Chapter 1

The obstacle course stretched before us like a battlefield, all mud and ropes and wooden barriers designed to break the spirit. My muscles burned as I hauled myself over yet another wall, the November chill seeping through my sweat-soaked fatigues. Three years of ROTC training at Northwestern, and I still hated this part—the physical strain I could handle, but the mud? It got everywhere.

I landed with a splash, glancing over my shoulder to check on Ryan. He was a few paces behind, his broad shoulders tensed with effort. For a moment, our eyes met, and I flashed him an encouraging smile. He didn't return it.

"Parker! Eyes forward! This isn't social hour!"

Sergeant Victoria Hayes's voice cut through the air like a whip. I snapped my attention back to the course, but not before catching the way her eyes lingered on Ryan. Something in her gaze made my stomach tighten—it wasn't the look of an instructor assessing a cadet. It was the look of a predator.

"Sorry, Sergeant," I called, pushing forward through the mud pit.

Victoria Hayes was everything I wasn't—tall, statuesque, with the kind of confidence that didn't need to be earned. She wore her authority like expensive perfume, and lately, I'd noticed how Ryan seemed to breathe it in whenever she was near.

"Mitchell! Pick up the pace!" she barked at Ryan, but her tone carried an undercurrent I couldn't miss. "I expect better from you."

I watched from the corner of my eye as Ryan straightened, his jaw tightening in that way it did when he was trying to impress someone. "Yes, Sergeant!"

By the time we finished, I was exhausted and filthy, but Victoria looked like she'd barely broken a sweat. As we gathered for final instructions, I tried to catch Ryan's attention, but he was fixated on her—the way her uniform hugged her curves, how she tucked a strand of dark hair behind her ear as she spoke.

"Weekend field exercise begins at 0600 tomorrow," she announced. "I expect everyone to be prepared for extended tactical operations. Dismissed."

As the group dispersed, I approached Ryan, reaching for his hand. "Want to grab dinner at Mario's tonight? We could use a date night."

He pulled away slightly, his eyes still tracking Victoria as she walked toward the equipment shed. "Can't. I need to review the field manual before tomorrow. You know how Hayes gets about preparation."

"Hayes," I repeated, noting the familiar way he said her name. "Since when is she 'Hayes' and not 'Sergeant Hayes'?"

Ryan's eyes finally met mine, defensive. "It's just shorthand, Maddie. Don't make it weird."

"I'm not making anything weird," I said, fighting to keep my voice steady. "I just miss you. You've been distant lately."

"I've been busy," he snapped, then softened at my expression. "Look, I'm just stressed about these evaluations. They matter for my commission, you know that."

I nodded, swallowing the hurt. I knew all about sacrifice for Ryan's future. The scars on my abdomen—three jagged reminders of the night I'd stepped between him and a knife—itched under my uniform.

* * *

The next morning dawned cold and gray, perfect weather for misery. The field exercise was in full swing by 0800, with our squad navigating through dense woodland on the outskirts of campus. I'd lost sight of Ryan an hour ago when Victoria had assigned him to scout ahead with her.

"Taking a break, Parker?" Caleb Vance smirked as he passed me. He was Ryan's friend, cut from the same cloth—handsome, ambitious, and always looking for an angle.

"Just checking my map," I lied, folding the paper I hadn't actually been reading. "Have you seen Ryan?"

Caleb's smirk widened. "Last I saw, Sergeant Hayes needed his help with something behind the ridge. Very... hands-on instruction, I'm sure."

My blood ran cold. I waited until Caleb moved on before slipping away from my assigned position. I told myself I was being paranoid, that Ryan wouldn't—couldn't—do this to me. Not after everything.

I crept through the underbrush, ducking behind a low berm that overlooked the equipment shed. And there they were.

Ryan had Victoria pressed against the metal wall, his hands tangled in her hair. They were kissing—not the hesitant kiss of a first transgression, but the hungry, familiar kiss of lovers who had done this before. My phone buzzed in my pocket—a text from Ryan, probably lying about where he was—but I couldn't tear my eyes away from the scene.

I watched, frozen, as Victoria whispered something in his ear that made him laugh. Ryan never laughed like that with me anymore.

Something inside me cracked, a fault line splitting open after years of pressure. I backed away silently, my mind already calculating, planning. This wasn't just about today. This was about years of sacrifice, of working multiple jobs to support us while Ryan pursued his dreams, of the future children I would never have because I had stepped in front of a knife meant for him.

I made it back to our position before anyone noticed my absence. I completed the exercise on autopilot, my face a mask of calm while my mind raced ahead.

That evening, I waited until Ryan was in the shower before I searched his gym bag. The condom wrappers were tucked into the inside pocket, not even hidden well—three empty foil packets that gleamed under the bedroom light like accusatory eyes.

I didn't need these to confirm what I already knew, but holding them in my trembling hands made it real in a way I couldn't deny. Ryan and I hadn't used condoms since my surgery. There was no need—the doctors had been clear about that.

I heard the shower turn off and quickly tucked the wrappers back where I found them. As Ryan's footsteps approached, I made a decision. I wouldn't confront him. Not yet. First, I needed a plan.