Chapter 2

I had them look into Ethan's family, his job, and even studied his personality and preferences.

I hid my illness and set up "accidental" encounters, inching my way into his life.

It took me two whole years to make Ethan mine.

I hid my true self so well, he never saw the real me.

Around him, I was always sweet, quiet, and totally harmless.

For two years straight, I never let my cover slip.

His psychiatrist buddy thought there was something off about me and pulled Ethan aside to warn him, "She's got a weird look in her eyes.

"Ethan, you really ought to be careful around her."

Ethan quickly spoke up for me. "She's just a bit nervous."

"She doesn't know you well, so she's a little scared to look you in the eye."

The first time Ethan brought me home to meet his parents, I stuck close behind him, acting all shy and obedient.

The Palmer family came from a really prominent background, but they never once looked down on me.

If Ethan was into me, that was good enough for his parents.

When I chatted with his parents, I mixed in some truth with a few white lies about my tragic past.

His mom felt so sorry for me, she pulled me into a hug and even wiped away my tears herself.

At dinner, I finally got to taste the raviolis Ethan had told me about—his mom made them herself.

They were so fragrant and tender.

I fell even harder for Ethan, and I wanted to be part of this family more than ever.

Turned out, all I had to do was act normal and fool Ethan.

And just like that, I got all these amazing things.

I worked even harder at playing the good girl, all the way until I finally married Ethan.

But one couldn't hide who one really were forever.

My illness was no different.

Once I had Ethan, I became obsessed with the idea of losing him.

Whenever he was working late at the lab, I'd deliberately take a cold shower.

Then I'd call him up, whining about feeling sick.

And when he was out schmoozing with business partners, I'd just happen to bump into him.

Then I'd pull him away and take him home early.

At first, his coworkers and business partners were always cracking jokes about us.

They'd say we were still in the honeymoon phase, acting all sweet and inseparable.

But as time went on, people started giving Ethan and me strange looks.

I just couldn't handle being apart from Ethan for too long. I was constantly calling him to come home.

His research suffered, and deals with his partners kept falling through because of me.

Lance was really let down.

The way Ainsley looked at me wasn't gentle anymore.

Ethan kept standing up for me, no matter what.

Then, late one night, he finally snapped and asked me, "Julia, are you...

"Have you been under a lot of stress lately?

"Maybe you should talk to Mason, let him help you out."

Mason was his buddy, and a shrink.

Ethan could tell something was wrong, so he wanted Mason to see if I was okay.

My PI followed them.

He got photos of their meetup and recorded everything they said.

Mason was blunt, telling Ethan he should consider divorcing me.

He said my mental problems were way more complicated than they seemed.

He said he could see I was desperately trying to cover it up, but my twisted, obsessive need to possess Ethan still showed through.

Ethan stayed silent for a long time.

For the first time, he didn't rush to argue back.

His life, always on top of the world, everything going his way for over twenty years, was slowly being wrecked by me.

That night, I broke down in tears, apologizing over and over, promising I'd change this time.

Ethan finally gave in, his heart too soft to resist, and wrapped his arms around me, saying, "That's not what I meant.

"Julia, I'm just worried you're sick and hurting inside.

"I-If you really need help, I'll be right there with you through it all."

But when Mason told him I had mental issues, Ethan just froze.

He totally hesitated when Mason suggested he should divorce me.

He was scared; he wanted to run.

After that, I managed to hold myself back for a while.

I kept myself from interfering with his work and social events.

But one couldn't keep a sickness bottled up forever.

After all that effort to suppress it, my madness came back with a vengeance and it was even crazier than before.

I started stalking Ethan at his research lab during the day.

One of his coworkers turned the corner and got spooked seeing me lurking there.

Ethan was humiliated.

For the first time, he demanded in a low, tense voice, "Julia, what the hell are you doing?"

After that, whenever I pretended to be sick and called him, he started ignoring my calls.

