Chapter 1 · Before He Was Ready

That year, in my most impulsive moment, I kissed my slow-to-open-up childhood friend, Xavier Holland, without warning.

Xavier pushed me away with a serious look on his face. "Margaret, can you not be so casual about this?"

I was mortified for a long time, until I saw a video on his Instagram of him making out with a transfer student.

I gave up on him and stopped contacting him.

Five years later, at a class reunion, everyone started egging me on right in front of Xavier.

"Margaret, you don't still have a thing for Xavier, do you?"

I was just about to answer when my phone rang.

A clear male voice came through the receiver. "Margaret, don't buy black underwear next time. It dyed all my white T-shirts black."

*****

I only agreed to go to the class reunion after triple-checking that Xavier wouldn't show up.

But I ended up bumping into him after all.

"I remember back in high school, Margaret actually forcefully kissed Xavier, didn't she?" Alfie John, our monitor, suddenly chimed in from the side, calling me out.

Everyone shot me a knowing, amused look.

Five years had gone by, and Xavier was now a rising star in tech, making headlines in the business news.

He looked every bit the successful professional. Even his cufflinks were worth a fortune.

Meanwhile, the last company I worked for had just gone bankrupt.

Noticing my awkward expression, my roommate Amy Barrett jumped in with a smile to break the tension. "Margaret's really matured now. She's not that loud, boisterous girl from back then anymore."

I looked up and smiled, and our eyes met across the room.

Xavier's gaze was so intense that it made me feel nervous for no reason.

"Xavier's the star of our class these days."

"Yeah, Margaret, if you'd been a bit more shameless back then, you might've ended up as Xavier's fiancée."

"Margaret, you don't still have a crush on Xavier, do you?"

The topic somehow landed back on me.

I was just about to answer when my phone rang.

A guy's voice rang out from the phone. "Margaret, next time don't buy black underwear. It dyed all my white T-shirts black."

The private room instantly went quiet.

I just muttered a couple of "yeah"s and casually hung up.

No one gossiped about me and Xavier anymore.

Every now and then, someone would try to cozy up to Xavier, but for some reason, he kept everyone at arm's length tonight.

Amy leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "Word is, Xavier's been butting heads with his family lately—something about his messy love life."

I was caught off guard for a moment. "Him and Alayna..."

"Alayna? Girl, that's old news," Amy gave me a surprised look. "His fiancée now? Apparently, it's someone his family picked for him—total arranged marriage vibes."

Amy leaned in, still whispering juicy gossip. "After he broke up with Alayna, Xavier hasn't dated anyone since.

His family's been worried he might be into guys, so they've been setting him up with all sorts of girls. Maybe he's still nursing a broken heart from back then and just can't move on."

For someone as reserved as Xavier to post a video of himself making out with a girl on Instagram, he must've really loved her.

When I thought about it, a cold, self-mocking feeling washed over me.

The class reunion wrapped up with a big group photo.

Everyone started heading out in small groups.

I opened up the ride-hailing app.

Guess it was the weekend. There were 124 people waiting ahead of me in line.

I was getting impatient, scanning the area to see if maybe I could just hail a taxi off the street.

That was when I spotted someone hanging out in the corner behind me.

Xavier? What was he still doing here?

Xavier didn't say a word.

After a while, he took out a cigarette and lit it.

I remembered Xavier used to steer clear of cigarettes. He couldn't stand the smell.

Maybe it was all those business gatherings over the years.

Neither of us spoke, and the dim streetlights stretched our shadows into two silhouettes.

My thoughts drifted back to the past.

Xavier moved in next door when I was eight.

He wasn't much of a talker and almost never smiled.

He was ridiculously smart.

He'd nap through class, but whenever I was stuck, he was always the one who broke things down for me.

My mom was always hanging out at his place, visiting his family all the time.

Everyone said I hit the jackpot. Xavier was not only good-looking, but always top of the class.

Because he was so slow to warm up, I was the only girl he ever let in.

I used to think there was something unspoken, just between us—a kind of secret connection.

Everything shifted the year Alayna Miller showed up in our 11th grade class.

During PE, Alayna twisted her ankle, and Xavier—usually so composed—his face went pale with panic. Without hesitation, he picked her up in his arms and rushed her straight to the nurse's office.

Right then, my heart was freaking out.

Just half a month ago, when I had a high fever, all he said to me was, "Drink more hot water."

The day the SATs ended, I did the most reckless thing in my life. I kissed Xavier downstairs at my place.

