Chapter 1

When I was seven, the Lincolns covered my full tuition. Tiffany Lincoln brought me from our small town to the city and had me sit right beside her only son, Ethan Lincoln, in class.

The first day we met, Ethan pulled a drumstick from his lunchbox, dropped it onto my plate, and said, "You're way too skinny."

Later on, Winnie Clayton transferred into our class, and the three of us became inseparable.

Then came senior year of high school. Our school had only one direct admission nomination to Ashbourne University.

I earned it. Winnie didn't make the cut.

She never said a word about it. She enrolled at a college halfway across the country instead. Two weeks into the semester, she jumped from the sixth floor.

Ethan and I carried that guilt for twelve long years.

At twenty-nine, I was diagnosed with ALS. On my final night, Ethan held me close, soaking the back of my shirt with his tears.

"Ella, I love you. I've loved you since we were seven.

"But if there were a second chance, I wouldn't let Winnie go down that road again. Whatever it takes," he said.

When I opened my eyes again, I was right back on the day they posted the nomination list.

The afternoon sun cut sharply into the classroom. Next to the whiteboard hung the bright announcement flyer, my name sitting on the very first line. [Luella Sutton, Direct Admission to the Department of Biological Sciences, Ashbourne University.]

I sat at my desk for a long time, staring at those words while the memory of Winnie falling from the roof replayed in my mind.

She wore a white dress, standing on the dorm roof with the wind whipping her hair across her face.

The sky had been clear that day.

I was thousands of miles away, sitting through a lecture at Ashbourne, letting my phone buzz thirty-seven times before finally picking up.

Ethan didn't break down on the line. He only said three words. "Winnie is gone."

Those three words crushed the next twelve years of my life into a dull, flat gray.

And now, here I was back in high school, looking at that same announcement.

In my previous life, I took that spot. This time around, I had already planned to decline it and pass the opportunity to Winnie.

As long as she stayed alive.

My way of making amends matched Ethan's.

Yet before I could act on it, someone had already made the move for me.

*****

After class, I headed back to my dorm and opened my laptop to check the portal, but someone had already tampered with it.

On the admission page, my status was marked in bold: [Voluntarily Withdrawn].

The note below read: [Applicant voluntarily forfeits admission nomination. Confirmed.]

The electronic signature showed my name, timestamped yesterday at 2:17 a.m.

At 2:17 a.m., I had been fast asleep.

Right beside the mouse, a black flash drive sat plugged into the port.

I knew that drive. It belonged to Ethan. The scrape on the casing was from a drop back in freshman year.

I unplugged it and gripped it in my palm.

The plastic casing soon grew warm against my skin.

When did he slip into my room? How did he manage it? Who did he dodge?

The questions spun in my head, all leading to a single realization.

Ethan came back too.

His way of making amends was to decide my life for me.

*****

The next day, I saw Ethan while getting lunch in the cafeteria.

He walked past carrying his tray, his gaze sweeping over me without lingering for a second.

He never used to be like that.

In the past, a single sneeze from me would have him pulling off his jacket to drape over my shoulders.

I carried my tray to a corner table. Freya Grant slid in across from me, tapping her fork against the edge of her plate.

"Luella, you lost your Ashbourne spot?" Freya asked.

Word traveled fast.

Freya had the biggest mouth in our grade, but she was also the only one with the guts to ask me to my face.

"Yeah," I replied.

"Are you insane? Direct admission to Ashbourne, and you turned it down?" Her fork froze, her voice spiking. "Do you have any idea how many people here would kill for that? Why would you drop it?"

"I've got my own plans."

"What plans?"

I kept my head down and took a bite of food, offering no explanation.

Freya was visibly frustrated and about to push further when a soft voice cut in from the side. "Ella."

It was Winnie.

She stood beside our table holding a carton of milk, looking tentative.

"Is it true that you passed on the Ashbourne spot?" she asked.

I looked up at her. At eighteen, Winnie had smooth skin with faint dark circles under her eyes. In my previous life, she battled insomnia for months, losing sixteen pounds a month before her death.

I replied, "Yeah, I'm giving it up."

Winnie bit her lower lip. "Ethan mentioned that since you backed out, it goes to the next person in line, which would be me."

Her voice got softer and softer, like she was testing how I'd react.

"I know," I said.

"Y-You are not upset with me?" she asked.

I set down my fork and met her gaze seriously. "Winnie, I've never held your grades against you, good or bad. I want you to go to Ashbourne."

Winnie's eyes lit up instantly.

She set the milk down in front of me. "Here, this is for you. Ethan told me to bring it over."

Once Winnie walked off, Freya poked my arm. "Cut the crap, Luella. Did you seriously give that up voluntarily?"

I kept quiet.

Freya stared at me for five seconds before slapping her fork onto the tray. "This doesn't feel right. You spent three years grinding for Ashbourne—all those competitions and papers. That spot was yours. You wouldn't throw it away on a whim."

"Freya," I said.

"What?"

"Eat your lunch."

She rolled her eyes in exasperation, but dropped the subject.

*****

During the break after the second class in the afternoon, I went to fill my water bottle. At the end of the hallway, Ethan leaned against the windowsill, holding an empty tumbler.

He was waiting for me.

I walked past him and stepped up to the water dispenser.

He stayed where he was, his voice low enough that only I could hear. "Keep quiet about the admission withdrawal."

I pressed the dispenser lever, listening to the water fill my bottle.

"I know it belonged to you," he said after a brief pause. "But Winnie needs it more."

The low hum of the device filled the silence between us.

"Helping her helps you, too. You don't want a repeat of what happened in our previous life, do you?" he added.

I let go of the lever and pulled my bottle away.

Turning toward him, I caught his gaze.

His eyes were the same as they were that last night in my previous life, unyielding, stubborn, and completely resolute.

"You left your flash drive in my laptop," I said.

His composure cracked.

His grip tightened around his tumbler until his knuckles went white.

I pulled the drive from my pocket and set it on the dispenser ledge.

"Take it back," I said.

Then I turned and walked away.

No footsteps followed me.