Chapter 2

"Ellie."

At the top of the stairs, Mom reached out to help me.

The second her fingertips brushed my arm, I violently recoiled, my back slamming into the wall.

"Sorry!"

Her hand hovered in mid-air.

My breathing turned shallow and rapid. "Sorry. I didn't mean to dodge, I just—"

"It's okay." She pulled her hand back, eyes shining. "I won't touch you. You can walk on your own."

My room was on the fourth floor.

When I pushed the door open, the first thing I saw was a massive photo wall.

A girl laughing while riding on Harry's shoulders. Smiling in Dad's arms. Grinning in a white dress by a Christmas tree. Holding up an equestrian medal, beaming.

I reached out and touched one of the frames.

"She looks so happy."

I turned around. Mom was standing in the doorway.

I pointed at the photos. "Doesn't even look like me."

Her lips trembled. "Ellie... is it really all gone?"

I shook my head. "I don't remember anything."

"If she was that happy... it's a shame I forgot."

All the color drained from Mom's face. She turned and walked away, her pace so fast she almost looked like she was fleeing.

At 5:00 AM sharp, my eyes snapped open. My body bolted upright before my brain even processed being awake.

Only one thought echoed in my skull: Time's up. If you don't get out of bed, you go to solitary.

I rushed downstairs. Frying eggs, toasting bread, brewing coffee, slicing fruit. I plated everything meticulously. My hands were shaking violently, but I didn't dare stop.

At 8:00 AM, Dad was the first one down. He paused when he saw the dining table. "You made this?"

I immediately stood at attention, my posture rigid. "I didn't know what you liked. I made a bit of everything. If it's wrong, I can remake it."

He stared at me for two solid seconds. He didn't say a word, just pulled out a chair and sat down.

Lila came down last. She gave me a quick hug. "Morning, Sis."

Under the table, the pointed toe of her shoe slowly and deliberately ground into the top of my foot.

I stiffened, but she just smiled and handed me an energy bar.

"Peanut butter. Your favorite."

I had barely taken it when Mom abruptly stood up, snatching the bar right out of my hand.

"Don't eat that!"

She glared at Lila, her voice tight and rising in panic. "She's deathly allergic. Anaphylactic shock at nine. Six hours in the ER, two EpiPens. Lila, how could you give her this?"

Lila's smile froze for a fraction of a second before her eyes welled up with tears. "I forgot... I'm sorry, I just wanted to be nice to her."

Dad frowned. "That's enough."

Harry didn't say anything. He just stared at Lila. After a long moment, he set his fork down.

"I told you she was allergic the first year you moved in."

Lila buried her face lower.

I didn't speak. I just quietly pushed the energy bar further away.

After breakfast, I was washing dishes. Harry followed me into the kitchen, leaning against the counter, watching me.

"You really don't remember anything?"

I nodded, letting the water run.

He fell silent for a moment. "You used to hate Lila."

My hands paused. "How much?"

"Knives." His Adam's apple bobbed. "Balconies. Stairs."

Finally, he looked away. "We didn't have a choice. You were fifteen. We sent you to a behavioral modification program in Utah."

The sound of the running water suddenly felt deafening.

I slowly turned my head. "How long?"

"Three years."

The plate slipped from my wet fingers, crashing into the stainless steel sink.

The iron door flashed before my eyes again: Someone kicking me from behind. My forehead smashing into the doorframe. Blood dripping into my eyes.

I gripped the edge of the counter, knuckles white.

"Eleanor?" He took a step toward me.

I immediately ducked my head. "I'm fine."

My fingernails dug into the marble.

"...I understand."