Chapter 3

Leah was straightening my collar before the funeral when Ethan walked into the reception room with Vanessa.

My hand stopped over Dad's memorial cards.

Vanessa wore a black dress and carried white flowers, while Ethan guided her past the people near the door with his hand behind her back.

I had told him the night before not to bring her.

He had been looking for a black tie and said a funeral wasn't the place to hold grudges. I repeated the request until he looked at me and said he had heard me.

Now he approached, glancing at Leah before speaking.

"She just wanted to pay her respects."

Vanessa offered the flowers.

I didn't reach for them, and Leah stayed beside me without accepting them on my behalf.

"Nora, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you that if I'd known that night..."

"I'm not discussing that night today."

I kept my voice low.

"I asked Ethan to tell you not to come."

She glanced at him, tightening her grip on the flowers.

He didn't explain why he had brought her anyway, only stepped closer to me.

"She's here now. Can't she leave the flowers and go?"

Before they arrived, Leah and I had been confirming the song for the end of the service.

Dad had written its title on an old envelope, and my sister had spent half the morning finding it in his drawer.

I should have been finishing that conversation.

"Please leave," I told Vanessa.

She lowered her head, said she understood, and placed the flowers on the nearest table.

As she turned, she wiped at her eyes.

Ethan immediately called her name and followed, then looked back at me.

"There was no reason to embarrass her."

Leah started to speak, but I touched her arm.

The funeral director was waiting in the doorway, asking whether we were ready.

"We are."

I said, picking up Dad's memorial card and walking inside with my sister.

There was a seat for Ethan in the front row.

I didn't have it removed or turn around to check the door.

He knew when the service began and where he belonged.

While reading her tribute, Leah lost her place.

I put my finger beside the next sentence, and she squeezed my hand before continuing.

When it was my turn, I kept it simple.

I talked about Dad calling before I finished work to ask what I would eat.

If I said I would find something, he cooked an extra portion and packed it for me to collect.

Since I became pregnant, he had asked more often, even when he had little appetite himself.

I had to stop there and drink some water.

Leah stayed beside me without hurrying me or trying to finish for me.

After the service, my phone vibrated.

[She's still crying. I'll take her home first. Wait for me to pick you up.]

I put the phone away and continued thanking people.

One of Dad's old neighbors asked about Ethan.

I said he had left without supplying an excuse.

When the last visitors moved away, Leah collected a bag of cards and personal belongings from the staff and asked where I wanted to go.

"Somewhere else," I said.

She went to bring her car around while I waited by the steps with Dad's photograph.

This time, I knew what the person collecting me was doing, and that she wouldn't leave me waiting.

Ethan's seat had stayed empty throughout the service.

I didn't wait for him to return.

I got into my sister's car.