Chapter 5

In fourth grade, the school organized a spring field trip.

Every student had to pay ten bucks.

Our teacher stood at the front of the class, reading from a list and collecting the money.

When she called my name, I stood up. "I'm not going, Mrs. Smith."

She paused, looking surprised. "Why not?"

"I... I'm not feeling well."

She gave me a long look but didn't press the issue, simply crossing my name off the list.

After class, the class president ran up to me. "Are you really not going? We're heading to the city zoo!"

I nodded. "Nope."

"How come?"

I didn't answer.

The truth was, I wanted to go more than anything.

I had never been to a zoo, let alone the city.

But I couldn't.

I just didn't have the ten dollars.

Gran's only income came from collecting scrap metal and selling produce from her garden, which brought in fifteen bucks a month at most.

Between groceries and the electric bill, there was absolutely nothing left.

I couldn't add to her burden.

On the day of the trip, the school was eerily quiet.

Just me and two other kids who hadn't paid stayed behind in the classroom.

The teacher gave us a study hall.

I rested my head on my desk, staring out the window at the beautiful, warm sunshine.

Imagining my classmates looking at the tigers and monkeys made my chest ache.

*****

After school, I headed home to find Gran in the yard, canning some tomatoes.

She looked surprised. "Wasn't the field trip today? Why are you back so early?"

I looked down at my shoes. "I didn't go."

"Why?"

"I just didn't want to."

Gran stared at me in silence.

After a moment, she walked over and knelt in front of me. "Sweetheart, is it because of the money?"

I bit my lip, refusing to meet her eyes.

She let out a heavy sigh. "It's my fault. I'm so useless I can't even scrape together ten dollars."

"No, Gran, I really didn't want to go."

"Don't lie to me, Charlotte. Your eyes are all red."

I couldn't hold it back anymore. The tears spilled over.

Gran pulled me into a tight hug, whispering apologies over and over.

Her voice was thick with guilt and heartache.

I buried my face in her shoulder, sobbing until my whole body shook.

Gran didn't say a word that night.

She just sat on the porch, staring blankly at the sky.

I knew she was hurting.

*****

The next day, I found out she had sold her only laying hen.

She had kept that bird for over two years, saving its eggs to sell at the farmer's market for fifteen cents a pop.

But she sold it for ten bucks and pressed the cash into my hand.

"Next time there's a school trip, you go," she said.

I shook my head. "Gran, I don't want it."

"Take it. Keep it and buy whatever you want."

"But the hen—"

"We can always raise another chicken, but you only get one childhood."

Looking at the crumpled bills in my hand, I started crying again.

Gran patted my head. "Silly girl, don't cry."

But I knew it tore her apart. That hen was her lifeline.

*****

From then on, I threw myself into my studies.

I placed first in my class on every single test.

My teacher praised me at the parent-teacher conferences.

On the day of the conference, Gran wore her best outfit: a faded blue denim jacket.

She even slicked her hair down with a bit of water so it looked neat.

When she came home, she was beaming. "Charlotte, your teacher says you're the smartest kid in the class! She said you're definitely going to a good college someday."

I nodded. "I promise I'll get in, Gran."

"And then you can finally leave this place."

"What about you?"

"I'll be fine. As long as you have a good life, I can rest easy."

But I saw the tears shining in her eyes.

That night, I wrote a single sentence in my journal: [I'm going to make something of myself and give Gran a better life.]

That promise kept me going for the next fifteen years.