Chapter 4
I moved into a temporary apartment near the office. The place was tiny, and my window faced the overpass, at night, the traffic kept roaring nonstop.
On the third day after the breakup, people started sending me screenshots from our friend group chat.
Brian was telling everyone I was way too controlling, that I pressured Emily so much she was afraid to even have dinner with her friends, and that I totally lost it at her birthday party, making a scene and completely ruining her birthday.
He even threw in another line.
Brian's message read: [I really regret making that joke that night. I never thought someone could be so thin-skinned.]
Someone else jumped in.
One message read: [Alex always seemed so quiet, never thought he'd be this intense.]
Another message read: [It's honestly gross when couples get all up in each other's business.]
After reading it, I set my phone face down on the table.
Half a minute later, I picked it up again and messaged the group admin.
I wrote: [Add me back to the group.]
The admin was Ryan Ford, one of Emily's college friends. He probably couldn't stand it anymore, so he added me back right away.
The group chat went dead silent.
Brian sent an emoji.
Brian wrote: [Alex joined. Great, now we can clear things up.]
I typed: [You said I'm controlling. Be specific. What did I do, exactly?]
No one said a word.
Brian replied after half a minute.
Brian's reply read: [You wouldn't let Emily help her friend.]
I asked: [Which friend?]
Brian replied: [Me.]
I asked: [What time?]
Brian: [At night.]
I asked: [What time exactly?]
He didn't reply.
I kept typing: [Was it 1 AM or 3 AM?]
Someone in the group sent a dot, then quickly deleted it.
Brian wrote: [You're splitting hairs. What's the point?]
I replied: [You're accusing me, so I'm asking for details. How's that pointless?]
He sent a voice message, and I hit play.
He said: [We're all adults here. What's wrong with helping out a drunk friend? If you insist on making it sound dirty, that says more about your own dirty mind.]
I replied with a voice message, keeping my tone flat.
In my voice message, I said: [Let me ask you the same thing. If I called your girlfriend at 3 AM and said I was drunk.]
[Would you thank her for being loyal if I asked her to come over and take care of me until 7 in the morning, or would you call me shameless?]
The group chat went totally quiet.
After ten seconds, someone finally broke the silence.
Someone wrote: [That's definitely not okay.]
Brian shot back: [Emily and I aren't like that.]
I asked: [Like what?]
He didn't reply.
I kept going: [If you're not her boyfriend, why do you act like you deserve special treatment? If you're not that close, why do you make a big deal about her only letting you carry her when she's drunk?
And if you're not overstepping, why do you call me controlling because I asked one question?]
Ryan finally spoke up.
Ryan wrote: [Brian, you really crossed the line that night.]
Brian sent a wry smile emoji.
Brian wrote: [Fine, it's all my fault. I'll stay out of your lives, okay?]
I asked: [Who exactly are you walking away from?]
He didn't reply.
Emily suddenly popped into the group chat.
Emily wrote: [Alex, do you really have to bring this drama into the group?]
I stared at her profile picture, it was a shot I took of her from behind, the sea breeze lifting the hem of her dress. She always said it was her favorite, and she never changed it.
I typed: [When he called me controlling in the group, you didn't say he was stirring things up.]
Emily replied: [He wasn't trying to cause trouble. He felt hurt.]
I asked: [You left me at the theater, stood by while he humiliated me in front of everyone, and then made me apologize. Doesn't that make me feel hurt too?]
Her typing indicator kept popping up, then disappearing, then popping up again.
Finally, she sent: [Let's talk in private.]
I replied: [No. If he's going to say it in public, I'm going to ask in public.]
Brian sent a message.
Brian wrote: [Alex, you win. You've pushed me to the point where I've got no friends left. Happy now?]
I asked: [Did you lose your friends because I asked, or because what you did couldn't handle being questioned?]
No one else said a word in the group.
That night at ten, Emily called me.
I picked up.
Emily tried to speak, but her voice was shaky. "Why are you doing this?"
I stared out the window at the headlights streaming past on the overpass.
"I'm taking your words at face value and asking about them," I said.
She went quiet for a long time.
"You never used to be this pushy," Emily said.
"I used to think loving you meant putting up with everything that made me uncomfortable," I said.
Emily broke down in tears. "What about now?"
I shut the window, blocking out the noise from the cars outside.
"Now I'm not holding it in anymore," I said.