Chapter 3
I tore through the dumpsters one by one, my hands ripping through bags of garbage, praying.
By the time the sky began to lighten, I had found nothing.
Rain started to fall, plastering my hair to my face and stinging my eyes. I wiped them with a filthy hand.
Suddenly, a large black umbrella appeared over my head.
Charles stood there with an unreadable expression as he looked at me.
"Emily, come home," he said. "Stop this."
I ignored him, plunging my hands back into the filth. He watched me for a long moment, his patience wearing thin, before grabbing my arm and yanking me away.
"She's gone! Does any of this matter?" he yelled, his voice cracking. "How long are you going to torture yourself like this?"
I looked up into his deep eyes and saw nothing.
There wasn't a trace of love for our daughter, let alone an ounce of guilt.
I couldn't help but sob.
"You have another child now, Charles," I choked out. "I don't. You've forgotten her. I haven't."
His throat worked, his hand tightening on the umbrella.
"I haven't forgotten," he said. "But what do you want from me? To live in misery forever? And what about Hannah? What are people going to think when they see you acting like this? Her situation is delicate enough. I won't let you upset her."
I didn't look at him. My fingers, cut and bleeding, went back to their frantic search.
Just as his patience finally snapped, I saw it, a corner of familiar pink fabric.
The tiny clothes, the little blanket, and the pillow I had sewn myself were all stuffed into a single plastic bag.
I clutched it to my chest like a holy relic, burying my face in it, trying to find her scent.
The next second, Charles ripped it from my arms and hurled it into a muddy puddle.
The pink was instantly swallowed by brown sludge.
I screamed, scrambling on my hands and knees to pull it out, not caring as the filthy water splashed into my mouth.
He hauled me to my feet, his fingers digging into my face, forcing me to look at him.
His eyes were cold as ice.
"Listen to me, Emily. Our daughter was never born. She died. She has been dead for three years."
I stopped fighting. I just stared at him blankly.
I had always known that my daughter was dead.
I saw it with my own eyes while he stood vigil at Hannah's bedside, never leaving her side for a moment.
In all these years, he never mentioned our daughter.
If I stopped remembering her, it would be as if she never existed at all.
I guarded her memory, and I never asked him to share my grief.
I just kept her things in an empty room.
Was even that too much to ask?
Seeing me so still, he tossed the umbrella aside and pulled me into his arms in the pouring rain.
"Emmy," he whispered. "Hannah promised me. After the baby is born, she'll leave us alone. This child can be ours.
"You can love and give the child all the love you never got to give our daughter."
I went limp in his arms, letting him hold my frigid body.
Taking my surrender as a victory, he leaned down and kissed my forehead.
He bent to retrieve the umbrella, but as he straightened up, he saw Hannah standing a few feet away. She was soaked to the bone, looking heartbroken.
Instantly, he let go of me and ran to her.
He held the umbrella over her, yelling with concern, "You're pregnant! What are you doing out here in this storm?"
She bit her lip, wrapping her arms around his waist.
"You were gone so long that I got worried. Please don't be mad at me, Charlie."
He didn't speak, but he tightened his hold on her.
He glanced back at me, who was still standing unprotected in the rain.
He explained, "Hannah's not well. I have to get her inside. Wait for me. I'll be back."
"Okay," I murmured softly. I bent down, picked up the muddy bundle, and dropped it back into the trash.
Charles frowned and advised hesitantly, "If you really can't part with it..."
"I don't need it," I said, cutting him off flatly.
Seeing I wasn't fighting anymore, he wore a triumphant smile.
He exclaimed, "Good. I knew you'd listen to reason."
After they disappeared inside, I stood in the rain for a very long time.
Charles was right.
What was I accomplishing by clinging to ghosts?
All I needed was to keep my daughter safe in my heart. That was enough.
An hour later, the rain stopped.
Charles never came back for me.
And for the first time, I wasn't waiting.