Chapter 3

David and I had been together for five years. We weren't exactly all over each other, but we never had any big fights. I always thought he was a reliable guy and never imagined he'd start counting pennies with me.

But the moment we got married, his true colors showed.

"So, what are you planning to do?" Sophie asked, eyeing me. "Are you seriously going to split everything with him now?"

"Absolutely." I nodded. "If he wants to keep track of every cent, then let's settle every penny."

I pulled out my phone, not missing a beat, and shot David a text. "From now on, the monthly housing fee is $983. Please transfer it before the 1st of each month. After subtracting living expenses, you still owe me $17.

"Also, I won't be cooking or doing any housework anymore. If you need a maid, you'll have to pay market rates."

Not long after I sent the message, David called me. "Emily, what exactly are you trying to do?"

"I'm not trying to do anything," I replied calmly. "You're the one who wanted to go Dutch. I'm going along with your rules."

"This isn't going along. You're being unreasonable."

"Unreasonable?" I laughed. "David, think about it. Who was the one who wanted to keep score in the first place?"

"I meant splitting the living expenses, not paying for the house itself."

"Oh, so you only want to count what's good for you, but when it's something that benefits me, it doesn't count?"

There was silence on the other end.

I kept going, "You said it yourself. We're supposed to keep our finances independent. So my money should be making me something, shouldn't it? Why should you get to use my money for nothing?"

"This is our home."

"It's your home," I shot back. "The deed's got your name on it, so I'm a tenant. Tenants pay rent, and landlords owe interest for the upgrades."

David was so furious that he couldn't even get a word out.

I waited a few seconds, and when he still didn't say anything, I hung up.

Not long after, he called me again.

"Emily, let's meet up and talk," David said, his tone much softer this time. "Whatever's going on, we can work it out together."

"There's nothing to discuss," I cut him off. "You wrote the agreement, and I signed it, so we stick to it."

"But..."

"What's wrong, Mr. Carter? Having second thoughts?" I teased. "Ready to rip up the contract?"

"That's not what I meant."

"Then stick to the agreement. Make sure you send the money before the first of every month. Don't be late."

I hung up, and Sophie was laughing so hard she could barely breathe. "Emily, you're a total badass. David's about to learn what it means to shoot himself in the foot."

I stared at my phone, but honestly, I wasn't as happy as I thought I'd be.

We'd been married for less than three days, and I was already keeping score with my husband. What kind of marriage is that?

But since David started this whole scorekeeping thing, I was going to play along until the very end. I wasn't about to let myself get the short end of the stick.

*****

The next day was Saturday, and I was having breakfast at Sophie's place when David showed up.

"Emily, why aren't you home?" David stood at the door, looking annoyed. "I was home alone last night and didn't even have anything to eat."

"You could've ordered takeout," Emily said, not even bothering to look up. "Or, you know, cook something yourself."

"I can't cook."

"Then learn, or hire a maid," I said, setting down my fork and looking straight at him. "David, you don't seriously think splitting the bills means you pay the mortgage, and I do all the chores, right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, if we're keeping track, my labor counts too," I said, pulling out my phone. "I checked. Getting a maid costs 20 dollars an hour.

"Cooking three meals and cleaning up takes at least four hours a day, so that's 80 dollars a day. That comes out to 2,000 dollars a month."

David's eyes went wide. "You want to charge me 2,000 dollars for housework?"

"It's not me. It's what the market charges," I said with a shrug. "If you want everything to be fair and square, then I'll stick to the market price too."

"Emily, you're crazy."

"I'm not crazy. I'm being logical," I said, getting to my feet. "David, you're the one who wanted to keep track of every penny, not me. So if we're doing this, let's get everything straight."

I pulled out a piece of paper, filled with every expense I could think of. "Here's the breakdown: housing fee, $983 a month. Housework: $2,000 a month.

"Take away the $1,000 for living expenses, and you still owe me $1,983 every month."

David's face went completely green.

"Emily, don't push it." David was shaking with anger. "2,000 dollars for housework? Who do you think you are, a super nanny or something?"

"I'm your wife," I said calmly. "But if you want to treat our marriage like a business deal, then I'll charge you market rates."

"When did I ever say I wanted to turn our marriage into a business deal?"

"Going Dutch isn't a business arrangement? Then what is?" I laughed. "David, you're the one who insisted on separate finances. If we're keeping everything independent, then my labor has value too."

David stood there, pointing at me, totally lost for words.