Chapter 2

I sat on the bed, staring blankly for a full ten minutes. My phone screen dimmed and lit up again.

The sound of basketball outside faded, replaced by the rowdy voices of a bunch of guys. Someone shouted from downstairs, "Delivery's here. Whose Smothered Chicken"

Everything was so real, so alive.

I slowly raised my hand and placed it on my abdomen. It was smooth, intact, without a single wound.

Tears came out of nowhere.

I didn't sob or wail. I let the tears fall, one after another, soaking into the comforter. I cried for so long that my nose was completely blocked, and my eyes were so swollen they were slits.

Then I wiped away my tears and took a deep breath.

I, Emily, had a new lease on life.

I was back at eighteen, back to the time when everything was still ahead of me.

I hadn't met Jason. U hadn't cut ties with my family. I hadn't had to abort those two children. I hadn't bled myself dry in that cold, lonely mansion.

Everything could be redone.

I tossed aside the covers and got out of bed, heading over to the little mirror by the wall.

The girl in the mirror was a little gaunt, her hair pulled into a ponytail, a few pimples dotting her face. Her eyes looked dull and timid.

This was me at eighteen.

Fresh from a small town, I'd never seen much of the world, didn't know how to dress, and spoke with a strange accent.

I had zero friends in college, so when Sophie came up and talked to me, I held onto her like she was my only hope, desperate to give her everything.

I stared at myself in the mirror and said, "Emily, remember this. No one this time is worth putting your life on the line for love. Least of all Jason. And not Sophie."

My voice was rough and hoarse from crying, but every word was steady and clear.

I changed into a white T-shirt and jeans, slipping on a pair of canvas shoes. These were from the street market, too, and cost 12 bucks, with stiff soles that squeaked every time I walked.

These were all I got right at that moment.

It was okay. I could take one step at a time.

I grabbed my phone and keys and headed out the door.

The September sun was blazing, warming my skin. The flowers on campus were in full bloom, filling the air with a sweet, almost overwhelming scent. Students rode their bikes past me, their bells jingling.

As I took it all in, it felt like I was living in a world from a lifetime ago.

It was not a feeling. This really was a whole lifetime apart.

I walked down the tree-lined path, passing the cafeteria, the library, and that iconic clock tower. Nothing had changed. It was exactly as I remembered.

When I got to the building, I saw someone.

A guy was standing in front of the bulletin board, checking out the club recruitment posters.

He was tall, probably around 6'2", wearing a black jacket, dark blue jeans, and white sneakers. His shoulders were broad, his back straight. He stood there tall and steady, like a pillar.

He only showed me his profile, but I recognized him instantly. It was Jason.

My heart was seized, as if someone had grabbed it and wrung it tight. The pain was real, radiating from my chest all the way to my fingertips, and my hands started to tremble.

All the memories from my previous life crashed over me: the glass of red wine, the knife, the blood, and his words: "The carpet's brand new."

I took a deep breath, clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms, using the pain to anchor myself in reality.

I told myself not to be afraid. He didn't know me yet. Nothing had begun.

I lowered my head and sped up as I walked past him. The wind blew some stray hairs across my face, and I caught a faint whiff of tobacco mixed with laundry detergent.

It was the scent I used to crave in my previous life.

This time, though, it turned my stomach.

After I'd walked a dozen steps or so, a voice called out from behind me, "Hey, Miss."

I froze.

It was Jason's voice, deep, with that lazy, careless drawl. In my previous life, every time I heard it, my heart would start pounding. But this time, I didn't turn around.

"Hey," he called out again, footsteps approaching. "You dropped something."

I glanced down and saw a card on the ground. It must be my student ID, probably slipped out when I grabbed my phone.

I bent down to pick it up, not looking back as I said, "Thanks." Then I kept walking.

I could feel Jason's gaze on my back, surprised and a little curious. He probably wasn't used to anyone being so indifferent to him.

After all, rarely did any girl not steal a glance at his handsome face. But I was no longer that naive eighteen-year-old Emily. I was someone who'd already died once and come back.

Once I turned the corner and was sure he couldn't see me anymore, I stopped and leaned against the wall, gasping for air.

My hands were still shaking, not from excitement, but from fear.

That fear went all the way down to my bones after ten years in my previous life.

Every time he gave me the cold shoulder, every time he got impatient, every time he left me alone in that empty mansion, those memories were etched into my soul like tattoos.

It took me several minutes to finally calm down. Then I made a decision. For the rest of my lifetime, I would keep as much distance as possible between myself and Jason.

I wouldn't go after him, wouldn't chase him, and wouldn't have anything to do with him. I would let him be with whoever he wanted, even if it was Sophie. I didn't care. I hope he does end up with her.

One was cold and heartless, and the other was phony and mean. They totally deserve each other.

All I wanted was to live my own life in peace.

I'll study hard, graduate, find a job, save up, and move my parents to the city. They worked themselves to the bone so that I could go to college.

My dad had a bad back, and my mom's eyesight wasn't what it used to be. I needed to take care of them when they were still with me.

That was what really mattered.

And love? I'd had more than enough of it in my previous life. I loved so hard that I ended up throwing my whole life away for it.

This time, I didn't need love anymore.