Chapter 3
Lindgren can't even tell what the husbands are thinking because he can't bear to look up at them.
"You're a hockey player, Lindgren," Callum points out.
Lindgren shrugs.
Yeah, he's definitely going to go back to his room and figure something else out.
They don't even have to have penetrative sex.
That would be totally cool and even really modern of him.
"You are scared of the dark?" Nikolai asks.
Lindgren nods.
It's not stupid.
It's just that one time when Lindgren was really young, he was out camping with his parents.
He got up in the middle of the night, thinking he didn't need a flashlight to go pee, and ended up walking too far from the tent.
He wandered around in the dark for what felt like hours until he sat down and sobbed, certain every noise he heard was a monster coming to get him.
His parents found him then; he was only a few yards away when all was said and done.
But every time now that he's out in the dark alone, Lindgren's heart starts to race like it did that night.
And the hotel they're staying in is close to the airport and not really near anything so it's really, really dark outside.
Nikolai sighs, and Lindgren watches his feet walk away.
"What are you doing?" Callum calls.
Lindgren raises his head to watch Nikolai chuck a shirt and then a pair of shoes at Callum.
"We are going, obviously," Nikolai says.
"You will be thinking about sad rookie all night instead of how I should be fucking you unless we do this now."
"Oh, fuck off.
You would be just as bad.
You love them."
Nikolai sighs again, upping the drama.
"It's such a burden to bear."
"Are you guys really going to come?" Lindgren asks.
Nikolai shoves Callum out of the door and pulls the door close behind him.
"Only because you look so sad and pathetic," he answers.
Lindgren will take it.
He pads after the husbands down the hall as they bicker about something, switching to Russian so he doesn't understand them.
They ride the elevator down and then step out into the night.
The second they're far enough away from the hotel lights that they have to squint into the dark to see, Nikolai's arm settles across Lindgren's shoulder.
The couple has dropped back to walk on either side of him, like crossing guards.
Lindgren knows he should probably feel embarrassed about this, but he's mostly just grateful.
"Not so bad, right?" Nikolai asks.
"Right," Lindgren answers, his heart rate slowing now that he can feel his two teammates on either side of him.
It's a ten minute walk to a little corner convenience store sitting alone on the side of a veritable highway.
Callum holds the door open for him and Nikolai as they walk inside, causing the bell on the door to ring and the cashier to glance up at them.
He looks bored with his magazine open and the store empty.
"We should get snacks," Nikolai calls out as Lindgren makes a beeline towards the back of the store where the condoms are.
"We aren't eating trash," he can hear Callum call back.
Standing in front of the racks of contraceptives, Lindgren realizes he has a bit of choice paralysis, and also that he's never actually had to buy condoms.
He's always just taken them from friends and teammates.
He blinks dumbly at the options and then snags the most regular looking Shield pack and prays that this is what people typically buy.
He meets Nikolai and Callum at the checkout.
Nikolai has nerd gummies, potato chips, cola, and ginger ale on the counter being rung up.
Lindgren adds the condoms and resolutely does not look at either of them.
"Don't joke," Callum orders as Nikolai opens his mouth.
Lindgren holds his breath, but Nikolai rolls his eyes and closes his mouth.
They get rung up, Callum bagging everything and then playing a game of keep away from Nikolai to keep hold of the bag, even though Nikolai tries to insist he should carry it for his husband.
All Nikolai succeeds in is stealing the nerd gummies from Callum.
Then they're back out into the night.
"Think this will be Blitzed about?" Callum asks.
"By that guy?" Nikolai asks through a mouthful of nerd gummies.
"Maybe."
Lindgren holds out a hand and Nikolai passes him some.
He then hands one singular candy to Callum who accepts it with a quiet nod.
Nikolai looks far too pleased about that.
"You like this girl, Lindgren?" Nikolai asks, glancing at Callum to see if he has to dodge another elbow for being nosy.
"Yeah, maybe," he answers.
To be honest, now that Lindgren has the condoms, he's starting to think that this is a bad idea again.
A pit of anxiety has opened in his stomach.
Fuck, now there's no reason for her not to come.
Not that Lindgren didn't want her to come, but just like, now she's actually going to be coming.
Oh my God, she's going to come to Lindgren's hotel room, and they'll meet again, and what if she hates him in person?
"Lindy, listen," Nikolai says, "all you have to do to impress this girl is when you are between her legs, there's this thing that you can do with your tongue.
Everyone loves it even –"
"If you say, 'even Callum' I will kill you," Callum deadpans.
Lindgren chokes.
Oh my God what if he's bad in bed.
He hasn't even considered that.
He wants her to like him.
He wants her to like him so bad.
"Hey," Callum says, placing a hand on Lindgren's back, snapping him out of his spiral, "are you good?"
"Yeah, just like, I have to have sex with her now."
"You don't have to do anything, Lindy.
Even with the condoms.
You never have to do anything you don't want, and you are always allowed to change your mind."
He sounds like one of those people that comes to colleges to do consent lectures.
Lindgren was only at college for two years, but he sat through enough of them playing in the CHL.
It's bizarrely comforting to hear Callum repeat those same words.
God, he only went to two years of college before going pro.
He didn't even declare an official major before he dropped out.
"What is actually wrong, Lindy?" Nikolai asks.
"You are so tense.
Like a spring."
"She's just," Lindgren sighs, "so fucking smart.
She's an art history major and she travels to like help art collectors.
She's starting her PhD, man.
I don't know.
She's older than me too, and I don't have anything to offer her.
I'm just a dumb fucking hockey player and she's beautiful and smart and funny, and if I'm bad in bed then there's really no reason for her to ever see me again, and I think I really like her."
They've stopped walking.