Chapter 4

But the flesh of my flesh always knew how to love me.

The tears I'd held back all night finally fell. I held my son and wept uncontrollably.

I said, "Jonathan, your father... how could he do this to me?

"He has hurt me so deeply..."

Jonathan's own eyes reddened. He patted my back, just as I used to soothe him to sleep when he was small. "Mother, Brother Solarius once said, 'All existence is suffering; one must find their own way across.'

"If you choose to forgive Father, to let this go, from now on in this household, I will be your shelter. I will not let anyone harm you.

"If you cannot cross this river of pain... wherever you choose to go, I will take care of myself, and of my siblings. So you will have no worries left behind."

I smiled through my tears.

It was enough.

These ten years... they weren't a joke after all.

After Jonathan left for school, I went to Mount Caelum Abbey.

My grandfather was buried in our ancestral lands, but I kept a perpetual lamp lit for him at the Abbey in the western outskirts.

Back then, he thought so highly of Lincoln. On his deathbed, he urged me not to delay the marriage on his account, to marry Lincoln quickly, for he was a man worthy of trust.

Now this marriage he blessed has brought me such pain. I hadn't yet found a perfect solution.

But I had to come and complain to Grandfather first.

I spent half a day at the Abbey. Descending the mountain, I suddenly encountered officials sealing the paths.

A morning rain had washed a corpse down from the back hills.

The Supreme Tribunal had come to investigate.

From a distance, I saw Lincoln, in his official robes, dismount from his tall horse. He took an umbrella from a subordinate and walked to a carriage at the rear, opening it.

Soon, the carriage curtain parted. A woman in white emerged, placing her hand on Lincoln's arm as she jumped down briskly.

Mud from the rain splattered onto the hem of her robe. She didn't seem to mind, even mischievously stomping a few more times, speckling Lincoln's crimson official robe with mud as well.

Lincoln shook his head indulgently, raising his arm to hold the umbrella entirely over her head.

Even after countless attempts to convince myself to let go, my eyes still grew hot.

So this was Stella.

So Lincoln's tenderness could be given to another, too.

My maid Alice, beside me, saw it and was furious. "How could His Lordship hold an umbrella for someone else?

"Last night, Ruby was so worried about you, she knocked on the front courtyard's door in the middle of the night. His Lordship rushed over and kept vigil outside your room until he had to leave for court.

"I thought he had changed his mind... I never imagined..."

I sighed softly. "If he were truly concerned, he wouldn't have just stayed outside the door.

"Call me stubborn, Alice, but I want to see. I want to see what kind of person is worth him so resolutely abandoning me."

I turned and walked back into the Abbey, meeting Brother Solarius.

Brother Solarius was my grandfather's close friend. All these years, when I visited, he would find time to speak with me.

By the time Brother Solarius and I reached the back hills, Stella had already examined the scene and begun her preliminary autopsy.

The corpse was not a pleasant sight. The Supreme Tribunal officers around maintained their composure, but several young monks and people couldn't hold back, vomiting in the distance.

I saw Stella, a cloth over her nose and mouth, lean in to observe the body without the slightest hesitation.

As she worked, she addressed the group, "The deceased shows abdominal distension, cyanosis of the face, slight foam at the mouth and nose, clear finger marks on the back of the neck, and pronounced lividity at the wrists. Initial assessment: death by drowning."

The circle of officers wore expressions of solemn respect.

After examining external marks, Stella began manipulating the body.

She said, "Clear abrasions on the fingertips of both hands. Broken nails on the left index and middle fingers. Scratches on the palms. Indicates a violent struggle before death.

"These marks are sufficient to prove death by drowning, and that it was homicide.

"For further evidence, the body must be opened for a thorough internal examination."

Her eyes held no distraction, no judgment, no regard for rank, no concern for the separation of men and women.

Every conclusion she drew was reasoned, backed by evidence. She was confident enough to stand behind every word she spoke.

She made those proud, lofty men bow their heads before her.

In that moment, I saw, shining brightly, the kind of woman shackled for a thousand years by propriety and doctrine.

Lincoln said she was "a woman, yet with a spirit rivaling any man's." The people said she had "a breadth of knowledge filling her being."

It was all true.

No wonder the noble ladies of the capital mocked me for my husband taking a concubine, yet few laughed at Stella's lowly origins, or claimed she was unworthy of Lincoln.

I looked back at Lincoln.