Chapter 4
At that moment, I finally understood. They didn't care at all.
Even if I really had leukemia. Even if I were one step from death. They still wouldn't care.
Because the one who was sick was me. The me who had never been worth their concern.
"Then what if I need a bone marrow transplant?"
I didn't know where the courage came from, but I kept going.
The doctor said family members have the highest chance of matching. Would you all be willing to get tested for me?"
The moment I finished speaking, the four of them looked at me together. This time, their expressions matched.
Resistance. Rejection. Disgust.
Mom's voice suddenly shot up.
"A match test? Donating bone marrow?"
"Do you even know how risky bone marrow donation is?"
"They have to extract so much. What if something goes wrong?"
As she spoke, she glanced at Emily instinctively.
"We can't let Emily take that risk."
"She's still so young. She isn't even married or had kids yet. What if it damages her health..."
Dad nodded too.
"Right. Bone marrow donation is too risky."
"You're sick. You can't drag the whole family down with you."
He paused, his eyes flickering.
"Besides, aren't you a doctor? You work at the hospital. It shouldn't be hard for you to find a match, right?"
"Why does it have to be someone in the family?"
James was even harsher.
He let out a cold laugh.
"Helen, you didn't do this on purpose, did you?"
"Pretending you're sick so you can force us to donate bone marrow?"
"Do you have some grudge against us and want to get back at us like this?"
Listening to them, all I felt was absurdity. My own parents. My own brother.
And they actually thought I was using an illness to get revenge on them.
Mom gave a snort. "If you're really sick, then just rest, drink more warm water, and get some sleep."
"Stop thinking all kinds of nonsense all day."
She said it so lightly.
Like leukemia was just a cold that could be fixed with hot water.
I looked at her, the woman who had given birth to me and raised me. There wasn't a shred of worry in her eyes right now. Only impatience.
"Mom, leukemia isn't a cold. Warm water won't do anything."
I said every word slowly.
"It requires a bone marrow transplant. It requires family matching."
James shot to his feet.
The chair scraped across the floor with a harsh screech.
"Enough! Helen, what the hell do you want?"
He pointed at me, his face flushed red.
"Every single time you come back, you make the whole family miserable!"
"Last time it was saying Mom and Dad play favorites, and this time it's claiming you're sick!"
"Can you just knock it off for once? Can you let this family have one peaceful day?"
His voice kept getting louder, filled with open disgust.
"Do you even know Mom's blood pressure goes up every time you make a scene?"
"You're a curse. A total disaster!"
"If you're so miserable, why didn't you just disappear a long time ago?"
That last sentence stabbed straight into my heart.
I looked at James.
At the boy who had once held my hand and called me his little sister.
Now all I could see in his eyes was loathing.
Dad stood up too.
He walked over and looked down at me from above.
"Helen, let me tell you something. You're sick because you think too much."
"Look at Emily. She's happy every day, and nothing's wrong with her."
"Now look at you, always acting like the whole world has wronged you."
"People think themselves into sickness. Don't blame anyone else for it."
Then he added, "If you ask me, you had it coming."
Had it coming.
My own father said I had it coming for getting sick.
My nails dug into my palms, the pain forcing me awake in the cruelest way.
So this was the truth.
In their hearts, I ranked below even a stranger.