Chapter 1

That year, in my most impulsive moment, I kissed my slow-to-open-up childhood friend, Xavier Holland, without warning.

Xavier pushed me away with a serious look on his face. "Margaret, can you not be so casual about this?"

I was mortified for a long time, until I saw a video on his Instagram of him making out with a transfer student.

I gave up on him and stopped contacting him.

Five years later, at a class reunion, everyone started egging me on right in front of Xavier.

"Margaret, you don't still have a thing for Xavier, do you?"

I was just about to answer when my phone rang.

A clear male voice came through the receiver. "Margaret, don't buy black underwear next time. It dyed all my white T-shirts black."

*****

I only agreed to go to the class reunion after triple-checking that Xavier wouldn't show up.

But I ended up bumping into him after all.

"I remember back in high school, Margaret actually forcefully kissed Xavier, didn't she?" Alfie John, our monitor, suddenly chimed in from the side, calling me out.

Everyone shot me a knowing, amused look.

Five years had gone by, and Xavier was now a rising star in tech, making headlines in the business news.

He looked every bit the successful professional. Even his cufflinks were worth a fortune.

Meanwhile, the last company I worked for had just gone bankrupt.

Noticing my awkward expression, my roommate Amy Barrett jumped in with a smile to break the tension. "Margaret's really matured now. She's not that loud, boisterous girl from back then anymore."

I looked up and smiled, and our eyes met across the room.

Xavier's gaze was so intense that it made me feel nervous for no reason.

"Xavier's the star of our class these days."

"Yeah, Margaret, if you'd been a bit more shameless back then, you might've ended up as Xavier's fiancée."

"Margaret, you don't still have a crush on Xavier, do you?"

The topic somehow landed back on me.

I was just about to answer when my phone rang.

A guy's voice rang out from the phone. "Margaret, next time don't buy black underwear. It dyed all my white T-shirts black."

The private room instantly went quiet.

I just muttered a couple of "yeah"s and casually hung up.

No one gossiped about me and Xavier anymore.

Every now and then, someone would try to cozy up to Xavier, but for some reason, he kept everyone at arm's length tonight.

Amy leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "Word is, Xavier's been butting heads with his family lately—something about his messy love life."

I was caught off guard for a moment. "Him and Alayna..."

"Alayna? Girl, that's old news," Amy gave me a surprised look. "His fiancée now? Apparently, it's someone his family picked for him—total arranged marriage vibes."

Amy leaned in, still whispering juicy gossip. "After he broke up with Alayna, Xavier hasn't dated anyone since.

His family's been worried he might be into guys, so they've been setting him up with all sorts of girls. Maybe he's still nursing a broken heart from back then and just can't move on."

For someone as reserved as Xavier to post a video of himself making out with a girl on Instagram, he must've really loved her.

When I thought about it, a cold, self-mocking feeling washed over me.

The class reunion wrapped up with a big group photo.

Everyone started heading out in small groups.

I opened up the ride-hailing app.

Guess it was the weekend. There were 124 people waiting ahead of me in line.

I was getting impatient, scanning the area to see if maybe I could just hail a taxi off the street.

That was when I spotted someone hanging out in the corner behind me.

Xavier? What was he still doing here?

Xavier didn't say a word.

After a while, he took out a cigarette and lit it.

I remembered Xavier used to steer clear of cigarettes. He couldn't stand the smell.

Maybe it was all those business gatherings over the years.

Neither of us spoke, and the dim streetlights stretched our shadows into two silhouettes.

My thoughts drifted back to the past.

Xavier moved in next door when I was eight.

He wasn't much of a talker and almost never smiled.

He was ridiculously smart.

He'd nap through class, but whenever I was stuck, he was always the one who broke things down for me.

My mom was always hanging out at his place, visiting his family all the time.

Everyone said I hit the jackpot. Xavier was not only good-looking, but always top of the class.

Because he was so slow to warm up, I was the only girl he ever let in.

I used to think there was something unspoken, just between us—a kind of secret connection.

Everything shifted the year Alayna Miller showed up in our 11th grade class.

During PE, Alayna twisted her ankle, and Xavier—usually so composed—his face went pale with panic. Without hesitation, he picked her up in his arms and rushed her straight to the nurse's office.

Right then, my heart was freaking out.

Just half a month ago, when I had a high fever, all he said to me was, "Drink more hot water."

The day the SATs ended, I did the most reckless thing in my life. I kissed Xavier downstairs at my place.