
"Talk to me about what?"
Evan didn't answer right away.
He seemed to be working up the courage to say something. Then he suddenly looked up at me and tried the word carefully.
"Mom?"
I froze.
Evan immediately looked nervous.
"Was that too soon?"
"Who told you to call me that?"
His fingers tightened around the zipper.
"Dad."
I stared at him.
Evan clearly had no idea he'd done anything wrong. He could only explain it the way Nathan had explained it to him.
"He said it might feel strange to you at first, but if I really treated you and Lily like my family, you'd start to accept me."
A cold feeling slowly spread through my chest.
"Accept what?"
Evan looked at me.
"Letting me stay here for good."