Chapter 4
The next day, Randy asked me out to the set.
The actress was shooting a water scene.
She had to get in on a freezing winter day, and her face went deathly pale.
Randy didn't pay me any attention. He rushed over to butter her up.
Matilda was there too, claiming she was visiting the set.
She walked right up to me, her face instantly souring.
She said, "See? Randy already has someone he likes. Three years ago, three years later, Nellie, you're just as shameless as ever."
Three years ago, she was all smiles in public and a snake behind my back. I'd been numb to it.
I didn't get it. She'd got everything, so why couldn't she just leave me alone?
I softened my tone. "If you really don't want me around, I'll just disappear from your life."
Matilda's beauty was striking and flamboyant, a total contrast to my own sallow, skinny reflection in the glass door.
She said, "No, I want you to watch Lawrence marry me. I want you to taste what it's like when the person you love gets taken from you right before your eyes."
I used to think seeing him marry someone else would destroy me. But all that was left was a bitter ache.
"Alright," I said.
I turned around and saw Lawrence standing there.
When did he get here? And how much did he overhear?
Randy just stood there watching as the actress, shivering all over, kept shouting for a stunt double.
No one on set wanted to get in the water and do the scene.
This was just one of Randy's tactics to make the actress cave.
Matilda nudged me. "Didn't you always say you wanted to get into the entertainment industry, Nellie?"
I automatically looked over at Lawrence.
He narrowed his eyes with a cold look. "Go ahead. Randy's looking for you."
He was silently giving me the green light.
I instinctively stepped back, but in the end, I could only walk over to Randy.
"Didn't you say you'd do whatever I asked?" Randy said, his eyes locked on mine.
"Be her stunt double," he added.
I turned to look at Lawrence. He'd heard everything, but he didn't care. He just sat off to the side like none of this had anything to do with him.
He was fiddling with his lighter.
Begging Lawrence for help would only make things worse for me.
They could crush someone like me like squashing an ant.
I gave in.
The actress was meticulous about every shot. She demanded perfection in every detail.
She was the gold standard in the industry.
Bracing myself, I plunged into the water. The biting cold was relentless, piercing straight through to my core.
Within seconds, I couldn't catch my breath. My legs buckled, and the water swallowed me up, flooding my mouth and nose.
My mind was spinning, and the noise around me was deafening.
Inside my head, it was just as loud.
"Damn bitch! All these years with the Parker family, and you haven't saved a single penny!"
"You're nothing but a good-for-nothing! Just a worthless burden!"
That was the first time I realized just how many cruel words there were in the world.
I couldn't control my breathing. My lungs felt like broken bellows, useless and spent.
It felt like my body was drifting, floating away from everything.
Every part of me hurt, the pain radiating all the way to my chest.
In my haze, I saw Lawrence lift me out of the water.
A sharp, bloody taste hit my throat, and I hacked hard, blood gushing from my mouth.
The doctor's words echoed in my mind, both heartbreaking and bitter. I couldn't help but laugh, shakily holding out my blood-stained hands to him.
"Lawrence, I'm dying. Does this make you happy?" I asked.
Just like I used to, I showed him my true feelings. "Lawrence, look at me. I mean it. I love you."
It was just as pathetic and humiliating as ever.
"You're not going to die," he said.
For the first time, his voice actually shook.
Right then, a sliver of hope crept into my heart.
Maybe, just maybe, he actually cared about me a little. He might show me some mercy.
When I came to again, I saw Matilda standing at the door of my hospital room, giving me a frosty, hostile look.
Lawrence kicked the door open, his chest heaving. He tossed the medical scans right in my face.
"You think lying to me is some kind of joke?" Lawrence's voice was icy.
I clutched the blanket, lowering my head, wishing I could just disappear.
But he wouldn't let me hide.
He grabbed my collar, forcing me to look up at him.
"Just a tiny spot on your scan, and you think you're dying?" he said coldly.
That shadow on my scan was pulmonary fibrosis, and it had gotten way worse since last time.
I gave a faint, bitter smile. "I was just kidding."
Lawrence shot back, pure sarcasm in his voice and annoyance in his eyes. "Yeah, figures. Trouble like you never seems to die off."
I tried to pull his hand away, but Lawrence's grip was like iron. My collar was yanked open before I could stop him.
My eyes went red with shame, and I panicked, reaching up to cover myself.
But Lawrence had already seen it all.
He pried my arms away, exposing the tattoo on my collarbone, the letters "L.M" intertwined with a rose logo, like a brand of shame I could never escape.
All these years, I was too scared of the pain and too broke to get it removed, so I never got around to it.
Lawrence clamped his hand around my throat, his grip merciless.
His eyes burned with disgust. "Didn't you say you didn't love me anymore?
"Nellie, what I hate most is people who keep pestering me, and I hate liars even more.
"And you? You disgust me."
I felt a wave of panic.
I begged, "I'm sorry. I'll go and get it removed today. I know I was wrong."