Chapter 1

During those days before my abortion, every night, a little voice kept asking me, "Mom, why don't you want me anymore?"

Still, I went through with it, then marched into court and sent the bastard who hurt me straight to jail.

But when everything settled, I didn't get applause. Everyone pointed fingers at me.

The neighbor, furious that I'd sent her son to jail, stood outside my house every day, screaming at me, "You shameless slut! You seduced my son and ruined his life!"

My friends laughed at me. "Why are you so desperate? He's ten years older than you."

My parents looked at me with disappointment and asked, "How could you be so heartless? You sent the neighbor's son to jail. How are we ever going to show our faces around here again?"

I'd been abused for three years. Was I really supposed to just take it and never fight back?

All I wanted was to live like a normal girl.

*****

When the judge finally ruled in my favor, I couldn't help but hug my knees and cry my heart out.

I thought I'd finally broken out of my cocoon and was ready to step into the light.

But as soon as I walked out of the courthouse, my mom slapped me hard across the face.

I clutched my cheek, staring at my mom's face twisted with rage.

"Isn't it shameful enough that you got taken advantage of? Why did you have to make a scene and let the whole world know? Are you trying to embarrass us even more?"

The lady judge stepped outside and frowned at the sight.

She said firmly, "Ma'am, your daughter did nothing wrong.

"When something like this happens, you should stand up and fight back. Keeping quiet and putting up with it only gives the bad guys more power."

My mom scoffed, "That's easy for you to say. It's not your business. I've got a son to worry about.

"Her reputation is ruined. Who's going to want to marry her now, let alone support our family? If my son Jake can't find a wife because of this, I'll make sure you pay for it!"

The judge looked like she wanted to say more.

But I knew my mom's temper. If the judge kept talking, my mom would throw a fit and make a scene all day.

I quickly grabbed her arm, stood between them, and held onto my mom's sleeve. "Mom, let's just go home."

My mom kept cursing me the entire way home.

She called me cheap and shameless, saying I'd ruined the whole family.

I kept my mouth shut until we were almost at the village entrance.

Finally, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

"Mom, what if this happened to you? What would you do?" I couldn't help but ask.

Mom just snorted, "Obviously, whoever did that to me would have to take care of me for the rest of my life."

Her words made my chest tighten, and I had to bite back a sob, trying not to fall apart right there.

After what felt like forever, I finally forced out a reply. "He's old enough to be my dad!"

"So what?" my mom snapped back, like it was nothing.

The way she said it made my skin crawl.

"As long as he raises us, the older, the better. I won't have to take care of him for as many years," she added.

Right then, I was completely lost for words.

There was a gaping chasm between us, one we'd never be able to cross.

Anything else I said would just be a waste of breath.

Back in my room, I shut the door and sank down against it, sliding to the floor. A small slip of paper fell out.

I recognized the lady judge's handwriting. It had to be her phone number.

I clutched that thin piece of paper, feeling like someone out there actually had my back. I knew I really wasn't in the wrong after all.

My volunteer teacher, who's gone now, once held my hand and said, "Studying is your ticket out of here. The ocean is just beyond these mountains. If you ever get the chance, go see it for yourself."

When I finally made it to middle school and stepped out of the mountains for the first time, I didn't see the ocean.

But deep down, I knew the ocean wasn't too far off.

As the oldest kid in my class, I got laughed at a lot. So I could only stay up late with my books, grinding away while everyone else slept.

I only got about four hours of sleep a night, grinding through homework and cramming for exams nonstop.

I was determined to prove myself with my grades, so I studied as hard as I possibly could.

I did this for a shot at escaping this place and seeing what was out there beyond these mountains.

But half a month went by, and my college admission letter was still nowhere to be seen.