When he was pulling all-nighters at the lab, he'd drag himself home past midnight.

He'd stumble in, exhausted, only to be hit with my emotional meltdowns.

I got jealous just because he said a few extra words to his junior labmate.

And then, just to spite me, he went out for dinner with her after work.

He was starting to hate me, pushing me away.

He said, "Julia, Mason was right.

"To you, I'm just some toy you want to keep on your table; something you can control whenever you feel like it.

"But I'm not just here to live the way you want. I have my own life, Julia.

"Julia, please, just listen and go see a doctor. I'm so tired."

We started fighting all the time, and Ethan was wasting away right before my eyes.

I couldn't control myself anymore. My stalking got worse and worse, reckless and obsessive, like nothing else mattered.

Ethan's parents were heartbroken for him.

Ainsley grabbed his hand, tears streaming down her face as she cried, "Your dad and I have always trusted your choices.

"We've never interfered in your life or your marriage.

"But Ethan, look at yourself.

"You don't look anything like you used to.

"Now, every time I see Julia, all I feel is fear."

Ethan was silent for a long time.

In the end, he finally gave in and did as his parents said, filing for divorce.

That night, he sat across the table from me, and he couldn't even bring himself to sit next to me anymore.

His voice was so weak, it barely sounded like him anymore.

He said, "Julia, I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore. I'm exhausted.

"I'll make sure you get extra money.

"Stop pretending you're okay. Please, get some help."

I knew that he'd finally decided to give up on me for real.

But I couldn't bear to lose him.

He was the only one in this whole world who ever loved me.

If I couldn't hold onto him, then I'd have to trap him by my side.

So, right before the court date, I broke down in tears, pouring out all my regrets and begging him for another chance.

I told him I'd do whatever he asked, that I'd take therapy seriously and get help, just like he wanted.

And when Ethan's heart softened again, I never intended to let him out of the house ever again.

But when I said I'd get therapy, I wasn't lying to him.

After all, I was messed up, and that was something he couldn't accept.

I didn't want him to end up hating me.

Ethan once read in a medical book that shock therapy could cure mental illness.

But there was no way I could actually go to a hospital and see a doctor.

If there was any record of my mental issues, I'd probably get sent straight to a psych ward.

They'd lock me up for good, and I'd never get to see Ethan again.

So I spent hours scouring online forums and medical sites, piecing together whatever info I could find.

I bought some parts online and rigged up my own homemade shock therapy device.

Once everything was ready, on a bright, sunny afternoon, I was practically buzzing with excitement.

I turned to Ethan.

I said, "Just a few more days and you'll be free.

"By then, I'll be the Julia you used to know."

I'd be the sweet, quiet, soft, and shy Julia.

I'd have a normal, healthy mind.

I'd be cherished by Ethan, and by his parents.

I'd finally have a family, and someone who loves me.

Ethan called me crazy again, but I wasn't even angry.

Pretty soon, I wouldn't be crazy anymore.

I lay down on the bed I'd set up for my therapy.

Every time I thought about Ethan, the homemade shock device hooked up to my chest sent jolts through me, making me twitch all over.

But I couldn't stop thinking about him.

I remembered the first time we met. He was the first person who ever gave me an umbrella.

I thought about the raviolis his mom made, steaming hot and extra special.

I remembered his dad's warm words to me.

He said, "Julia, the past is behind you. From now on, The Palmer family is your family."

And then, that old fear came rushing back. I was terrified of losing Ethan.

I started thinking again, 'If Ethan ever stopped wanting me, I'd just lock him up and keep him with me, no matter what.'

As my consciousness faded, I caught the smell of burning flesh.

I looked down and saw a big, charred patch on my chest.

Years ago, my psychiatrist was right.

My illness was incurable.

Someone as messed up as me really should've been thrown into a mental hospital.

With a pang of regret, I felt myself floating up into the air.

I looked down and saw my own body lying there on the bed—so ugly, so pathetic.