Chapter 1 · I Was His Wife in Name Only

Two years into her marriage to Lucas Carter, Emily finally made up her mind to change her last name.

The clerk went through her file.

"Emily Carter. Twenty-three. Marital status, single."

"Hold on, I've been married for two years!" Emily pulled out her marriage license.

A few minutes later, the clerk handed everything back with a strange look. "Ms. Carter, I'd take this down to City Hall and ask. You can change your name without being married, of course. Do you still want to go ahead?"

Emily couldn't think straight. She got a cab to the City Hall.

What she found there took the floor out from under her.

"Ma'am, the spouse on Lucas Carter's marriage license is Anna Reed, not you."

Emily went white, and a sharp ringing started up in her deaf right ear. One thought ran through her before she went down.

Wasn't Anna supposed to be a stand-in?

Lucas had only found her to fill the gap while Emily was overseas for three years, so how had she ended up as Mrs. Carter?

*****

After waking up in the hospital, Emily hurried to confront Lucas for answers, but as she got close to the door, she overheard voices coming from outside.

"When are you taking that IUD out of Emily? It's already shifted. Keep putting it off and she'll end up with an infection that leaves her unable to have children at all."

An IUD.

Emily pressed a hand flat to her stomach and couldn't make the words mean anything.

She thought back to the stabbing pain a week before the wedding. Lucas had looked strange for a second, and then he'd shut her questions down with two words. Acute appendicitis.

When she came out of it, her stomach felt wrong, and he'd talked her down. "That's the surgery, Sweetheart. It won't get in the way of our wedding night."

She'd hidden her face in his chest, too embarrassed to notice the shadow in his eyes.

"No rush." Lucas' lazy voice cut through the memory. "We'll wait until Anna's tour wraps. Write Sweetheart something for the pain."

"I don't get it. You and Emily went up against the whole world and did three years apart, and now that you finally have her, you turn around and marry Anna? Be straight with me, Lucas. Do you have feelings for that girl?"

The air went silent for a few seconds.

Then Lucas answered, and whatever was left in her went out.

"I wouldn't have made it through those three years without Anna. She wants a marriage out of it, so she gets one. But there's only one person in my heart, and that's Sweetheart."

"How did the Carters raise a lovesick idiot? Have you thought about what happens when Emily finds out? That girl has a spine. She took on your entire family for you. If she ever learns the truth, she'll cut you off for good."

Lucas' fingers tightened around his cigarette, and his throat worked. "Then she never finds out."

The footsteps moved off down the hall. Emily clamped a hand over her mouth and lost it anyway.

Her father and Lucas' father had once been blood brothers, and both carried the Carter name.

The two of them had come up through hell together and covered half the countryside side-by-side.

Then her father died, pulling Lucas' father out of it.

To square it, the Carters took her in and gave her a room.

They'd grown up in the same house, and the gap between what she was and what he was had turned them into something that couldn't stand daylight.

Even so, Emily fell for Lucas, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

At eighteen, the two of them crossed the line for the first time.

For five years, they hooked fingers under the dinner table in front of the whole family and flirted in plain sight, and every night after that, they found a corner of a room.

It went on that way until the Carters lined up a marriage for him.

She would never forget the day Lucas took her hand in front of everyone, tore through the whole thing, and swore it out loud.

"Sweetheart is the only woman I'll ever marry."

It wrecked her. She begged his parents to forgive them, and she couldn't stand to watch him take the family's punishment, so she took it herself. Eighty-eight strokes.

One of them caught her right ear and split it open, and the blood went everywhere.

The ear went permanently deaf, and the scar it left was raised and ugly and ridged like something crawling.

Lucas hadn't cared and hadn't flinched. He held her and refused to eat until his voice gave out. "If I can't have you, I'd rather be dead."

That one sentence bought them the only opening they ever got.

They shipped her overseas for three years, and all 1,095 days of it ran on what she felt for him.

Then a car hit her on her first day home. Lucas got there with his arms around a sobbing, terrified woman, guiding her hand to slap his own face. "Don't be scared, Anna. This is on me. I was late. Hit me."

Emily thought her eyes were lying to her, and it came out of her in a whisper. "Lucas?"

His whole body went rigid at the sound of her voice.

He explained, and he apologized, and in front of Anna, he hit himself across the face again and again. It was the first time Emily had ever seen him frantic about anything.

"Sweetheart, all of it is my fault. I missed you so much I couldn't function, so I found somebody to stand in for you. She'll be out of your sight by tonight.

"She's a student I was putting through school. That's all. There's nothing else there.

"Sweetheart, if I ever lost you, I wouldn't survive."

Emily gave in. She told herself Anna was a stand-in and that Lucas had only loved her too hard.

Anna did disappear after that, the way he'd promised.

Emily treated the whole thing like a bad dream she'd woken up from. She married him, he gave her an enormous wedding, and she became Mrs. Carter in name and in fact.

