Chapter 5

The journey back to Cirewen was long and dull.

The carriage rolled along smoothly.

It was a far cry from the bumpy cart I'd ridden in on my way out.

But my heart felt colder than it had back then.

Julian tried to strike up a conversation with me. "Have you been alright these past three years?"

I opened my eyes and stared at him in silence.

Then I lifted my hand and slowly unfastened the buttons at my collar.

I showed him the ugly scarred brand below my collarbone.

It was a brand burned into my skin, spelling out "Worthless."

Gareth had pressed the iron there himself in a drunken rage, saying it would remind me of my place forever.

Julian's breath froze for a moment.

His pupils contracted suddenly.

He reached out as if to touch the scar, but his fingertips trembled in midair and could not complete the motion.

"He..." He couldn't finish the sentence.

His voice was so hoarse.

I buttoned up my collar again, covering up that ugly mark.

My face remained utterly impassive. "Do you think I've had a good life, Julian?"

He was struck speechless.

For the first time, it was painfully clear to him how irreversible the consequences of his decision three years ago really were.

I watched his anguish and felt no pity.

This was only the beginning.

I had much more to show him.

Julian sat there in silence for what felt like ages.

When he finally spoke, his voice was low, weighted with suppressed anguish. "I'm sorry. It was my fault."

I let out a soft laugh. The sound was harsh and jarring in the quiet carriage.

I said, "You weren't wrong. I was.

"Wrong to love you. Wrong to believe you were my salvation."

Julian slumped heavily against the carriage wall.

It was as if my words had sucked all the strength right out of him.

He closed his eyes, his brow tightly furrowed.

That handsome face of his was now etched with exhaustion and defeat

In the past, this sight would have made my heart ache.

But now, all I felt was pure satisfaction.

For the rest of the journey, Julian didn't try to talk to me again.

The air in the carriage was so heavy that it felt suffocating.

Lily huddled in the corner, not daring to make a sound.

But I felt perfectly at ease.

I sat by the window, sometimes pulling back the curtain a bit to sneak a look at the world outside.

The barren wastelands slowly turned into stretches of vibrant green.

The closer we got to Cirewen, the more familiar everything looked.

And with every mile, the hatred in my heart only surged stronger.

I had once believed I would die in Birtande, in a winter so brutal it turned water to ice before the drops could reach the ground.

Yet I survived.

What kept me breathing was not the desire to live. It was hatred for Julian.

I was going back.

I wanted Julian to see for himself how the delicate flower he once treasured would be ripped apart, piece by piece, by my own hands.

I wanted him to feel the sting of betrayal, to know what it was like to be utterly alone and left with nothing.

I would make him understand that he had destroyed far more than Mia. He had destroyed the whole of his own life.

When the carriage pulled up at the post station, I heard the guards outside murmuring to each other.

They said Julian had come to Birtande under royal orders to investigate Gareth for embezzling military funds.

Now, with evidence and witnesses secured, Gareth had been stripped of rank on the spot and would be escorted back to Cirewen for execution within days.

My hand paused for a moment as I held my cup.

So, Julian hadn't come all this way for me.

I was merely a trophy he collected along the way.

That ridiculous wavering in my heart disappeared instantly.

I fixed my gaze on Julian, who sat across from me.

He seemed to have caught the conversation outside as well. His expression turned awkward and uncomfortable.

He wanted to explain, "Mia, I..."

I raised my hand, stopping him mid-sentence. "You are serving the realm. The people will benefit."

My tone was utterly emotionless. "It has nothing to do with me."

Julian opened his mouth, but ended up saying nothing.

Only those deep eyes held a heavy, unreadable darkness.

The carriage set off again.

The wheels rumbled over the bluestone-paved official road.

The gates of Cirewen loomed ahead, closer with every passing mile.

Three years ago, I was driven out of here in disgrace.

Now I was returning in style, as family to the royal envoy.

The irony was almost laughable.

Julian studied my profile and said quietly, "Mia, once we're back at the manor, everything will be set right. I will make it up to you."

I did not turn to face him.

I simply watched the towering walls draw nearer.

Make it up to me? With what?

He could never repay the thousand scars carved into my body.

He could never bring back my unborn child, lost before drawing a single breath.

He could never compensate for three years of living like I was less than human.

The debt was beyond his means.