Chapter 2

As I stepped out of the hospital, the cold night air slapped my face, burning and raw.

But deep inside, the part of me that had been suppressed and left parched for three years finally began to crack open.

I knew that something in me had died the moment I wiped the banana mush off my face.

And at the same time, something new was breaking through.

The hotel room was dead silent, the white sheets reflected the icy glow of the room.

I stared at myself in the mirror, unable to look away from the clear, slightly swollen handprint on my left cheek.

The crisscrossing finger marks looked like an ugly brand, signaling the end of my three-year marriage.

I didn't cry. I just thought about how absurd it all was.

I looked at myself in the mirror, haggard, my eyes dull and lifeless. I was nothing like the girl who had first married Eddie, my eyes once full of light.

How did I even survive these three years?

Memories surged in like a freezing tide, each one cutting into me with its icy edge.

The first thorn was getting married.

We met in college, and after graduation, we stayed in this city, working hard side by side. I thought we were the kind of couple who would weather any storm together.

When it was time for marriage, my family followed local tradition and gave me a car worth 70 thousand dollars as a wedding gift. They figured it would make my commute easier and be useful once we had kids.

Eddie's family, though? They just gave a symbolic wedding gift of ten thousand dollars.

Emma took my hand, her smile deepening the wrinkles on her face. "Cora, Eddie is such an outstanding young man. He has good character and a good job.

"He doesn't need to prove his worth with money. We're family now. We don't care about those formalities."

Eddie added, "Babe, we're in this for life. Money doesn't really matter."

I believed him.

I was totally wrapped up in my love for him, thinking marrying him made me the luckiest girl alive. Worrying about the wedding gift just felt so petty.

Now that I thought about it, it wasn't about ignoring tradition. They just didn't want to spend money on me, an outsider in their eyes.

The second thorn was the car my parents bought me.

Less than a week after I brought the new car home, Haylee just grabbed the spare key and took off with it, not even bothering to say a word.

After work, I spent ages searching the parking lot for my car. When I called Eddie, he just brushed it off.

He said, "Oh, Haylee went shopping with her friends. I told her she could use the car. You'll have to use the subway today."

I felt uncomfortable. "Why couldn't she at least let me know?"

Eddie sounded impatient. "Come on, what's the big deal? We're family. Why draw such hard lines?

"She just graduated, and it's embarrassing to meet up with friends without a car. You're her sister-in-law. Cut her some slack."

From then on, "cut her some slack" became Eddie's favorite line.

My car basically turned into Haylee's own set of wheels.

She took it to meet guys, went on trips, and hit up clubs.

The whole car stank of cheap perfume, and I'd find random guys' lighters tossed on the passenger seat.

When I showed Eddie the proof, he just snapped back at me. "Cora, can you not be so petty? Haylee's out there making friends.

"And instead of backing her up, you're acting all paranoid. What, you just can't stand to see her happy?"

Every day, I squeezed onto the subway during rush hour, barely able to breathe in the crowd. Staring out at the cars speeding by outside, I couldn't help but wonder who was riding in the car that should have been mine, and where they were headed.

The third thorn, and the one that cut the deepest, was my child.

The second year of our marriage, I got pregnant.

But in the early stages, with all the stress at work and not getting proper nutrition, I lost the baby.

I had to have a D&C, and the doctor told me to stay in bed and take it easy, to let my body recover.

That was the darkest time of my life, both physically and emotionally.

But just three days after my surgery, Emma had Eddie call me.

On the phone, Eddie didn't sound the least bit concerned, just impatient. "Cora, are you feeling any better? Pull yourself together and come home."

I asked weakly, "What's going on?"

He replied, "Haylee's got a new boyfriend, and his family's loaded. She's bringing him home for dinner tonight. Mom can't handle everything alone, so come help out. Make a few of your signature dishes, so Haylee can really show off."

At that moment, it felt like my blood had turned to ice.

I was lying in bed, still recovering after losing my child, and my husband wanted me to drag myself up just to cook for his precious sister's new boyfriend.

It was all for Haylee to look good.

My voice trembled. "Eddie, I just had surgery. The doctor told me to stay in bed..."

"I know, I know!" he snapped, cutting me off. "It's just one meal. How hard can it be? This is about Haylee's happiness for the rest of her life. As her sister-in-law, shouldn't you be supporting her? Don't be so selfish, okay?"

"Selfish?" I laughed in disbelief, my anger boiling over. "Seriously, who's the selfish one here?"

Of course, I didn't go and cook that dinner.