Chapter 1
After decades of marriage to my childhood sweetheart, Ryan Turner, it wasn't until he died that I finally learned the truth.
He was in love with my best friend, Freya Wright.
Every time he came close, bringing me milkshake and snacks, it was just so he could give her some too.
He never breathed a word about his feelings to anyone and could only watch as Freya started dating someone else.
While they were kissing, he just smiled at me and asked if I wanted to be with him.
Later, we had a daughter and seemed happy.
But on his deathbed, he gripped my hand tightly.
"Carrie, if I could do it all over again, would you help me win Freya? My greatest regret is letting her go and choosing you out of spite."
What I thought was true love was really just him settling for second best.
I pulled my hand away with cold indifference.
I watched as his heart finally stopped beating.
Fine. If I got a second chance, I'd help him be with her.
*****
As I opened my eyes again, the harsh scent of disinfectant still clung to my nose.
But the scene around me had completely changed.
I wasn't lying in a hospital waiting for the doctor to pronounce me dead. Instead, I was hunched over my desk, just waking up.
A heavy thump landed on my left shoulder.
Instinctively, I turned around and found myself staring into Ryan's smiling eyes.
He grinned, "You are spacing out? Class is about to start. Didn't sleep well last night? Got you some coffee."
He slammed a bottle of coffee onto my desk with a crack that made several heads turn.
He definitely wanted to be noticed.
I locked eyes with him.
His eyes were clear and bright, fixed on me like I was the only person in the room.
Those same earnest, focused eyes had tricked me into giving him all my love in my previous life.
Remembering his dying words, I couldn't help but feel how ironic it all was.
"I don't like coffee," I said flatly.
Thinking about it now, the proof was everywhere.
It was always Freya who liked coffee, never me.
Ryan looked a little lost, like he couldn't understand why I, always so friendly, was suddenly so cold and direct.
He gave me a nervous, trying-to-please smile.
He looked at me carefully. "What do you like, then? I can get it for you after class."
My desk mate and best friend, Freya, glanced at me.
Then she gave Ryan a sweet smile.
"It's okay. I like coffee. Carrie, just pass it to me," she said.
As soon as she finished, Ryan finally handed her the other bottle he'd been gripping tightly.
"This one's for you," he said.
His usually composed, boyish face flushed awkwardly.
I watched their little exchange.
I left the coffee untouched and passed it to Freya.
She winked at me, grinning, "Looks like I'm lucky to have you around, Carrie."
But later that afternoon, when I went to wash my hands, I overheard her complaining about me to some other girls in the next stall.
She said, "You know what? She's so fake. Is she trying to flaunt that Ryan likes her or something?
"Honestly, if it weren't for Ryan, who would even want to be friends with her?"
*****
I decided right then to end this awkward triangle. I went to see my homeroom teacher, Athena Carter, and asked to change my seat.
She was looking over my report card, frowning with concern.
She said, "Carrie, I know you're a bright student. But you can't spend all your time socializing. You've dropped 20 spots this semester. You used to be in the top five. At this rate, getting into a top college will be a struggle."
"Ms. Carter, that's exactly why I'm here," I said. "I need a new seat."
Athena looked at me in surprise.
Back then, I was the one who had begged her to let me sit next to Freya.
I told her I could tutor Freya and we could help each other out.
Freya's grades really improved.
But I let my feelings distract me, and mine started to slip.
That's why, in my previous life, I only got into a flagship state school.
I missed my chance at the top school I was aiming for.
Now that I'd got this second chance, I was not letting that happen again.
When I stepped out of Athena's office, I was surprised to see Ryan waiting for me outside.
Ever since we started high school, he'd shot up in height and turned into a tall, good-looking guy.
I had to tilt my head up to meet his eyes.
Ryan looked a bit uneasy, his lips pressed together.
Then, something warm nudged my arm.
I looked down and saw a carton of low-fat, high-calcium milk.
A smile broke out on my face.
Turns out he always knew what I liked. He just never bothered to give it to me before.
This time, I took it.
When he saw me smile, his expression finally relaxed.
He was about to say something, but I cut him off.
"I asked Ms. Carter to switch your seat so you and Freya are desk mates. I know you have feelings for her. Make the most of it," I said.
But Ryan didn't look happy at all. He just froze, completely caught off guard.
I shot him a final glance and walked right past.