Chapter 4

My first encounter with Ferdinand was at a psychological counseling center.

After a car accident left him disfigured, he developed PTSD and would occasionally come in for counseling sessions to help him cope.

When I sat down across from him, the side of his face that was visible was strikingly handsome.

The other half was hidden behind a sleek, cold metal mask, meant to hide the damage from the crash.

When he looked at me, his expression was emotionless and distant, like nothing around him mattered anymore.

His situation was worse than I expected, but I wasn't afraid. I'd been through everything he had. We shared similar pasts.

I patiently took out a thick stack of medical records and placed them in front of him. "Since we're getting married, I think you deserve to know all of this."

He frowned a little, as if digesting my words. After a moment, his gaze fell on the emblem of the counseling center.

He recognized it instantly. A wild thought popped into his mind. "Wait, are you..."

I nodded, completely open about it. "Four years ago, I went through therapy here, off and on, for about half a year."

After giving birth, I was separated from my daughter, Eloise, way too soon. Then, I fell into a deep postpartum depression.

I tried slashing my wrists, smashing my head against the wall, and even jumping into a river.

When the meds didn't help, I escaped to the scenic Mount Vaasaldor, hoping to end it all and let myself fade away in the wilderness.

I'd heard that the church there was said to be miraculous, and sometimes people could catch a glimpse of holy events in the mountains.

I prayed that God would guide me, so I could find release after death and finally be free from all this pain.

Maybe God took pity on me. When I was about to starve and die of thirst deep in the mountains, I crossed paths with my mentor.

She was a skilled doctor. That day, she happened to be out in the mountains gathering herbs when she stumbled upon me, desperate and on the verge of giving up on life.

She was a religious person who was overflowing with compassion. She offered me salvation.

She brought me home, healed me, taught me medicine, and had me learn scriptures to help me find inner peace and let go of my burdens.

Bit by bit, I emerged from the fog of my past, feeling reborn, and started to feel like myself again.

But now, with Neville's return, it felt like he was dragging me right back into that abyss I'd barely escaped.

His presence was a constant reminder of how selfish I was. After all, I had sacrificed my daughter in order to help my dad.

If I hadn't been so blinded by love and insisted on marrying him, he never would've gotten his hands on the Doyle Group's confidential files.

Then, my dad never would've ended up in prison.

The guilt I felt toward my daughter and my dad had become my demon, always whispering that I should end it all to atone for my sins.

I never told Neville any of this, and I never breathed a word to Rhea either. This was the part of me I was most ashamed of and the side I'd never let anyone see.

But now, I was putting all my mess right in front of Ferdinand, to show him I was being real with him.

I told him, "This is all my baggage. I used to struggle with severe postpartum depression and even had suicidal thoughts.

"The doctors said if I ever have another kid, it might come back.

"If you can handle all that, we can get married whenever you want."

If it were anyone else, they'd probably run for the hills after seeing all this. No one would want to marry someone who could have a breakdown at any moment.

But Ferdinand was different. He had his own demons too.

After reading through everything, he seemed to let out a breath. He finally looked at my eyes. For the first time, I saw some real emotion in him.

He asked, "You get what I'm going through, right? You won't laugh at me for being messed up, will you?"

I nodded. "I used to be even more out of control than you. If I managed to heal myself, maybe I can help you too."

I picked up some real skills from my mentor, including acupuncture, herbal medicine, and herbal baths.

I couldn't fix the scars on his face, but maybe I could help with his PTSD.

We were in the same boat, so neither of us would despise the other.

Maybe two broken people could make something whole. If we ended up sinking even deeper, I would accept it. At least marrying him allowed me to make amends.

All those creditors dragged down by the Doyle Group could finally escape their nightmare.

As for my daughter, maybe with the backing of the Cole family, I could win back her custody.

I might be crazy, but my love for her was as strong as Neville's. And now, Neville was about to get engaged.

I already let go of my daughter once. I wouldn't make that mistake again.

I couldn't let her fall into the hands of a stepmother. This time, I wanted to be brave for her.

Ferdinand's choice meant everything to me.