Chapter 1

My father died while I sat beside his hospital bed, twenty weeks pregnant, and my husband celebrated his first love's birthday.

I didn't know that yet. I was calling him for the third time to ask when he would get to the hospital.

"I know, Nora. I'm leaving now."

There were voices behind Ethan, followed by the sound of a door closing.

"Listen to the doctors and stop frightening yourself."

I looked at the doctor standing across the bed.

"I'm not frightening myself. He says Dad might not make it through tonight."

Ethan went quiet before telling me he understood and would meet me upstairs.

I ended the call and pulled my chair closer to Dad.

Earlier that afternoon, Dad had asked for his brown cardigan.

He said the hospital blankets were warm enough, but he was tired of wearing nothing except a gown.

I had texted Ethan that it was in the canvas bag beside our front door, and he had promised to bring it.

Dad was still under the hospital blanket.

I held the hand resting outside it, but this time his fingers didn't close around mine.

When the doctor explained what was happening, I made myself listen and ask what they would do next.

I didn't want Ethan to arrive and find me unable to tell him anything.

A nurse brought water and made sure I was sitting comfortably.

As I put the cup down, Dad opened his eyes.

"Where's Leah?"

"She's coming, Dad. She'll be here tomorrow morning."

My sister had sent her flight details after booking the earliest seat she could find.

I didn't tell him how many other flights she had checked, or repeat what the doctor had just said.

He nodded faintly, looking toward the ultrasound picture beside his bed.

I had brought it earlier that week because he complained that the version on my phone was too small.

"Have you eaten?"

I moved the picture where he could see it.

"I will when Ethan gets here."

Dad seemed about to answer, but closed his eyes instead.

Keeping hold of his hand, I opened the group chat we used for dinners and holidays.

[Dad is very bad. I'm alone at County Hospital. Could someone come sit with me? Ethan isn't here yet.]

Julia replied that she was sorry and told me to stay strong.

Someone asked for the room number, but after I sent it, nobody said they were coming.

I kept the phone on my lap so it wouldn't disturb Dad, looking toward the doorway whenever the nurse returned.

Each time, she came in alone.

Later, the doctor moved back to the bedside, and the nurse brought my chair closer.

I leaned forward and told Dad I was there, and that Leah was coming, although I no longer knew whether he could hear me.

After he died, I kept holding his hand until the nurse gently asked whether she could call someone.

"My husband's on his way," I told her.

I still believed he would arrive before I had to deal with whatever happened next.

I texted Ethan to ask where he was.

[On my way to the hospital.]

The nurse put tissues beside me.

I took one, wiped my face, and saw Julia's name appear on my screen.

She had posted a photograph with the caption:

[Here's to fresh starts. Happy birthday, Vanessa!]

I knew Vanessa.

She was Ethan's first love, recently divorced.

Lately, he had been saying she needed her friends around her.

In the photograph, he was sitting beside her, cutting her birthday cake.

Two minutes earlier, he had told me he was on his way to the hospital.