Chapter 4
As she spoke, she shot me a quick glance, all sweetness and innocence in her eyes, like she was silently asking, "You're not mad, right?"
I looked at her, at her arm wrapped around his, at everyone with their phones out, laughing their heads off, and at Ethan. It was the face I'd stared at for three years.
Suddenly, the wind died down.
And even the laughter seemed to drift away.
I heard myself speak, my voice steady, "Sure.
The whole crowd fell silent for a moment.
Ethan raised an eyebrow, looking surprised. "What?"
"Isn't this what you wanted?" I said, keeping my voice steady. "Fine."
I bent over.
The moment one of my knees touched the ground, the chill went straight through my pants.
I knelt there and looked up at Ethan.
He froze.
Sophie was speechless too.
Everyone was stunned.
"Is this devoted enough for you?" I asked.
His smile stopped cold.
I pulled a tight smile, got up from the ground, and brushed off my knees.
"Happy April Fool's Day," I said.
Without another word, I turned and walked off.
The silence behind me was so thick.
As I was leaving the field, someone called out after me, "Lily."
I didn't look back.
I didn't go back to the classroom. I headed straight for the rooftop.
The rooftop door was usually locked, but the lock had been broken for ages, and no one ever bothered to fix it.
I pushed the door open, and a gust of wind rushed in, tossing my hair every which way.
I walked over to the railing, leaned my hands against the cold metal, and looked down.
The field was empty now.
Only a few fallen leaves, caught by the wind, were swirling across the concrete.
I stood there for a long time until the sun finally set, painting the sky a fiery orange.
My phone was blowing up in my pocket.
I took it out and checked.
Coco had spammed me with a dozen messages.
[Lily, where are you?]
[Don't scare me. Answer me.]
[Where are you? I'm coming to find you.]
[That bitch Sophie. I'm gonna rip her to shreds.]
[Ethan is such a jerk. Screw him.]
The last message was a voice note. I tapped play, and Coco's voice came through, shaky and thick with tears. "Lily, please don't do anything crazy. They're really not worth it. Trust me, they're not..."
I stared at the screen, and suddenly my eyes filled with tears.
I took a deep breath and typed back: [I'm on the rooftop. Don't worry. I'm okay.]
After I sent it, I shoved my phone back in my pocket, not even bothering to check her instant reply.
The last bit of orange in the sky slowly faded, turning to gray-blue, then finally to deep black.
Streetlights flickered on in the distance, one by one, like someone was lighting up the whole city.
Suddenly, I remembered the first time I ever saw Ethan, back in freshman year.
It was the first day of school. He walked down the hallway in a white shirt, backpack slung over his shoulder. The sunlight hit him right, and his eyelashes seemed to glow gold.
As he passed by me, he smiled.
That one smile stuck with me for three years.
In those three years, how many dumb things did I do for him?
I'd act like I forgot my book so I could borrow his, even though mine was sitting right there in my backpack.
I'd stand out on the court in the dead of winter, watching him play basketball. My hands were so frozen that I could barely move them, but I still couldn't make myself leave.
Whenever he bombed a test, I'd stay up all night putting together a notebook of all his wrong answers, then hand it to him the next day like it was nothing.
Whenever he got sick, I'd sneak some medicine into his desk drawer, too scared to even leave my name.
I always thought, if I kept being nice to him, someday he'd finally notice me.
He'd realize how amazing Lily really was.
He'd see I'd been crushing on him for ages.
And then he'd like me too.
I was so stupid.
I stood at the edge of the rooftop, looking down at my shadow, stretched out long and thin by the streetlights.
He saw right through me.
He'd always known.
He merely didn't care.
He didn't just ignore it. He turned my feelings into a punchline for everyone's entertainment.