Chapter 3

After that, I started noticing everything about Alex.

He was four years older than me and had already been working for two years as an architect at a local architectural design firm.

He loved sour food, but his stomach couldn't handle it, so Sophie was always teasing him for being a lightweight who couldn't handle sour food but still craved it.

He worked out regularly on weekends and played basketball occasionally, so he was in great shape.

He didn't seem to be much of a social person. His social media was always quiet, and the only updates I ever got about him were from the occasional group photos Sophie posted.

I saved every single one of those photos.

I was super careful, terrified Sophie would find out.

I made a password-protected album and named it "Study Materials."

If Sophie ever found out I was calling Alex "Study Materials," she'd probably kill me.

But that was as far as I dared to go.

I didn't dare add him on social media, didn't dare let Sophie find out, and definitely didn't dare let anything slip.

Because Sophie was my best friend.

We'd been inseparable ever since we got assigned to the same dorm room our freshman year.

We ate together, slept together, skipped classes together, complained about guys together, and got chased by the dorm lady for cooking fondue in our room.

Four years of college and three years of sharing an apartment, we were closer than real sisters.

So I never dared to tell her.

I was scared she'd find it disgusting.

I was scared she'd think I was only friends with her because of Alex.

But what terrified me most was, what if I confessed, and Alex turned me down, and everything got weird? The three of us would never be the same again.

So I kept it all to myself.

And I hid it for six whole years.

Over those six years, I saw him more times than I can count.

He'd show up to take Sophie out for dinner, bring her whatever she needed, help her move, or fix whatever was broken.

Every time we crossed paths, I always pretended to be totally chill, like nothing was going on.

Whenever Alex showed up, I'd greet him with a polite, "Hey, you're here."

I'd always add, "Thanks for coming," to be courteous.

And of course, "Thanks," whenever he helped out.

I was always polite, always keeping things formal and distant.

But every time Alex showed up, my heart would start racing out of control.

I'd sneak peeks at him, to see what he was wearing that day, see if he looked thinner, or watch for those tiny smile lines around his eyes when he smiled.

I'd always find some excuse to make him stay a bit longer, like asking how to fix the computer or change a light bulb, even though a quick search could've solved it.

But he'd always patiently show me how to do it.

He'd always end up standing so close.

Close enough that I could smell the faint, clean scent of his laundry detergent, and see the soft curve of his lashes.

Then he'd say, "There you go, try it now."

His voice would be right by my ear.

I'd hold my breath and nod like a robot, pretending to be all focused on the computer, when really, my mind was a total blank.

After he left, I'd sit there grinning like an idiot for ages.

Sophie would sometimes ask, "Why are you smiling?"

"Nothing," I'd reply. "Alex's really nice."

"Really?" Sophie gave me a skeptical look. "Didn't you always say he was too quiet?"

"Now I actually think being quiet is kind of nice."

Sophie blinked at me, lost for words.

And that was how things went for six years.

I really thought things would stay that way forever.

I quietly crushed on him, never letting him know, never letting anyone else find out.

And when he finally got a girlfriend, I'd slip away, acting like none of it ever happened.

But he hadn't dated anyone in the past six years.

I couldn't figure it out.

Alex had everything going for him. Girls should've been lining up for him.

But he stayed single for so long, Sophie's mom started to suspect there was something off about him.

Sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe there was a reason, maybe it had something to do with me.

But I didn't dare let myself go there.

I was scared I was reading too much into it, fooling myself for no reason.

But now, everything had changed.

No more overthinking.

After that whole underwear phone call fiasco, everything went up in smoke.

Alex probably thought I was an absolute idiot now.