Chapter 1
Rufus Bowman and I had been married for seven years. I had been pregnant nine times, but ended up losing every baby.
The first time, the doctor said the baby wasn't developing properly and recommended an abortion.
The second time, right after my prenatal check-up, I was hit by a motorcycle that ran a red light and was hurled fifty yards.
The third time, I was kidnapped by one of Rufus's business rivals and almost ended up dying with my baby.
Rufus, out of concern for me, suggested not having kids anymore. But I knew how much he wanted children.
Nearly half a year had passed since my last pregnancy, and I was finally pregnant again.
When I went to find Rufus with the ultrasound report, I overheard him talking to his doctor friend.
The doctor said, "Rufus, this is Sacha's tenth pregnancy. If she keeps going through with abortions, she might never be able to have children again.
"The baby... is healthy."
Rufus was silent for a long moment, his voice hoarse.
He said, "Back then, because of Sacha, Hazel aborted our child out of spite. Hazel said she'd only forgive me if Sacha paid for it ten times over. And as for Sacha...
"Her father gave his life to save me in a fire. I promised him I'd look after her, so no matter what, she'll always be my wife."
I placed my hand on my belly, tears streaming down my face.
After losing baby after baby, I'd always thought I wasn't lucky enough to be a mother.
But now I realized every single loss was orchestrated by Rufus.
Since that was what he wanted, I wouldn't keep this baby anymore.
I didn't want Rufus either.
*****
The door wasn't fully closed, just left ajar.
I stood silently outside, watching Rufus's chiseled profile.
Every word that came out of his mouth felt so unfamiliar, as if spoken by a stranger.
A kid tore down the hallway and crashed hard into my stomach, sending a sharp jolt of pain through me.
The mother rushed over, flustered and apologizing, but her words barely registered. I couldn't hear a thing.
I stood there, staring at Rufus in a daze.
He stared out the window, almost as if he was talking to himself.
Rufus murmured, "This is the tenth time, and also the last.
"This is my proof to Hazel that I love her."
Just two sentences, but they cut right through my chest like knives.
It turned out that the baby I'd been so happy about was a tool for Rufus to prove to Hazel how much he loved her.
My mind was a jumble, like static on a broken TV.
Suddenly, Hazel's voice echoed from around the corner.
She said, "Sacha, why are you walking so fast? I went to the bathroom, and you disappeared.
"Where's your ultrasound? Come on, let me see. Did you get pregnant again?"
Hazel's voice was playful and crisp, echoing right outside the door.
With a door between us, Rufus suddenly swung it open.
He spotted me, his brows knitting for a moment, a brief panic flashing in his eyes. "When did you get here?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but Hazel cut in before I could. "We just got here."
Rufus's face fell, his expression turning sour.
"Did I ask you? Why are you always butting in?" he snapped.
Hazel stuck out her tongue, hooked her arms through mine and swayed me side to side, her voice playful as she complained.
She said, "Sacha, can you do something about Rufus? He's being so mean to me!"
I subtly pulled my arm free, trying to keep my voice calm. "We just got here."
Hazel perked up at that, suddenly looking a lot more confident.
She put her hands on her hips and gave Rufus a mock glare.
But honestly, it was more her being playful than actually angry.
She said, "Rufus, you're being so unfair. I told you, but you still don't believe me. So mean.
"I'm mad at you now!"
Rufus couldn't help but laugh, shaking his head as he ruffled her hair, his tone doting.
He said, "Okay. I'm sorry, alright?"
They were laughing and messing around, totally wrapped up in each other. I was Rufus's wife, yet I felt like I didn't even belong.
It had always been like this between them.
Every time, I'd remind myself that they grew up together, like brother and sister, so it was only natural they were close. I shouldn't get jealous.
Rufus's words still echoed in my ears. I couldn't keep fooling myself anymore.
My hand, hidden behind my back, pressed my nails silently into my palm.
The sting was real, but it was nothing compared to the ache tearing through my heart.