Chapter 1
At nineteen, I fell in love for the first time with Thomas Murray, my dad's subordinate.
For the tenth time, I tried to ask Thomas to marry me after five years of keeping our relationship secret.
But I caught him laughing and joking with his buddies in the camp.
"You've been taking care of the Warren Family's little girl for years. Never thought about marrying her?" one of them teased.
Thomas replied coldly, "An eight-year-old gap? I'm not that insane."
Soon after that, he turned around and got engaged to someone his own age.
This time, I didn't cry or make a scene.
Out of the three arranged-marriage candidates, I drew lots and ended up with Evan Reed, the camp's troublemaker. Quietly, I set the soonest wedding date.
On my engagement day, Thomas, the always steady battalion commander, lost it for the first time.
He barged into the engagement party and, right in front of everyone, stumbled and fell, totally embarrassed.
*****
On the day winter set in in Northbridge, my father was accidentally shot in the stomach while fighting at Cloudvale Frontier.
After emergency treatment, he was transferred and escorted back home.
The one who brought him back was Thomas, his subordinate, and the man I'd been secretly dating for five years.
I stayed by my dad's side at the Military District Hospital, never leaving him for three days straight.
On the third evening, he started vomiting blood again and was rushed into the emergency room.
As I wheeled the gurney inside with him, his lips were a dusky bluish‑grey. Trembling with effort, he lifted his hand and clamped it tightly around mine.
His thin lips quivered as he stammered, "I'm not afraid of dying.
"It's just a pity I won't get to see my girl settle down."
I sat outside the emergency room, my hands shaking uncontrollably.
Thomas stood in front of me, his voice calm and steady, trying to comfort me.
He said, "We've got the best medical care here.
"Trust me, he'll definitely be okay."
The hospital corridor was noisy, but somehow it felt cold and dead quiet.
Suddenly, I remembered how my brother died three years ago.
He was brought back just like this.
An enemy bullet hit his chest, luckily two millimeters off his heart.
But even after a whole night of emergency treatment, he still didn't make it.
All that came back was a tiny urn of ashes.
And the words his comrade brought back for him. "Everyone dies eventually.
"It's just a shame I never got to see my little sister's wedding."
That became his lifelong regret, and mine, too.
I pressed my nails deep into my palm.
I couldn't help myself. For the tenth time, I blurted out, "Thomas, can we go public and get married?"
Thomas' tall frame suddenly froze.
Even someone as steady as him couldn't hide the way he dodged my gaze.
After a moment, he finally answered, "Nina, I know what you're worried about. Your father's condition really isn't..."
I looked up and cut him off. "What if I insist on getting married?"
Thomas went quiet for a second.
It was written all over his face.
That stung.
Honestly, how could I not know?
Over five years of secret dating, I'd brought up going public and getting married more than ten times.
If he was ever going to say yes, he would've done it ages ago.
I looked at him.
After a long pause, I forced a smile. "Anyway, I'm definitely getting married."
Thomas didn't respond.
He just sat beside me and silently covered my hand with his broad palm.
He thought I was just being stubborn, saying it to vent.
Like always.
He was never really going to marry me.
Yesterday, some veterans from the camp came to visit my dad.
Outside the hospital room, they chatted with Thomas.
They teased him about looking after the Warren family and me for so many years.
Asked if he'd ever thought about marrying me.
I overheard his reply. "An eight-year-old gap? I'm not that insane," he said.
That was his answer.
Outside the emergency room, we sat side by side for a long time without speaking.
Early the next morning, my father finally came out of surgery.
The doctors said he was out of immediate danger, but we still had to keep a close eye on him.
I hired a caregiver to look after him before leaving the hospital. I planned to stop by the church to pray.
Just as I stepped outside, I ran into a familiar face.
It was Grace Lane, Thomas' childhood friend and a teacher who was famous for being the campus beauty.
I really didn't want to speak to her.
But she called out to me from a distance, "Nina, what a coincidence."
She walked up and grabbed my arm, and that's when I noticed a bracelet on her wrist.
It looked almost identical to the one Thomas' grandmother always wore.
Grace let out a soft sigh. "You look even thinner than before.
"Oh, by the way, Thomas and I are getting engaged at the end of the month. You must come."
I was stunned for a second. "What?"
Grace looked surprised. "Thomas hasn't told you yet?
"He came back from the border this time, partly to bring your dad home, and partly for the engagement."
My mind went blank.
I just stood there, frozen, unable to move or say a word.
I suddenly remembered that the bracelet had been so precious to Thomas' grandmother. It was intended for her future granddaughter‑in‑law.
Thomas had been away at the Cloudvale Frontier for months.
When he finally came back, he took a long leave.
I thought he was doing it for me.
Because my dad was seriously injured.
Grace smiled and said, "Thomas and your dad are so close, and he's always treated you almost like a daughter.
"He probably just got busy and forgot to mention it."
I shot her a cold look. "My dad's still alive. It's nobody else's place to treat me like their daughter."
I didn't bother with her and left the hospital.
As I walked out the hospital doors, I realized my palms were slick with cold sweat.
Even my back felt sticky.
For a split second, I felt an impulse to confront Thomas. I wanted to scream and weep, to force him to give me some kind of explanation.
But the winter wind hit me in the face, and my mind started to clear.
I'd already wasted five years.
I didn't want to keep getting tangled up in something that was never going to work out.
My brother's death was my biggest regret. All I wanted now was to let my dad see me settle down as soon as possible.
I went to the church to pray for my dad's recovery.
Whether it worked or not, at least it gave me some peace of mind.
Near the devotional shrine, some people were drawing tokens to seek guidance on love and marriage.
I asked the priest to draw one for me as well.
Three tokens, each bearing a name.
They were the three suitors my father had carefully handpicked for me as political matches after I came of age.
I shook the wooden casket, and one token clattered to the floor.
My eyes fell on the name carved upon it, and I froze in place for an instant.