Chapter 1

On my birthday, I cracked a dozen jokes, but nobody even cared.

Nate and Olivia sat across from me, totally absorbed in figuring out why their cell experiment had failed.

I couldn't understand a word they were saying.

They were the top science students in the state, double gold medalists in national science competitions, and top debaters in international tournaments.

They were the kind of prodigies everyone admired.

As for me, I had to repeat my senior year three times to get into the most obscure major at their school, and I still got nervous and stuttered even in casual conversation.

"Emmy, come on, tell us, should we blame Nathan Carter's pipette for the mess? " Olivia Lane suddenly called out to me.

I froze for a second, just about to stammer out a response, when Nate let out a helpless laugh.

"Emmy doesn't know anything about our field. Why bother asking her? " he said.

He gave my cheek a playful squeeze, then turned right back to Olivia, diving into another round of their discussion.

I bit my lip, staring at the melted ice cream cake, my heart aching bitterly.

I didn't want to hear things I couldn't understand anymore.

"I'm leaving." I'd been rehearsing those words in my head for so long before I finally managed to say them smoothly.

But they were practically glued together, totally absorbed in watching the experiment footage on Nate's phone.

Not even a glance my way.

The screen suddenly went dark, and Olivia reached out to unlock it, grumbling at Nate as she did. "Can't you set your phone to stay on for five minutes? I'm always the one unlocking it for you. Seriously, you're hopelessly lazy. "

Nate gave a lazy grin. "You're so bossy. You're always telling me which lab coat to wear, how to arrange my reagent bottles, and now you even want to control how long my phone stays on? "

They were bantering like nobody else was around, with that easy intimacy you only get from being together day in and day out.

I'd never even seen him in a lab coat, and I couldn't tell any of those colorful chemicals apart.

Since we weren't in the same major, and I was still an undergrad while they were already in grad school, we barely got to spend any time together at all.

Watching them laugh and tease each other, I suddenly felt a sting in my chest, it was almost painful to see.

I took a deep breath, forcing my voice to sound stronger. "I'm leaving. "

Nate's hand was still resting on Olivia's shoulder as he looked up at me, confused. "Emmy, did you just say something? "

I gripped my sleeve so tight, my emotions all over the place. I started to stammer, only managing to get out, "I... "

He sighed and cut me off. "Emmy, you wouldn't understand. We're talking about a really important step in our experiment, an adviser at Stanford assigned it ahead of time. "

"Just hang tight, okay? We'll talk with you once we finish this, " he said.

I bit my lip, a wave of bitter hurt welling up in my chest.

It's always the same old excuse.

It's like only what they talk about ever matters, and I'm some silly kid who doesn't get it, always fooling around.

The last time we were studying at the library, they were sitting shoulder to shoulder across from me, just like now.

I wanted to ask Nate about a calculus problem, so I walked over and tapped him on the shoulder. He gave me a sharp shush, cutting me off. "Emmy, you don't get it. We're working on a really important paper for a big-deal journal.

"Just play on your phone for a bit, okay? "

But I waited there until the library closed, and he never bothered to pay me any attention.

When I finally stepped out of the library, it was pouring rain.