Chapter 3

The exam site was at school, a fifteen-minute walk from my building.

The gate was already packed with parents and students, some taking photos, some hugging, some crying.

Our homeroom teacher stood at the entrance handing out admission tickets, and he smiled when he saw the three of us. "You three, go do your best."

Madison nodded, and Alex said, "Don't worry about us."

I smiled and said nothing. Right before I went in, Alex called me back. "Sophie."

I turned around. He stood a few steps away with the sun on his shoulders, his shadow stretched long across the pavement.

He said, "I'll be right here when you come out."

"Okay," I said.

I turned and walked through the gate.

Behind me, I heard Madison. "Alex, do you think Sophie's nervous? She always gets nervous before a big test. I'm worried about her."

Alex said, "She holds up better than you do."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

I didn't look back. The hallway was long, and the sunlight came through the windows onto floor tiles worn smooth and shiny.

I walked slowly, one step at a time, planting each one. The exam room was on the third floor, next to the windows.

I put my backpack in the locker by the podium and took only the clear case and my admission ticket.

Once I sat down, I opened the case and set the pens out in a row on the desk.

The same brand, black gel pens, fine point, exactly the ones my future self had named.

I put the case Alex gave me at the corner of the desk and left it alone.

I took out the spare pen Layla gave me the night before, pulled off the cap, and wrote one word on the scrap paper.

Stirling. The black ink spread slowly into the paper.

I wrote Grant. I wrote Reed. I wrote Hayes. The letters were sharp and clear.

Ten minutes later, they were still there. Twenty minutes later, they were still there.

An hour later, when I went into the exam room, the word Stirling was still there.

I tore off the scrap of paper and dropped it into the desk tray.

I put Layla's pen back in the case and zipped it shut.

When the bell rang, I put my head down and started answering. Multiple choice, fill-in-the-blank, short answer, and essay.

Every stroke on the answer sheet was clean and even, and the sunlight came through the window onto white paper and black ink, all of it clear.

Every stroke was mine, and every point was mine, and nobody could take it away.

For all three days of the exam, I used the pens Layla put together for me.

The case Alex gave me went back to him untouched, exactly the way he handed it over.

I had quietly traded their pens for the ones in my own case, and nobody noticed a thing.

When I came out after the last exam, Alex was waiting at the gate.

Madison stood next to him, and the two of them were laughing about something.

Madison saw me, ran over, and hugged me. "Sophie. It's finally over."

She bounced on the spot, and her hair hit my face hard enough to sting.

Alex came over, took a bottle of water out of his backpack, and handed it to me. "How did it go?"

"Fine," I said.

I took the water, opened it, and drank, and he smiled, and I caught the relief in it.

He said, "Of course it went fine. When have you ever let anybody down?"

I screwed the cap back on and put the bottle in my backpack. Right. When had I ever let anybody down?

So why were they doing this to me? I kept the question in my mouth, smiled, and said, "Let's go home."

The three days of the exam went by like any other day.

Before each session, Alex checked my pencil case the way he always did.

He unzipped it, took out every pen, looked them over, and put them back.

It looked completely natural, like a boyfriend taking care of his girlfriend.

If my future self hadn't handed me the answer in advance, I never would have questioned it.

Who would suspect a boy who bought her breakfast every morning, helped her study, and promised to wait outside for her?

"Sophie, you've got everything? No. 2 pencils, eraser, ruler, black gel pens. Don't leave anything out.

"You checked three times yesterday.

"I don't want you missing something."

He smiled, sealed the case, and handed it over. "You've got this."

I took it without opening it. There was no need, because I had already swapped every pen inside.

He thought he had slipped the disappearing pen into mine, and by then that pen was sitting in his own case.

I was using the normal pens Layla put together, and I did the same thing to Madison.

The night before the exam, I went over to borrow a charger, and while she was out of the room getting water, I swapped the pens in her case for the disappearing ones Alex gave me and moved her good pens into his.

Three people, three cases, and I had switched all of them.

They both thought the disappearing pens were with me, and both of them were holding one.

Neither of them knew the other had one, the same way neither of them knew that what each of them had with me had already crossed the line marked best friend and boyfriend. Both lines were long gone.

Back then, I didn't know exactly what they had done.

My future self hadn't gone into detail. She had only given me the result.

Looking back, some of it was meant for me to find on my own.

Some truths I had to see myself before I could let go of them for good.