Chapter 1
Kirill doesn't miss Hartley.
He's spent the past hour looking up his name on social media purely for research purposes.
They're playing Clearwater in a few days and he's too lazy to get out of bed to grab his iPad and review tape.
That's all.
So he scrolls through photo after photo of Hartley.
A few recent ad campaigns, a handful of stills and clips from his game tonight and the press after.
He stares at a picture of Jesse giving said press, his face sweaty and flushed.
He zooms in on Jesse's lips.
For research purposes.
He scrolls to the next one when the caption catches his eye.
He's been largely ignoring the captions.
It's mostly women who are desperate to fuck Hartley, which is funny and definitely doesn't make anything weird turn over in his stomach.
But this one's different:
I love my little autistic man a completely normal and healthy amount actually
Kirill frowns.
Autistic.
He's heard the word before, but he doesn't understand what it has to do with Hartley.
He's not autistic.
Is he?
No, Kirill would know.
Surely it would be news.
The league is always pedaling him out as the first Yumeran bla bla bla.
As if his accomplishments can't stand on their own.
As if his stats don't put every white player in the league to shame—Kirill excluded of course.
He opens the comments.
Maybe it's a meme or something?
Seems like a weird meme.
How tf can a two time Cup winner have autism?
Wtf kinda blue haired nonsense is this?
Are you shitting me
No. Have you seen the way that man stands?
Lmao literally!
And he's never made eye contact once in his life.
If you search autism in the DSM-5 there's a picture of Jesse Hartley stimming with his water bottle
Ugh.
So many words he has to Google.
This is more work than reviewing tape.
He looks up DSM-5, which seems like a very boring book, so he moves on quickly to stimming.
The definition makes him pause.
Kirill thinks of Hartley's hands swiping through his curls.
Of his pretty lips wrapped around Kirill's fingers.
He reads the next reply:
Lowkey I feel like taking this would change his life
He clicks the link.
It's aptly titled 'autistic test'.
He briefly considers texting Hartley just to see what he would say—but he doubts it would be anything good.
Kirill's not an expert on autism by any means, but he knows how it's perceived.
Last year, Donovan's nephew got diagnosed with autism.
He kept lamenting how the 'poor kid' couldn't feel empathy or really anything at all.
Everyone clapped him on the back, offering condolences like the boy had been diagnosed with a terminal illness.
It doesn't feel like an accurate way to describe Hartley, but these comments don't seem to mean it as an insult.
They're coming from accounts with display names like "Hartley and Cole's third" (laughable) and "Jesse Hartley hole enthusiast" (relatable).
It makes him curious.
Enough that he decides to take the test himself but posing as Hartley, like the world's most boring roleplay.
I am good at spotting patterns that other people miss,
the first question reads.
Agree or disagree.
Well, yes, of course.
That basically sums up Hartley's career.
I prefer to do things the same way every time
His fingers hesitate.
He thinks about all the different ways he's fucked Jesse.
In the shower, on a bed, against a wall.
He always seems to get a thrill out of the variety, like finding new ways to come is another challenge worth rising to.
But outside of bed?
Hartley only drinks one specific brand of ginger ale.
Once at an Premier Classic game, Kirill saw him wrinkle his nose and turn down a can of Barton's.
He folds his clothes shirt first, then pants, every time.
Well, most of the time—when he's not immediately distracted.
Kirill's never thought about it before but there's a rhythm to Hartley.
A comfortable predictability.
Agree
, he clicks.
He keeps taking the quiz, with more agrees than disagrees.
Most of the answers are straightforward.
Yes, Hartley fidgets when he's nervous.
Yes, he's uncomfortable at large gatherings.
But Kirill hesitates when he gets to
I could talk about my interests for hours and hours
The answer must be
agree
, but he doesn't know firsthand.
He's never had the luxury of hours and hours with Hartley.
It sounds like a dream, getting to sit there and listen to him talk about hockey until his voice gets hoarse.
Kirill swallows and forges ahead, until he reaches the end.
89/100, the results read.
Many signs of autism.
Huh.
According to the internet (a very reliable source, as everyone knows), Jesse Hartley has autism.
He goes back to Google in search of a different definition because it's just not adding up to him.
He thinks back to what Donovan said about his nephew being incapable of feeling.
He thinks of Jesse's beautiful brown eyes, welling up with tears in a bathroom in Silverstone.
And a rink in Belinsk.
And in a few very proud moments, in Kirill's bed.
Hartley is so different from the way that Donovan talks about his nephew.
He's different from the way people online talk about him too, even the ones who have pieced together that he's autistic.
He finds another thread discussing the idea, because apparently this is a niche but widespread theory.