And now she'd been told all of it was fake.

She cried until she couldn't get air. Worse than the heartbreak was the shape of it. Two people who'd once run at each other, ending up in one bed with two different lives.

She whispered, "Lucas, what was I to you?"

*****

Emily got home that evening, and Lucas came up behind her and held on as he'd nearly lost her, like he wanted her somewhere under his skin.

He asked, "You pass out, and you don't stay in the hospital? Do you know how scared I was? You didn't pick up and you didn't answer a text. Where were you?"

Realizing he sounded too harsh, Lucas buried his face in her neck, his voice softening.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let you go out alone. I should've stayed by your side every second so you'd never have to leave me."

He loved her. And there was another woman in there with her.

So a heart really could tear straight down the middle.

Emily said, "I had a facial. I wasn't looking at my phone."

Her voice had nothing in it. Lucas got her seated, an arm around her waist, and crouched beside her, eyes burning.

"Sweetheart, be good. You passed out because you've been dosing yourself with too much of that stuff. The doctor said your body can't take it. There's no rush on a baby."

For two years, she'd blamed herself for not getting pregnant. She wanted to give him a child so he'd know how much she loved him, so she tried every medicine and treatment, even with a sliver of a chance.

She lost her sense of taste. She stopped sleeping. She took all of it without a word, and he never knew.

It was only today that she finally realized. It wasn't her body that failed. Lucas had taken motherhood off the table himself.

If she hadn't gotten it into her head that a child would one day ask why she and Lucas shared a last name, she'd have spent the rest of her life being played.

Lucas said, "What's wrong?"

Her silence unsettled him, so he took her hand and laced their fingers together.

Emily got one corner of her mouth up. "Tomorrow's the day we go to Carter Manor."

It came back to him, and then something else did. He took out the earrings he'd brought and went to put them on her himself.

Then his eyes landed on that ridge of scar. He stopped, set them down without a word, and tightened his grip on her hand.

"Sweetheart, something came up tomorrow. Can you go on your own?"

The Carters had never wanted her there, so he'd always gone with her. He used to say, "Sweetheart, I'll always be the wall at your back." He'd just walked away from it.

"What came up?"

He hadn't expected her to push, and it showed. "A friend has a show. I promised weeks ago. I have to be there."

A show.

Lucas didn't dodge it. "It's Anna, but don't read anything into it, Sweetheart. She's a student I sponsor. Nothing else. If you don't want me there, I won't go. Your call."

And if she told him not to go, would he actually stay?

There was no point in playing the villain.

"Go." There was no strength left in her voice.

Lucas let out a breath, cupped her face, and kissed her. "You're always so understanding, Sweetheart. I wasn't thinking about the earrings today. I'll set up an appointment with a doctor soon. Medicine can do anything now. Fixing it will be simple."

Emily looked at the earrings, blue as a whole sky of stars, and asked, "Does it embarrass you?"

"Never." Lucas panicked and pulled her in tight. "Sweetheart, that scar is proof of how you loved me. I wouldn't trade it. Don't ever say that to me again."

"Okay."

Chapter 1

Two years into her marriage to Lucas Carter, Emily finally made up her mind to change her last name.

The clerk went through her file.

"Emily Carter. Twenty-three. Marital status, single."

"Hold on, I've been married for two years!" Emily pulled out her marriage license.

Emily couldn't think straight. She got a cab to the City Hall.

What she found there took the floor out from under her.

"Ma'am, the spouse on Lucas Carter's marriage license is Anna Reed, not you."

Emily went white, and a sharp ringing started up in her deaf right ear. One thought ran through her before she went down.

Wasn't Anna supposed to be a stand-in?

Lucas had only found her to fill the gap while Emily was overseas for three years, so how had she ended up as Mrs. Carter?

*****

After waking up in the hospital, Emily hurried to confront Lucas for answers, but as she got close to the door, she overheard voices coming from outside.

"When are you taking that IUD out of Emily? It's already shifted. Keep putting it off and she'll end up with an infection that leaves her unable to have children at all."

An IUD.

Emily pressed a hand flat to her stomach and couldn't make the words mean anything.

She thought back to the stabbing pain a week before the wedding. Lucas had looked strange for a second, and then he'd shut her questions down with two words. Acute appendicitis.

When she came out of it, her stomach felt wrong, and he'd talked her down. "That's the surgery, Sweetheart. It won't get in the way of our wedding night."

She'd hidden her face in his chest, too embarrassed to notice the shadow in his eyes.

"No rush." Lucas' lazy voice cut through the memory. "We'll wait until Anna's tour wraps. Write Sweetheart something for the pain."

The air went silent for a few seconds.

Then Lucas answered, and whatever was left in her went out.

"I wouldn't have made it through those three years without Anna. She wants a marriage out of it, so she gets one. But there's only one person in my heart, and that's Sweetheart."

Lucas' fingers tightened around his cigarette, and his throat worked. "Then she never finds out."

