Chapter 1

On the first day of college, I blocked my boyfriend on every platform.

"Seriously? Just because I helped Emma with her luggage and didn't help you?" Alex raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Whatever," he scoffed.

"You'll come crawling back sooner or later," he added.

After eighteen years together, he'd gotten used to me caving every time. Just like every other argument, he was sure I'd be the first to cave.

But this time, I didn't explain myself, and I didn't come back to him.

Later, during the first snow in a foreign country, his message popped up on my phone.

Alex: [Sophie, where did you go?]

*****

On the first day of college, I broke up with Alex Shaw right outside the dorm.

"It was not convenient for Emma to use her hands, and since we're from the same hometown, I just helped her out. Why are you being so petty about it? She even asked me to bring you a milkshake," Alex said.

Alex had one hand in his pocket, the other clutching a strawberry milkshake.

No matter how many times I'd told him, he just kept acting close to Emma.

"With nails that long, she probably can't even eat by herself. Why don't you just feed her yourself? And I'm allergic to strawberries. Sure, she doesn't know, but you forgot, too?" I snapped.

Alex said, "Sophie, can you not make a scene every time? How many times do I have to tell you that Emma's just a good friend from back home?

"She's new here, doesn't know a soul. I'm just helping her out, that's it. I don't have feelings for her."

Alex ran a hand through his hair, looking annoyed.

He said, "So, breaking up again? How many days is it gonna last this time? Honestly, I bet you've lost track of how many times you've pulled this. Want me to start keeping score for you? Face it, Sophie, you always come back."

Alex crossed his arms, smirked, and watched me with that smug look, like he was just waiting for me to cave.

"My birthday's in a week. I know you've been planning my present forever. Go ahead, break up now, but I bet you'll still show up with my gift when the time comes," he added.

"I'm not giving it to you. I'm throwing it out," I said calmly.

Alex was caught off guard for a moment, but he quickly regained his composure.

"Alright, Sophie. Let's see how long you can keep this up. Just don't come begging me to take you back when you can't hold out anymore," he said.

With that, Alex turned and walked away.

I dragged myself back to the dorm. The campus streetlights flickered in and out, just like my relationship with Alex. It used to shine so brightly, but now it just wavered, uncertain and unstable.

Alex and I had been childhood friends since we were five.

We grew up side by side, from elementary school all the way through high school.

When we were five, Alex let me have the last cookie by the slide at kindergarten.

Back in elementary school, when some boys were bullying me, he was the first to jump in and stand up for me, even though he ended up scraping his knees.

At our middle school graduation, with the whole class teasing us, he blushed, grabbed my hand, and said, "Sophie, we'll always be together."

Alex was impossibly handsome. With a height of 6 feet and those perfect features, he always had girls chasing after him, ever since we were little.

Back in high school, there were always girls hanging around the basketball court, hoping to hand him a bottle of water, but he'd always make his way through the crowd just to get the bottle I brought him.

Some girls even had the guts to shoot their shot and confess their feelings.

He'd just shrug and say, "Sorry, I've already got a girlfriend. My girlfriend wouldn't be happy about this."

Everyone around me envied me for having a boyfriend who was drop-dead gorgeous and totally devoted. They were always saying we were a perfect match, like we were meant to be together.

But then, during the summer break of our sophomore year, Emma showed up. In just one summer, their relationship went from zero to a hundred.

She acted quite close to him, and Alex never stopped her. Before I knew it, they had this kind of unspoken connection that I couldn't even get between.

His phone always had Emma's chat pinned at the top, and his photo album started filling up with pictures of places I'd never even seen before.

Back in my dorm, I started throwing my stuff into my suitcase right away.

The suitcase lay open on the floor, like a gaping mouth, mocking all the times I let them walk all over me.

The university abroad was starting in a week. If I didn't hurry, I'd miss the registration for this semester.

I never wanted to go abroad for college. All I wanted was to stay here and go to college with Alex. When my mom pushed me to study overseas, I even had a huge fight with her about it. But right now, I was actually grateful to my mom.

"Sophie, what are you doing?" my new roommate asked.

She just came in, hugging a stack of fresh textbooks.

Her eyes went wide as she took in the mess of luggage scattered all over the floor.

"You're going home already? On the first day of school?" she asked.

"No, I'm not going home. I'm dropping out," I said, shoving a folded sweater into my suitcase.

She was clearly taken aback, but then she noticed my eyes rimmed with red.

This girl I'd barely known for a day crouched down and gently placed her hand over my trembling one.

"How about we hit up that stew restaurant by the campus gate this afternoon? I heard their tomato stew is seriously good," she suggested.

I glanced up at her, and she smiled at me, a little bashful.

"Guess it's destined that we ended up as roommates, huh? So, let's call it a little send-off for you, okay?" she added.

Outside, the chatter and laughter of students making new friends floated in through the window, so full of life.

I blinked back the tears in my eyes and gave a small nod.

"Okay," I replied softly.