Chapter 6
Their eyes were full of entitlement, superiority, and condescension. So my very existence had been a mistake.
So I'd always been a burden. So they'd never wanted me at all.
"So you've never loved me, have you?"
Mom said nothing.
Dad turned his face away.
James let out a cold snort.
Only Emily spoke, smiling as she did.
"Helen, does it really matter whether we love you or not?"
"You're already this old and you still care about that?"
"Can't you be a little more mature and think about the family for once?"
Think about the family.
But this family had never once thought about me.
"I get it now."
"Since you never wanted me in the first place, then I don't need to care about your feelings anymore either."
I pulled the lab report from my bag.
I was ready to unfold it.
Ready to tell them the truth, that the one who was sick wasn't me. It was Emily.
But right when I was about to speak, I changed my mind.
"What you're saying is, I should just accept my fate, right?"
Mom nodded.
"When someone gets sick, they should accept it."
"Stop making a fuss, and stop bringing trouble to the family."
Dad said too, "Exactly. Treatment might not even work, so why waste the money?"
"If you really care about this family, then go quietly and don't drag us down with you."
James was even more disgusting.
"Honestly, Helen, if you were gone, it'd probably be a good thing for this family."
"At least we wouldn't have to listen to you whining all the time anymore."
When he finished, Emily actually laughed out loud.
At that moment, countless images flashed through my mind.
When I was little and burning with a fever, Grandma carried me and rushed me all the way to the hospital. When Emily caught a cold, Mom drove her to the best children's hospital in the middle of the night.
On my high school entrance exam, I ranked first in the whole city, and Grandma cried from happiness. When James made the top fifty in his grade, the whole family celebrated, and Dad rewarded him with a new phone.
When I graduated college, I called home in my cap and gown to share the good news. Mom just said, "Got it," and hung up.
When Emily graduated high school, the whole family went to her school to take pictures and even threw a huge banquet for her.
So all these years, I'd been fooling myself. Telling myself they were only a little biased. Telling myself they still loved me.
But the truth was, they never had. Not once.
"Since this is how all of you feel, then what exactly am I still fighting for?"
"I should never have been born into this family, right?"
Mom frowned.
"What nonsense are you talking now?"
"When you were pregnant with me, you didn't even want me. But since you couldn't keep yourselves in check, you had me anyway."
"And after I was born, you didn't even raise me properly. You dumped me on Grandma and barely saw me a few times a year."
"Now you're calling me a curse. But is that my fault? Did I ask to be born into this family? If you couldn't handle it back then, why didn't you just end the pregnancy?"
I'd swallowed those words for twenty-eight years. Today, they finally came out.
Mom's face turned red in an instant.
"You... what did you say?"
"I said why didn't you just end the pregnancy back then?"
I shouted it.
"If you never wanted me, then why did you bring me into this world?"
"And after you had me, why didn't you treat me right? What the hell were you thinking?"
"Did you just want one more kid to take care of you when you got old?"
"And now that I'm no use to you, you wish I'd die sooner. Is that it?"
Mom shook all over with rage.
Dad charged over and raised his hand.
Smack.
A slap landed hard across my face.
"You ungrateful daughter!"
"We raised you all these years, and this is how you repay us?"
Smack.
Another slap.
"Ungrateful brat!"
"Heartless little snake!"
Mom rushed over too.
Smack.
The third slap.
"Why don't you just die already?"
Smack.
The fourth slap.
"How did we end up with someone like you?"
James stood off to the side, watching coldly. He didn't stop them.
There was even a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.