Chapter 1
"Registration. Emergency Pediatrics," I said.
I handed over my health insurance card, holding Alex close. He was burning with fever, his whole body trembling in my arms.
It was two in the morning at Central City Hospital, and the emergency room was bathed in harsh, white light.
There were three people ahead of us.
Alex's forehead pressed against my neck, so hot it felt like fire.
"Mommy, I feel bad," Alex whimpered.
"It'll be over soon, Alex. Just hang in there," I said, holding him tighter.
I checked my phone—103.6°F. Way too high.
Finally, it was our turn.
I carried Alex into the exam room.
The doctor was facing away, washing his hands.
He was wearing a white coat, broad-shouldered, with his sleeves rolled up to his forearms.
He turned around.
I froze in place.
Lucas.
I could never forget the way he walked out of the registry office three years ago after signing our divorce papers—never once looking back.
Now, he stood before me, his name tag on his chest: Lucas Nolan Deputy Director of Emergency Surgery.
*****
'Isn't he a surgeon? Why is he working in pediatrics tonight?' I wondered.
He ignored me and focused on Alex.
"How old is he?" he asked.
"Four," I said, keeping my voice low.
My mask covered most of my face, and I'd changed my hairstyle. There's no way he'd recognize me.
'He can't recognize me. He can't,' I told myself.
"When did the fever start?" he asked.
"Around five this afternoon. The fever went down to 100.4°F after he took some medicine, but it spiked again half an hour ago," I replied.
He picked up his stethoscope and pressed it to Alex's back.
Alex, feeling shy and scared, clung to me tighter.
"It's okay, don't be scared. I'm just listening," Lucas said gently.
His voice was just like it always was.
After checking Alex's throat and feeling his stomach, Lucas went back to his desk and started jotting down notes.
"His tonsils are full of pus. He'll need an IV drip," Lucas said.
His pen scratched across the prescription pad.
Halfway through, he stopped.
"Where's his dad? Didn't he come with you?" Lucas asked.
"He's not around anymore," I said.
I kept my voice flat, not giving anything away.
His pen hovered over the paper for two seconds.
Then he kept writing.
"The IV drip will take about two hours. The observation area is at the end of the hallway on the left," he said.
He passed me the prescription.
Our fingers were just three centimeters apart.
He never once looked up at me.
I took the prescription and turned away, holding Alex close in my arms.
Just as I stepped out of the exam room, I heard the nurse's voice behind me.
"Mr. Nolan, your fiancée just called. She said to switch the flowers for tomorrow's engagement party to white roses," the nurse said.
'Fiancée,' I thought.
'Engagement party,' I thought.
I held Alex tighter and walked toward the end of the hallway.
*****
The IV room was dimly lit, with just a single small lamp giving off a faint glow.
After Alex was hooked up to the IV, his fever finally eased, and he slipped into a restless sleep.
I sat in the plastic chair next to him, staring at the IV bag as each drop of medicine fell, one after another.
My phone buzzed.
Katie: [How's Alex doing?]
Me: [He's on an IV drip. His fever's still pretty high, but it shouldn't be anything serious.]
Katie: [Are you alone? Should I come over?]
Me: [No, you need to talk about that project tomorrow.]
Katie sent a hug emoji.
Katie: [By the way, I've got all the materials ready for tomorrow's second round of negotiations with Everwell. Check your email when you get a chance.]
Me: [Okay.]
Everwell Holdings. The biggest pharmaceutical distributor in the country east .
If we secure this deal, our annual revenue would instantly double.
But right now, I couldn't care less about any of that.
Alex was asleep, his tiny hand holding onto my finger.
His hand was so small, and his nails were rounded and neat.
Anyone could tell right away who he looked like.
His eyes, the bridge of his nose, the shape of his lips—every feature was just like Lucas's.
He was the spitting image of Lucas.
That's why I never brought him anywhere I might run into the Nolan family.
Four years.
I've kept him hidden all these years.
By four in the morning, the IV drip was finally done.
Alex's fever had dropped to 99.5°F.
I wrapped him up in his little blanket, picked him up, and headed out.
As I walked down the emergency hallway, the door to the exam room was still open.
Lucas was still there.
He was leaning back in his chair, eyes closed, like he was taking a quick nap.
There was a cup of cold coffee on the desk, weighing down a photo underneath it.
I couldn't make out who was in the picture.
'I didn't want to know, anyway,' I thought.
I picked up my pace and hurried out of the hospital.
A taxi was waiting at the entrance.
I got in, closed the door, and the car rolled into the deserted streets of the early morning.
Alex shifted in my arms, mumbling something in his sleep.
"Daddy" Alex murmured.
I tightened my grip on him.
He'd never even met his dad.
But all the other kids at kindergarten had one.
He'd asked me once, "Mommy, where's my daddy?"
I told him, "Daddy's working far away."
He never asked again.
At just four years old, he already knew not to ask about things that would make life harder for me.