Chapter 4

Hearing Emily's name suddenly from Olivia caught me completely off guard.

My heart dropped like a stone.

"No, I didn't," I replied quietly.

Emily was Ryan's first love.

After their breakup, he was a total wreck for weeks. He barely acted like himself anymore.

That was when I blurted out my feelings to him, right in the middle of his worst slump.

Honestly, that day felt like me giving myself an ultimatum—Either go for it now, or just let him go forever.

I'd heard that every girl who tried to get close to Ryan got coldly rejected.

I figured if he did the same to me, maybe I could finally give up for good.

But the rejection I expected never came.

Ryan just looked at me, his expression totally blank—so calm that it was almost creepy.

He said, "You like me? Then let's be together."

And just like that, we ended up together—no big explanation, no grand gestures. It just happened.

He never brought up Emily, and I never asked.

Her name became an unspoken taboo between us.

And for six years, it was the shadow we could never get past.

Olivia looked troubled, clearly uncertain if she should continue.

"Carrie, I don't mean to interfere, but just... be careful," she said, her words fading at the end.

I understood what she meant without her having to spell it out.

I knew all too well how much Ryan had changed for Emily and just how deeply he'd cared for her.

As the one who had loved him silently for so long, I saw it all—every agonizing detail, clearer than anyone else ever could.

Back then, he was head over heels for her, so much that it nearly broke him.

Olivia rushed off as the wedding was about to begin.

I sat there, watching Ryan talk with his friends across the room.

Something he heard must've gotten to him. His face suddenly looked tense.

I looked away and let my gaze settle on the floral arrangements nearby.

Everything about this wedding just felt so sweet and dreamy.

But the emptiness inside me just kept growing, deeper and darker with every passing moment.

Ryan was back before I knew it.

He sat down next to me, his breath a little shaky.

Other people might not notice, but I could instantly sense his mood was off.

But right then, I just didn't feel like asking anymore.

I'd been crushing on Ryan long before he even had a clue.

All through high school and college, I was just some invisible little star, hopelessly orbiting his world, caught up in his gravity whether he noticed or not.

But the moon never spared a glance at the stars that followed it.

We brushed past each other so many times, yet he never really noticed me, not even once.

And when I finally mustered the courage to tell him how I felt, he was already with Emily.

No matter where I went on campus, I always seemed to run into them together.

They were inseparable—always walking side by side, like they belonged together.

From every angle, they seemed perfectly matched, almost annoyingly so.

After seeing them together time after time, I tried convincing myself I'd finally move on.

But two years later, when I heard they'd split up, all those feelings I had buried just came rushing back before I could even stop them.

The night I went to confess my feelings to him, I was sure I would be rejected.

But somehow, to my complete surprise, he said yes.

I actually became his girlfriend—officially.

I never fooled myself. I always knew the truth.

Ryan started seeing me right after their breakup, probably out of spite, or just to make Emily regret leaving him.

But honestly, I was so caught up in the joy of finally being with him that I didn't care about any of that. As long as I was with him, I thought I could handle anything.

Then once that initial rush wore off, doubts started creeping in—how long could we actually keep this going?

Still, six years passed in a blur, and we even started living together.

Apart from Ryan never mentioning marrying me, we looked just like any other couple—almost. Sometimes, I almost let myself believe we were.

He'd swing by the bakery and pick up my favorite snacks on his way back from work, like he knew exactly how to cheer me up.

Whenever I was sick, he'd stay up with me all night, keeping watch and making sure I was okay.

Sure, Ryan had a temper.

But as long as I swallowed my pride and gave in first, things always went back to normal between us.

For a while, I kept telling myself maybe things could stay just like this. Maybe I'd never have to face the truth.

Then, that night, everything changed.

I saw that message on his phone.