The footsteps moved off down the hall. Emily clamped a hand over her mouth and lost it anyway.

Her father and Lucas' father had once been blood brothers, and both carried the Carter name.

The two of them had come up through hell together and covered half the countryside side-by-side.

Then her father died, pulling Lucas' father out of it.

To square it, the Carters took her in and gave her a room.

They'd grown up in the same house, and the gap between what she was and what he was had turned them into something that couldn't stand daylight.

Even so, Emily fell for Lucas, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

At eighteen, the two of them crossed the line for the first time.

For five years, they hooked fingers under the dinner table in front of the whole family and flirted in plain sight, and every night after that, they found a corner of a room.

It went on that way until the Carters lined up a marriage for him.

She would never forget the day Lucas took her hand in front of everyone, tore through the whole thing, and swore it out loud.

"Sweetheart is the only woman I'll ever marry."

It wrecked her. She begged his parents to forgive them, and she couldn't stand to watch him take the family's punishment, so she took it herself. Eighty-eight strokes.

One of them caught her right ear and split it open, and the blood went everywhere.

The ear went permanently deaf, and the scar it left was raised and ugly and ridged like something crawling.

Lucas hadn't cared and hadn't flinched. He held her and refused to eat until his voice gave out. "If I can't have you, I'd rather be dead."

That one sentence bought them the only opening they ever got.

They shipped her overseas for three years, and all 1,095 days of it ran on what she felt for him.

Emily thought her eyes were lying to her, and it came out of her in a whisper. "Lucas?"

His whole body went rigid at the sound of her voice.

He explained, and he apologized, and in front of Anna, he hit himself across the face again and again. It was the first time Emily had ever seen him frantic about anything.

"Sweetheart, all of it is my fault. I missed you so much I couldn't function, so I found somebody to stand in for you. She'll be out of your sight by tonight.

"She's a student I was putting through school. That's all. There's nothing else there.

"Sweetheart, if I ever lost you, I wouldn't survive."

Emily gave in. She told herself Anna was a stand-in and that Lucas had only loved her too hard.

Anna did disappear after that, the way he'd promised.

Emily treated the whole thing like a bad dream she'd woken up from. She married him, he gave her an enormous wedding, and she became Mrs. Carter in name and in fact.

And now she'd been told all of it was fake.

She cried until she couldn't get air. Worse than the heartbreak was the shape of it. Two people who'd once run at each other, ending up in one bed with two different lives.

She whispered, "Lucas, what was I to you?"

*****

Emily got home that evening, and Lucas came up behind her and held on as he'd nearly lost her, like he wanted her somewhere under his skin.

He asked, "You pass out, and you don't stay in the hospital? Do you know how scared I was? You didn't pick up and you didn't answer a text. Where were you?"

Realizing he sounded too harsh, Lucas buried his face in her neck, his voice softening.

"Sweetheart, I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let you go out alone. I should've stayed by your side every second so you'd never have to leave me."

He loved her. And there was another woman in there with her.

So a heart really could tear straight down the middle.

Emily said, "I had a facial. I wasn't looking at my phone."

Her voice had nothing in it. Lucas got her seated, an arm around her waist, and crouched beside her, eyes burning.

"Sweetheart, be good. You passed out because you've been dosing yourself with too much of that stuff. The doctor said your body can't take it. There's no rush on a baby."

She lost her sense of taste. She stopped sleeping. She took all of it without a word, and he never knew.

It was only today that she finally realized. It wasn't her body that failed. Lucas had taken motherhood off the table himself.

If she hadn't gotten it into her head that a child would one day ask why she and Lucas shared a last name, she'd have spent the rest of her life being played.

Lucas said, "What's wrong?"

Her silence unsettled him, so he took her hand and laced their fingers together.

Emily got one corner of her mouth up. "Tomorrow's the day we go to Carter Manor."

It came back to him, and then something else did. He took out the earrings he'd brought and went to put them on her himself.

Then his eyes landed on that ridge of scar. He stopped, set them down without a word, and tightened his grip on her hand.

"Sweetheart, something came up tomorrow. Can you go on your own?"

The Carters had never wanted her there, so he'd always gone with her. He used to say, "Sweetheart, I'll always be the wall at your back." He'd just walked away from it.

"What came up?"

He hadn't expected her to push, and it showed. "A friend has a show. I promised weeks ago. I have to be there."

A show.

Lucas didn't dodge it. "It's Anna, but don't read anything into it, Sweetheart. She's a student I sponsor. Nothing else. If you don't want me there, I won't go. Your call."

And if she told him not to go, would he actually stay?

There was no point in playing the villain.

"Go." There was no strength left in her voice.

Emily looked at the earrings, blue as a whole sky of stars, and asked, "Does it embarrass you?"

"Never." Lucas panicked and pulled her in tight. "Sweetheart, that scar is proof of how you loved me. I wouldn't trade it. Don't ever say that to me again."

"Okay."