Chapter 4
He was regarded by everyone as the most lenient and reasonable king. He rarely showed anger.
That made every instance of his anger toward me feel unmistakably sharp.
I suddenly remembered something someone had said a long time ago. They said Julian would probably only ever lose control with me.
Back then, I had been pleased to hear it. Now, I only found it ridiculous.
He treated me differently, not because I mattered more, but because I annoyed him the most.
Daisy was driven to desperation by his words. She stepped forward, bowed deeply before him, and remained there for a long time without rising.
She was begging him to come see me, even if only for a minute.
I couldn't bring myself to watch because I knew he wouldn't go.
Sure enough, he looked at the anxious Daisy and finally said flatly, "Go back. Tell her to stop."
Daisy froze instantly, and so did I.
Stop? I was already dead. He couldn't demand anything from a dead person.
Andrew couldn't bear it anymore and quietly said, "Yeah, go back. Come again later when His Majesty has calmed down.
"Hasn't Her Highness always been like this, often quarrelling with His Majesty? He'll go see her once he calms down."
He didn't know that it was all too late.
Daisy knew there was no more time left. When they tried to pull her up, she broke free, grabbed another paper, and held it up.
The paper was old and worn at the edges. It only had two words on it. Julian's name.
The writing was messy, and next to it was a neater line correcting how to write those characters.
It was his handwriting.
It was an old practice sheet from when I was a kid. I never threw it away.
Perhaps Daisy had realized nothing else would work, and that only this might still catch his attention.
She was right.
The moment Julian saw the paper, he finally fell silent.
Twilight Hall was plunged into an unbearable silence.
I watched him slowly take the paper. His fingers paused for a moment over the word "Julian", and suddenly, the whole scene felt absurd to me.
In the end, what truly stopped him was not whether I was dying, but these meaningless memories of the past.
He only stopped for a second.
Soon, he slammed the sheet back onto the table, his voice dropping to an icy chill. "Take it away. Don't let her people bother me again."
The light in Daisy's eyes died.
And that was the moment I finally gave up.
It turned out that even after death, I could still feel cold inside.
As Daisy was dragged out, she held that stack of papers in a tight grip.
When she reached the door, she paused and glanced back at Julian. It was brief, but full of bitter resentment.
Once everyone was gone, Twilight Hall fell eerily silent again. Julian sat there without moving for a long time.
Andrew asked cautiously, "Your Majesty, what should we do with those papers?"
"Burn them."
"Sure, Your Majesty."
"Except that one."
He said it very softly, as if speaking only to himself.
I watched him keep that old paper aside, and I thought it was ironic.
What was the point of keeping it? He never came to see me before I died.
Still, his gesture made me recall many things from the past.
I wasn't always this bad when I was a kid.
Back then, I stuck to him all the time, and everyone knew it. I'd go to him when I was scared, when I fell, or when I got scolded.
He really did spoil me. He would guide my handwriting when I was young, step in for me when I made mistakes, and quietly replace dishes I disliked during parties without anyone noticing.
He was nice to everyone, and he always had a bit more patience with me.
Oh, only a little more. Nothing dramatic.
I was young and too starved of kindness. A small gesture from others always felt like everything to me, and I held onto it tightly.
As I grew up, things started to change.
My first marriage took me far away. When I left, the entire Alderoth called it a glorious departure.
However, that glory didn't last long. I was widowed soon after.
My second husband appeared refined and proper, but he didn't live long either.
When I came back to the palace the second time, I brought a child with me. And the gossip got out of control.
They said I was cursed, that I had brought death upon two husbands. They said my child's background was questionable and that I lived comfortably as a princess but ended up worse than a scandalous figure in a play.
I heard it so much that I stopped caring.
No matter how badly they talked about me, I was still the Grand Princess. I could still go anywhere in the palace, go into Julian's study without permission, and do things others couldn't.
From then on, I got more and more reckless.
If anyone praised Violetta, I'd deliberately make things difficult for her. The more they called her gentle and proper, the more I pushed her into discomfort.
When officials accused me of interfering in politics, I remembered their names and made sure they suffered for it.
When people in the palace whispered that I was hopelessly obsessed with Julian, I would only smile, have them beaten up, and dragged out.
The more they cursed me, the less I cared. I wanted the entire world to see I was exactly that reckless, arrogant, and defiant.
Over time, Julian began to resent me.
It wasn't surprising. To everyone else, I really looked like I was losing my mind.
I had been married twice, my name was a mess, and I came back with a child no one could explain. Meanwhile, I was obsessed with Julian, not letting him get close to other women or make anyone else his queen.
I did what I wanted, even if people would misunderstand me.
The mere existence of our relationship was already absurd enough.
To the world, I was the Grand Princess, and Julian was the king, my elder brother. As for anything beyond that, no one cared.
Julian never defended me.
Therefore, it made sense that he hated me. At least, everyone thought it did.
*****
One evening, when I went to see Julian, they were busy with the wedding preparations.
The gift list from the Royal Ceremonial Office was spread across the desk.
When I walked in, Julian was talking to an official. At the sound of footsteps, he only lifted his eyes slightly and said indifferently, "What are you here for this time?"
Back then, he almost always said that first when he saw me.