Chapter 4

Then, Earl pulled out a square box from his pocket.

I instinctively took two steps back.

The next second, he opened the box.

He awkwardly tried to get down on one knee.

I grabbed his arm with my left hand to stop him.

I shook my head.

I said, "Don't.

"You don't want to get married. I won't force you to."

Earl got up, looking totally lost.

He asked, "Why?

"Just three months ago, you were asking me when we'd get married."

I met his gaze and said seriously, "But we're still not married."

Earl was on the verge of losing it. "I was about to propose to you just now."

I shook my head. "That's not what I mean."

He asked, "So what do you want? Should I cover the floor with candles, pile up your favorite flowers everywhere, and have a bunch of people crowd around us for it to be a real proposal?

"But Britney, we're the ones living this life!"

I quickly interrupted him.

I said, "No, Earl. What I mean is, I'm sick of always being the one chasing after you.

"Is this what you call a proposal? Well, I'm saying no.

"I have every right to say no."

Earl's expression was not exactly pleasant. He looked like he wanted to say something, but just stood there, silent for a long moment.

Then he finally asked, "Didn't you say that once we got married, you could take marriage leave?

"We could go on a trip together. Where do you want to go?

"You always have to pay extra taxes every year, but if we get married, we can file jointly. We'd get more tax breaks on our mortgage, retirement, and even if we have kids. You said that last year. Did you forget?

"Have you ever thought about what you'd do if you don't marry me and these things come up again?"

My eyes were rimmed with tears as I quickly answered every one of his questions.

I said, "I quit my job. Now I can be on vacation for as long as I want.

"I can travel wherever I want, without having to wait for your days off.

"If those things happen again, I never really thought about it.

"But every moment you're not there, I can handle it on my own.

"I managed it on my own yesterday.

"I made it through that moment.

"So, I don't want to get married. There's nothing wrong with that."

Earl was shaking, unable to speak.

*****

The ring box in Earl's hand was still open. The diamond was glinting coldly in the dim light.

"Earl, put the ring away," I said.

His face kept getting darker, every feeling showing on the face I used to love.

He must be figuring it out now.

He snapped the ring box shut, letting out a confused, low growl that echoed through the empty, unfinished apartment.

Earl asked, "Britney, what do you want from me?

"I proposed. I got the house ready. I've given you everything you ever said you wanted. How much longer are you going to keep fighting me?"

I looked at him. Suddenly, he felt like someone I barely knew.

He'd never get that what I wanted was never just a diamond ring bought in a rush to patch things up.

It wasn't some new house that always felt out of reach, and definitely not the so-called "stability" he offered like it was some kind of favor.

What I wanted was for him to ask if I was okay when that old couple faked an accident and pushed me to the ground.

I wanted him to sit with me and help me crunch the numbers when I was losing my mind over the tax app.

I wanted him to be the first to rush to my side when my arm was burned in the fire.

But he never did any of that for me.

I said, each word clear and steady, "I'm not fighting you.

"I just don't love you anymore."

Those words were like a blunt knife, ruthlessly tearing apart Earl's last bit of composure.

He stepped back, slumped against the cold concrete wall.

He asked, "You're just mad at me, aren't you? Because of Madison, because of work, because I've been ignoring you. Isn't that it?"

He was grasping at straws, stubbornly holding onto his last hope.

He said, "I'll change, Britney. I swear I will. I'll spend more time with you. I'll stop seeing Madison. Please don't break up with me."

I laughed, tears threatening to fall.

After six years, he had never changed.

After college, I stayed in this city for him. After working at a neighborhood office for a measly paycheck, I helped him pay the mortgage.

Every time he hung up on me, claiming he was in surgery or just busy with work, it showed that he never changed.

Now he was begging me to stay, but it was only because he was suddenly losing someone who always bent over backwards for him. He didn't know what to do with it.

"Earl, it's pointless," I said.

I turned around and walked off without a second thought.

I heard his quick footsteps behind me. He stopped at the stairwell and didn't follow me anymore.