Chapter 2
If this had happened before, I would've already caved and messaged him first.
But this time, I wanted to see if Jacob would actually try to comfort me for once.
The outcome left me disappointed. It was obvious he wasn't going to.
Tears streamed down my face.
Right then, my phone lit up with a bank alert. I looked and saw 2,400 dollars had just landed in my account.
For the first time ever, I didn't want to hand the money over to him. The feeling kept growing, threatening to drown me.
Even just four hundred dollars could cover my expenses for a whole month.
I wouldn't have to survive on plain bread every day, or pinch every penny just to make ends meet.
I could finally grab a smoothie or a little cake after work and actually treat myself. I could even join the department dinners without worrying about the cost.
But I knew if I refused him, I would face a storm, a tidal wave of his emotions.
After taking a moment to steady myself, my fingers hovered over the screen as I started typing.
[You always cut my food allowance, and I'm always left hungry. I just want to grab a drink or some snacks, go out shopping for pretty clothes and makeup like everyone else, I...]
But in the end, I deleted all those emotional words.
I typed: [I don't want to live my life begging you for money anymore. This is my own paycheck. From now on, my salary stays with me. I'll transfer your living expenses as usual.]
Once I hit send, I sent Jacob 600 dollars right after.
His usual allowance was 500 dollars, but since we'd just argued, I threw in an extra 100 dollars, hoping he'd chill out.
But instead of a real reply, Jacob just hit me with a question mark. And then, nothing. He was probably in class right now.
Jacob and I were high school classmates.
At first, our story was dreamy, even inspiring.
He was the school heartthrob and top student, but his family was poor.
His dad died young, his mom was seriously ill, and his little sister was still in school.
I was just a girl abandoned by my parents, growing up alone with my grandpa.
We were both dirt poor, both had rough backgrounds, and both were straight-A students.
One class discussion gave us the chance to actually talk to each other.
After that, we were constantly swapping homework problems, meeting up on weekends to study together. We became real study buddies.
Eventually, we stopped just sticking to homework talk.
Sometimes we'd grab a bite together. Sometimes we'd chat about random stuff, not just school.
As we got to know each other, we were both struck by the realization. There was someone whose life story mirrored mine so closely.
Something warm and unfamiliar started to fill my heart. I realized I wasn't alone in this fight anymore.
From then on, Jacob was there with me every step of the way.
We were practically joined at the hip after that.
During the day, we buried ourselves in homework. At night, we'd encourage each other and pour out our troubles. We found comfort in each other.
Jacob was strikingly handsome and always at the top of his class.
Everyone at school called him the campus heartthrob, the golden boy of our high school.
Word about him got out. Even people outside our school knew his name.
But while everyone else only saw his good looks, I was the one who truly knew about his struggles, his vulnerabilities, and all the broken pieces he tried to hide.
Even though my own life was a mess too, just looking at him from the side, I felt an urge to save him.
I just wanted Jacob to be happy, even if I had to sacrifice my own happiness. So I began giving him even more.
During the summer break of our junior year in high school, I picked up a part-time job and spent my hard-earned cash on study guides and a pair of brand new sneakers for Jacob.
I even took him out for an all-you-can-eat buffet.
Jacob's eyes welled up with tears.
That night, under the dim streetlights, Jacob grabbed my hand, tears streaming down his face.
He said, "Thank you, Olivia. No one's ever treated me this well before. You're the only one who's ever shown me any warmth or kindness. I'm pretty pessimistic about everything. My mom is sick and bedridden, yelling at my dad for abandoning us, and calling my sister and me a burden.
"You're the only one who's ever really cared about me in this whole world. I... I like you. Will you be with me? I swear I'll study hard, get into a great college, and one day I'll make it up to you. I want to give you a better life."
It hit me like a thunderclap. My mind went totally blank.
He said he liked me. My heart was racing, and I could feel my cheeks heating up. I said, "Okay. Jacob, I like you too."
At noon, Jacob called, and as soon as I answered, he immediately laid into me.
He said, "Olivia, what's your deal? You promised to put your salary with me, and now you suddenly don't want to? I still haven't dealt with the food delivery thing from last time, and now you're causing more trouble? What? You want to break up?"
Tears just kept streaming down my face, and all those bottled-up frustrations crashed over me like a wave.
Why didn't he comfort me first? Why was it always blame, always accusations?