Chapter 3 · He Chose Another Daughter

"Mom, he's not careless. He is..." I said.

"I know, I know, that Emily woman, David's friend. But Sarah, have you thought this through? If you get divorced, what happens to Sunny? She's only six. You really want her growing up without a father?"

I took a deep breath. "Mom, whether Sunny has a father or not has nothing to do with divorce. David hardly takes care of her anyway."

"That's because your standards are too high. What man isn't busy? As long as he makes money for you to spend, that's enough. What, did you expect him to stay home with you every day?" She said.

"Mom, that's not..."

"Sarah, I've been there. I know how hard it is to raise a kid alone. Your dad was gone early, and I raised you by myself. Do you know how much I suffered?

You've got a car, a house, and a husband who can earn. Your life is way better than mine was back then. What exactly are you unhappy about?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"That Emily, no matter what, she's still an outsider. David feels sorry for her. It'll pass. Don't blow this out of proportion. After divorce, where are you going to find a man like David?

Do you know how much he makes in a year? If you raise Sunny alone, what about your job? The mortgage? Sunny's future schooling?"

"Mom, I can..."

"You can what? That job of yours barely pays a few thousand a month. What's that enough for? David is in the wrong, sure, but you can't jump to divorce over this.

What man is perfect? If he's got a few flaws, let it slide. For the child's sake, hang in there, okay?"

Listening to Mom ramble on through the phone, I suddenly felt exhausted. Ever since I can remember, Mom had always been like this.

She carried a whole family on her own and suffered too much, so in her eyes, as long as a man could make money, nothing else really mattered.

She had endured her whole life, so she thought I should endure too. But I wasn't her. "Mom," I cut in, "I'm not you."

She went silent.

"You raised me by yourself and went through hell, and I'm grateful for that. But Mom, I don't want to live the same life you did," I said,.

" I can earn less. I can live a hard life. But I can't let Sunny grow up in a home without love.

" I don't want her to turn into someone like me, someone who grew up watching her mother's face, guessing her moods, not even daring to be happy because Mom wasn't. I don't want her to grow up not knowing how to love anyone."

There was a long silence on the other end. Then Mom's voice changed.

It wasn't the voice of someone trying to persuade me anymore. There was something else in it, something I couldn't quite name. "Sarah," she said softly, "do you think I wanted to endure it?"

I was stunned. "Do you think I didn't know what kind of man your father was? Do you think I didn't want a divorce?

"But back then, you were only three. I was all alone. I didn't even have a job. If I'd gotten divorced, how were the two of us supposed to survive?" Her voice caught.

"I've spent my whole life enduring, so I could raise you right and give you a good life. Now that you've got one, I don't want you walking the same road I did. I'm not telling you to endure, Sarah. I'm scared you'll suffer."

My eyes suddenly stung. "Mom, I'm not scared of hardship. What I'm scared of is Sunny looking at me one day and asking, Mom, why didn't you get divorced back then?"

Chapter 3

"Mom, he's not careless. He is..." I said.

I took a deep breath. "Mom, whether Sunny has a father or not has nothing to do with divorce. David hardly takes care of her anyway."

"That's because your standards are too high. What man isn't busy? As long as he makes money for you to spend, that's enough. What, did you expect him to stay home with you every day?" She said.

"Mom, that's not..."

"Sarah, I've been there. I know how hard it is to raise a kid alone. Your dad was gone early, and I raised you by myself. Do you know how much I suffered?

You've got a car, a house, and a husband who can earn. Your life is way better than mine was back then. What exactly are you unhappy about?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out.

"That Emily, no matter what, she's still an outsider. David feels sorry for her. It'll pass. Don't blow this out of proportion. After divorce, where are you going to find a man like David?

Do you know how much he makes in a year? If you raise Sunny alone, what about your job? The mortgage? Sunny's future schooling?"

"Mom, I can..."

"You can what? That job of yours barely pays a few thousand a month. What's that enough for? David is in the wrong, sure, but you can't jump to divorce over this.

What man is perfect? If he's got a few flaws, let it slide. For the child's sake, hang in there, okay?"

Listening to Mom ramble on through the phone, I suddenly felt exhausted. Ever since I can remember, Mom had always been like this.

She carried a whole family on her own and suffered too much, so in her eyes, as long as a man could make money, nothing else really mattered.

She had endured her whole life, so she thought I should endure too. But I wasn't her. "Mom," I cut in, "I'm not you."

She went silent.

"You raised me by yourself and went through hell, and I'm grateful for that. But Mom, I don't want to live the same life you did," I said,.

" I can earn less. I can live a hard life. But I can't let Sunny grow up in a home without love.

There was a long silence on the other end. Then Mom's voice changed.

It wasn't the voice of someone trying to persuade me anymore. There was something else in it, something I couldn't quite name. "Sarah," she said softly, "do you think I wanted to endure it?"

I was stunned. "Do you think I didn't know what kind of man your father was? Do you think I didn't want a divorce?

"But back then, you were only three. I was all alone. I didn't even have a job. If I'd gotten divorced, how were the two of us supposed to survive?" Her voice caught.

My eyes suddenly stung. "Mom, I'm not scared of hardship. What I'm scared of is Sunny looking at me one day and asking, Mom, why didn't you get divorced back then?"