Chapter 1
The day before the SATs, I recorded a video for the version of me ten years down the road.
And I actually reached her on the other end.
"Did I get into the combined bachelor's and master's program at Stirling? Is Madison still my best friend?
"If it all went smoothly, I should have finished grad school and gone from campus to wedding dress with Alex, right?
"Maybe we even have a sweet little kid by now. I already picked out a nickname for the baby."
My face went hot as I let myself imagine all of it.
But the second my future self heard Alex's name, she blew up.
"Alex loaded your pencil case with disappearing ink pens so Madison could take the top score in the city.
"You didn't get into Stirling, and you had to repeat the year.
"Alex acted heartbroken and agreed to do long distance with you.
"Then he went public with Madison at school, and they became the couple everyone envied.
"Sophie, you are such a fool. He cheated on you, and you thanked Madison for looking after your boyfriend."
*****
The day before the SATs, I shut myself in my room to record a video.
It was called the Decade Dialogue Challenge, and it had been going around my class group chat for weeks.
A person talked into the camera, put the video away, and watched it again ten years later. Supposedly, it made people cry.
I propped up my phone, hit record, fixed my bangs, and smiled into the camera.
I said, "Hey, Sophie Grant from ten years out, how are you doing?"
I leaned back in my chair and counted on my fingers.
"You got into Stirling, right? Finished the combined bachelor's and master's? Landed a job at some big tech company, making 300 thousand dollars a year?"
I started laughing at myself halfway through.
"You married Alex, right? Did you have the wedding by the beach? I have told him a hundred times that I love the ocean.
"Do you have kids yet? How many? Boys or girls?"
The more I talked, the more worked up I got, until I was sprawled across the desk with my chin on the back of my hand.
"I'll tell you something, I'm not nervous at all right now.
"I have gone over every question that could show up on tomorrow's test, and Alex says that once we both get into Stirling, we'll take a photo under the big oak at the school gate every year.
"Every year until we graduate, until we get married, until we have a baby."
The second I said Alex's name, the screen flickered.
It wasn't the usual signal drop. The whole picture shook hard, like somebody had grabbed the phone.
I froze, then leaned in, and my face on the screen started to warp.
It was as if an invisible hand had crushed it into a ball and then slowly smoothed it out again.
When the picture steadied, the person on the screen was still me, and also not quite me.
She wore clothes I had never seen, and her expression was one I had never worn, anger and heartbreak and something underneath both of them.
Her teeth were clenched, and what came off her was the frustration of somebody watching me throw everything away.
"Sophie." Her voice came from somewhere far off. "Listen to me."
I instinctively sat up straight.
She said, "That pencil case Alex gave you has disappearing ink pens in it.
"Tomorrow he's going to make sure you use one on your exam."
I sat up straight without thinking, and my heart skipped.
She continued, "You didn't get into Stirling.
"You had to repeat the year, and you lost the best year you had.
"You spent a long time trying to find out what went wrong and you never could, because the writing disappeared after two hours and nobody could back you up."
Her voice began to shake. "He and Madison went public at school and became the couple everyone envied.
"Everyone treated you like the crazy ex who wouldn't let go.
"Your mom lost twenty pounds worrying about you, and half her hair went white. Your dad broke his leg on the job site that year, the money stopped, and you couldn't cover the tuition to repeat.
"Sophie, you are such an idiot.
"He cheated on you, and you turned around and thanked her for looking after your boyfriend."
The screen flickered hard a few times, like an old TV giving out.
I reached for it, and my fingers hit the scorching glass and jerked back.
The picture was gone. The screen went back to the normal lock screen, and the time still read 9:47 PM.
I sat in my chair, cold all over, and the back of my pajamas was soaked through with sweat and stuck to my skin.
The AC was set to 78 degrees, and I felt like I had dropped into a freezer.
I looked down at my hands. My fingers were still shaking, and it wasn't from the cold. It was fear.
My future self had never been the kind of person who joked around.
Every word she said carried a real, burning, undeniable pain.