Chapter 7

I walked downstairs, and a biting wind gusted in my face.

I felt a chill that went right through me, not only physically, but also deep in my soul.

I opened my suitcase, grabbed a heavy coat, and threw it over my shoulders.

Then I wandered through the quiet streets of the town.

I didn't know where to go.

The train station? A hotel? Or maybe... stay with a friend?

My phone buzzed.

It was a WhatsApp message.

I checked my phone and saw it was from my mom.

She'd sent a few voice messages, her voice shaky, mixed with crying and heavy breathing. [Jess, please come home. Please, come back.]

Mom: [It's all our fault, okay? Don't stay angry with us.]

Mom: [Please, come back. It's already dark outside. Where are you going?]

I watched as the notifications kept lighting up my screen, my heart feeling numb.

I didn't reply to her or check WhatsApp again.

I kept moving forward, step by step, through this once familiar town that now felt so foreign.

The shops along the street were decked out in festive lights, playing cheerful holiday music.

Couples strolled hand in hand, their faces beaming with joy.

A family of three gathered around a street vendor, happily picking out lollipops.

Everything seemed so warm and full of happiness.

But me? I was like a ghost, drifting through the freezing streets.

My tears were all gone.

It was as if my heart had stopped beating altogether.

All I felt was a kind of emptiness I'd never known before, a despair so deep that it felt like the world had abandoned me.

I used to think that no matter what I went through out there, home would always be my safe harbor.

But now I realized that the harbor wasn't mine anymore. It had stopped belonging to me a long time ago.

I looked down at my suitcase.

Inside were my clothes, the stuff I needed every day, and a handful of keepsakes I'd gathered over the years.

That was all I had to my name and my last shred of dignity.

I stopped and looked up at the pitch-black sky.

There were no stars, no moon, just an endless darkness, like my future.

I had no clue where I was going.

And I had no idea what kind of lies or tricks life had in store for me.

I marched forward on autopilot, every step weighed down, like my feet were made of lead.

The streetlights stretched my shadow out long, and then snapped it back as I turned, like my shattered life, sometimes overwhelming, sometimes shrinking away to nothing.

I had no clue how long I'd been wandering, long enough that the stabbing pain in my feet finally forced me to stop.

Up ahead was a 24-hour convenience store, its bright lights shining like a beacon on a deserted island, drawing in a lost soul like me.

I pushed open the glass door, and a wave of warmth washed over me. I felt my body loosen up a bit.

The shelves were overflowing with every imaginable item, but at that moment, none of it mattered to me.

I walked over to the cooler, grabbed a bottle of cold water, and took it to the counter to pay.

The cashier was a young girl. She noticed my swollen, tear-stained eyes, paused for a moment, but kept quiet.

I paid and sat down at the only small table in the store.

I twisted off the cap of the cold water and took a big gulp.

The icy liquid slid down my throat, like it was trying to put out the fire burning inside me, but it grew stronger.

I took out my phone and checked Maps for hotels nearby.

The town was pretty small, so hotel options were limited.

I went with the closest one. It was cheap, too.

Then I dragged my suitcase out of the convenience store.

The night was pitch-black, and the wind cut right through me, yet somehow, my heart felt weirdly calm.

Maybe it was because I had nothing left to lose.